The 75th Hunger Games
by BekkaChaos
Summary: Olivia lives in the Capitol, but somehow she doesn't belong. She hates the Games and what they stand for, and the only way for her to beat them it is to enter the games and fight.


**Okay guys, so I changed a lot of details for the purpose of writing this story so yes, I do realise that some things may not be correct from Suzanne Collins' books. I mainly took the characters, setting and idea of the games. I hope you guys enjoy and just to clarify: I do not own the characters, apart from a select few, and the themes are derived from the book series ****_The Hunger Games_****. Enjoy guys, and vote!**

My name is Olivia Hanspark, I am twenty-two years old and I live in the Capitol city in Panem. I live with a woman named Margery who has taken care of me since my mother died ten years ago. To say that she cares for me is probably stretching it too far. She's no mother to me, in fact she basically left me to my own devices and only spent time with me when she fed me or took me to buy new clothes. I spend a lot of time with her husband, him I like. He taught me how to throw; there was a game back when this was North America, called baseball. It involved throwing a ball at someone on another team with a bat, and they had to hit it.

I know, it sounds so primitive. He's a teacher at the Capitol High School, history, if it wasn't already obvious. He is obsessed with old world sports. I have no idea why. I can't really stand anything Margery tries to get me into, which is why Caledon uses me as a practical means to study. I would stay back with him and we would practice in the Capitol High School gym. Caledon also found the Hunger Games fascinating. Not for their content, but for the historical comparisons. There was a place called Ancient Rome, and they used to have similar games in an arena called the Colosseum. They would pit a man against some kind of animal in a fight to the death. Of course, Caledon believes that it was fixed so that the man would always win, just like the Hunger Games always had a victor, mostly with help from sponsors.

I've been watching them for as long as I can remember. And this year is the 75th Hunger Games. The third Quarter-Quell. They announced the theme yesterday; tributes will be selected from the current pool of victors. For the victors of 1, 2 and 4 there will no doubt be volunteers. These are known as the 'Careers'. They have the most surviving victors out of all the Districts. The one with the lowest amount is 12, with only two, both of them male. Maybe they would select them both to be in the arena; maybe they would pick a girl at random from 12 like all the other years. Maybe a victor from another District will be chosen.

All I know is that tomorrow during the reapings I'll be in the Capitol Square waiting to set my plan into action. I've been planning for a while now, and finally I have the chance to act. My only chance.

I'm sitting at the kitchen table in our Capitol apartment waiting for Margery to serve dinner. Caledon is sitting opposite to me. To anyone outside the Capitol they would be a strange looking couple. He wears mainly greens and purples and has a curly mop of ever-changing colours sitting on his head. His eyebrows are stretched into a straight line and his skin has an overly pink edge to it. She has a tight blonde up-do at all times. Even first thing in the morning I don't see her with her hair down. She has an abundance of brightly coloured make-up, she wears it in accordance with her mood, her wardrobe is the same and it consists of wild patterns and lots of silvers and gold. I, on the other hand, stick out like an angry tracker-jacker at this dining room table. I have long wavy brown hair and I wear it half up half down. I have not cosmetically altered my face and the only make-up I ever wear is my shiny gold lipstick. I prefer to wear blacks and darker shades of green than anything too bright. In all honesty, I stand out in most Capitol crowds. Even in high school the students had their own unique sense of style.

Last year flames had been the highlight of everyone's clothing collection after the winner of the Games made a name for himself from the fire on his parade costume. He and his tribute partner had been given a set of flaming costumes to flaunt as they captured the attention of the audience. It worked. Peeta Mellark is the first District 12 victor since the last Quarter-Quell, where Haymitch Abernathy beat out forty-seven other tributes to win the games. For the 50th games each District was required to send double the amount of tributes.

They both used the same method to win, wit. Haymitch was a loner even back when he competed in the games, and he used it to his advantage. Peeta had tried to help his fellow tribute, Abigail Thornton, but she was two years younger than him at sixteen years old and looked as though she hadn't eaten a full meal for weeks at the reaping. She survived the initial battle that claims lives at the beginning of the games, near the cornucopia, but only made it another two days.

"My dear girl! Will you never dress for dinner?" Margery sang as she placed our food on the table.

"I happen to like the way I dress and there is no company so why should I need to impress?" I retorted.

"Manners girl!" Margery was absolutely hung up on how you act, as if she had any chances to enter high class where it might actually be useful.

"Come now Marge, let her be." Caledon smiled as he took a mouthful of his dinner.

Margery just tutted to herself and began to eat. I found it enjoyable to ruffle her feathers. After a few minutes of silent eating, Margery had forgotten about my rudeness.

"Are we all excited for the Quarter-Quell then?" She beamed at us.

"I dare say it will be a very eventful year." Caledon looks up and catches my eye.

I shovel down my food quickly.

On the morning of the reapings I pulled on a pair of tight brown pants and a black singlet with my tall black boots. I tie up half of my hair and apply a thick layer of golden lipstick. I head down to the square in the morning with Caledon and Margery, and about a quarter of the Capitol residents who are all fussing over the games. The atmosphere is just buzzing with excitement. I can see the cameras watching the crowd as usual. They always put short clips from the audience into the footage from the reapings. I was counting on this.

Caesar's face appeared on the screen and the people around me cheered.

"Welcome, welcome,_ welcome_! To the 75th annual Quarter-Quell Hunger Games!" Cheers and hollering erupted around me. "Today we will view the reapings from every District and see which of our victors will once again become tributes! This is an auspicious occasion; so let us go to District 1 and see who our tributes will be!"

Slowly we travel through the Districts. As I expected, the tributes are chosen and other victors volunteer in 1 and 2. One of the previous victors from 2, Cress, was one of the most vicious that the games have ever seen; he'll be a tough competitor. The female tribute from 6 was holding onto three small crying children before an older woman named Janet volunteered. She was the victor of the games thirty years ago and she looks like she won't be quite as nimble this time. By the time they got to 12, I could sense everyone in the crowd becoming more attentive as they wondered how the gamemakers would choose a female tribute.

The woman who always chooses the tributes, Effie Trinkett, put her hand into a full tribute bowl, all of us knowing that there were only two names in there. She finally chooses one and smiles sweetly, her pale green skin so out of place in a District like 12.

"Peeta Mellark!"

Peeta doesn't hesitate; he begins to walk up to the stage, a grimace painted on his face. As he reaches the last step he spins around as Haymitch's voice rings through the crowd. "I volunteer."

"No!" Peeta looks down at Haymitch angrily.

"Step down, kid, you may be nineteen now but I've got less to live for." He put his hand on Peeta's shoulder and took his place on stage.

We watched as Peeta struggled but soon shook the peacekeepers off and stood looking up at the stage just like the rest of the people from District 12. Maybe he realised that he would be Haymitch's mentor for these games.

For a brief moment we saw Caesar's face appear on the screens behind Effie and Haymitch and then he flashed onto our entire screen.

"Seeing as there is no female victor in 12, I have been told to ask you all for a volunteer, from anywhere."

Images flashed from the silent Districts. The crowds looked at each other with closed mouths and we watched as the same scene unfolded from District 12 all the way back to 1. Then we saw a picture of our crowd, the Capitol crowd.

"How about you, will you volunteer for the games?" Caesar laughed as he addressed the Capitol.

The people around me laughed and I counted to three.

One… "Is there anyone willing to volunteer?" More pictures of the Districts.

Two… "Anyone at all?" More laughter from the people around me.

Three… "Does no one want the honour of representing their District?" Now.

"I volunteer!"

The crowd around me goes quiet as they search for the voice. Caesar looks confused, and then I see my face on the screens, my golden lipstick glimmering in the sunlight.

"I volunteer as tribute for the Capitol of Panem!" I yell loudly and stare in the direction of one of the cameras.

Caesar's mouth hangs open and they flash the stunned faces from all over Panem onto the screen.

"Olivia!" Margery's voice rang out. "Olivia what are you doing!"

"I want to show you and everyone in Panem what the Capitol is really capable of. Let me be the 24th tribute in the 75th Hunger Games!"

Two peacekeepers come in and take me by the arm and onto the stage of the amphitheatre where a games official is waiting with a microphone.

"State your name." she said.

"Olivia Hanspark."

"Let me present, Olivia Hanspark of the Capitol, tribute for the Quarter-Quell Hunger Games!"

As they ushered me off the stage, I felt the rush of excitement at what was yet to come.

I sat in a room and waited for the 'last goodbye' from family and friends. In my case, friends. First to visit me was Caledon and Margery.

"What on Earth has gotten into you, child?!" She looked very flustered and started pacing the room. "You have no chance against those victors!"

"Technically twenty-three of us have no chance." I say dryly.

"We'll sponsor you as we can. Rally the people." Caledon looked morose.

"I think sponsors should be the least of my worries, I am from the Capitol and they'll see me as a weakling that they need to protect. Maybe they'll even compare me with their own children."

"You'll come back in a coffin! What was the point of us taking you in if you're just going to die anyway?" Margery was still pacing, and I assume she was muttering more to herself than to me.

"Oh you'll still get what you were promised; I've never been a part of that arrangement anyway. I only found out when you accidentally let it slip a few years ago! That was a part of my reasoning for this." I said irritably.

"What good will it do? You'll both be dead!" She shrieked.

"That's what you think."

"Well I can't see any other solution."

"I don't think this is the time to discuss something like this." Caledon piped up.

"Well I don't see there being any other time to do it." Margery's cheeks were flushed and she looked like she was about to start hyperventilating.

"You'll see." I say as the door opens and the peacekeepers order Caledon and Margery out.

"We'll be seeing you soon, don't get caught or you will die." Caledon said sternly.

I understood what he meant even if Margery didn't. His help will be crucial for my survival and the completion and success of my plan.

"I know what to do." With that they were gone.

I didn't expect anyone else so I waited to be escorted elsewhere; instead I came face to face with the President of Panem and the Head Gamemaker. Snow and Crane.

"I must say I have never experienced anything quite like this in my years as President." Snow walked purposefully around me and came to rest in an armchair in the corner of the room.

"Well, I figure that we want to show the Districts that the Capitol is in control, but that we are fair. And by placing a Capitol resident in the games we will prove that even we are not exempt from being disciplined. I hope to prove to the Districts that the Capitol is fair and just. That is of course, until I slaughter them all and gain the glory for the Capitol." I looked hungrily at Snow who returned my gaze with what seemed to be approval. "I'm a tough girl, so don't make it look too easy for me." I directed that one at Seneca Crane and he smiled.

"I can assure you Miss Hanspark; this will be a game to remember." Snow smiled maliciously.

"I plan on revelling in my triumph for the rest of my long, luxurious life."

Crane looked over at Snow eagerly but snow kept his gaze trained on me. "Well I look forward to watching you in the arena."

They said nothing more and left me alone in the room. I have no idea how much time had elapsed before the peacekeepers walked in and escorted me out. Seeing as I was already in the city and the others had their trains to catch they transported me straight to the prep area. I watched the clock tick over in my room for over an hour before the doors at the end of the hall opened and three elaborately dressed Capitol citizens flounced towards me.

"Ooh I can't believe we get the first ever Capitol tribute! This is so exciting!" One of them said.

"Oh I think it's just terrible! It could have been any of us! And what have we done to deserve that, we aren't made for something like the games!" Another one replied.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. Typical Capitol attitude. We're so innocent, let's just watch and cheer them on gallantly.

"She volunteered Clarina! Maybe she has a slight mental ailment; it could give her an advantage in the arena." The third one took no effort to shield her words.

"No, my advantage will be that I can kick ass like and old world soldier, and I'm smarter than anyone will give me credit for. So, who gets to wax my lady business?" I looked at them smugly and they all blushed and looked away as they set up my prep station.

They remained silent for a while, but soon picked up their casual chatter about the games.

"It really is a shame to see so many wonderful victors thrown into the arena again, especially Caius, though it will be nice to watch him show off his wonderful body again, do you remember when he won?" The one named Clarina said.

She had a bright purple head of hair that puffed out about thirty centimetres away from her head and she had bright pink lips and the palest face you could ever see.

"Oh yes! That was only a few years ago! He was only fifteen but my, oh my do they build them up in District 7!" The one who seemed to be named Claudine gushed about Caius.

She had long golden hair that was full of volume and she wore a one-piece suite with frills and lace in a ghastly yellow colour.

"Are you all perverts or something? How old are you? And you're admiring the firm buttocks of a fifteen year old?" They seemed to tut at my rude speech but they continued their chatter.

"Well, he would be twenty now. And he _did_ have a nice behind!" They giggled amongst themselves and I decided it would probably be best to just lay back and let them paint their oils and creams onto my skin.

Lucky for me, growing up in the capitol, I was in far better condition as far as the prep team was concerned than the tributes from the other Districts. I didn't particularly mean to be rude to them; it was just easy because they were the same as the rest of them. They were obsessed with the games and never seemed to think about what was actually happening. They were allowing people to die and talking about it as if it was an episode of their favourite television show. In some sick twisted way, it was. I have watched them year after year lust over the games and count down the days until the reaping. They would dress their best and gather in the square to share the day with their friends, or invite them to their house where they would celebrate with some high class white liquor.

Like the sporting matches that Caledon was so fervently interested in, except with more blood and gore. The Capitol residents weren't at all squeamish; instead they had a type of bloodlust that made me so angry at the President for allowing it to continue. But he was the one with the most bloodlust of all.

You could see it in his eyes when he looked at you. Being in that room with him had made my skin crawl and the bile in my stomach rose to the back of my throat. He would never give up the games because he found pleasure in the fact that children were tearing one another apart under his command. One year a tribute tore out another tribute's throat with her teeth. I can just imagine Snow licking his lips at the thought of her mouth filled with the blood of the dead tribute, as far as anyone in the Capitol has heard she has never quite been the same.

They finished with me, or so I assumed when they left me naked on the table. I sat up and pulled the robe over to me and covered myself in it. I walked over to the heap on the floor where my clothing was and pulled my necklace out of the pocket of my pants.

It was a bullet shell from the old world. It had been Caledon's and I had taken a shine to it from the moment I saw it. I was still very little of course, and had no idea what a bullet was or what it did, but Caledon found a way to turn it into a pendant. I've been wearing it on my neck ever since, almost as a good luck charm, as ironic as that may sound.

I twisted the top of the bullet and made a strained sound as I struggled to open it. It came loose and I was careful not to spill any of its contents. I put it to my lips and swallowed the clear liquid inside. It had a foul taste, like plant juice and the stuff you put in the dishwasher to clean the glasses. I coughed slightly but held back the urge to gag, it was only a small amount, but it was enough to last me weeks. It was all part of the plan.

I screwed the top of the bullet back down tightly and pulled the leather strap around my neck letting the bullet fall above my heart.

I sat in that cold metallic chamber for hours. I felt like they were segregating me from the others like in a time of an infectious disease breakout. Quarantine I think they called it. I did all sorts of things to combat the boredom. Mainly just pacing and sitting and lying in different places. After a while I started checking out the instruments that they left lying around. They were all so strange and I honestly couldn't understand why people would do half of the things to themselves that I had just had done to me.

Finally someone walked through the doors. He was quite tall and actually dressed reasonably; this made me feel a little better about everything. He was obviously my stylist and his trendy against the current style reassured me that he wouldn't have me looking like most of the other tributes in their pathetic District outfits. As he got closer I realised that I recognised him. Cinna, the stylist for the District 12 girl last year. He was brilliant. I almost couldn't believe my eyes when they came through the tunnel on fire.

"Well, well, well, I was expecting a little red demon from the way the others talked about you but you look pretty sharp." He smiled.

"Well I don't appreciate people talking about me and my competitors as though I'm not in the room. I would say that it's rude but apparently protesting against it is." He gave a small chuckle and walked forward to get a better look at me.

"What's that around your neck?" He was staring at my necklace and my hands instinctively reached up to touch the cool metal pendant.

"It's a bullet. Well, it's an old world bullet shell anyway. My makeshift father turned it into a pendant for me."

"That's just brilliant! Don't take that off, it's your token. Wearing a bullet around your neck will show the audience that you're fearless and a fighter. It might help you get sponsors. Well that and the gold lipstick of yours. Caesar is already calling you the 'golden girl'."

"If I'm going to wear my lipstick I want it to me mine. So you should ask Caledon Rochette." I said firmly.

"I'll see what I can do for the actual games, but for now you'll have to make do with my supplies."

"Okay, but I would really like to take my lipstick into the arena." He raised an eyebrow suspiciously and I thought quickly. "Just as a reminder of home, I may have bitten off more than I can chew with this year's games." His face softened.

"I'll do all I can but you should really talk to your mentor about it. You'll meet up with him later, he hasn't arrived yet."

"What do you mean? I thought we got mentors from out District, and I'm from the Capitol, so why wouldn't he be here?"

"They are following with tradition and seeing as you replaced a female tribute from District 12 you will be mentored by one of the victors, well, the only victor who isn't competing." He looked sheepish as he told me, as if he felt guilty that he knew before I did.

"Peeta Mellark?! He's nineteen years old and has only had one year of actual games knowledge! How is he supposed to teach me?!"

"He did win you know. Not to mention the fact that if you were to get someone from the Capitol as a mentor they would have no in-game experience. Peeta's a nice guy and-"

"Nice guy? I'll bet that's what won him the games, being nice." I snapped and I know it was probably cruel seeing as he was the first nice person to help me.

"It got him enough sponsors to help. He knows how to sway a crowd and he was a media darling last year, don't forget."

The more I thought about it the better it sounded. "Do I have to stay in the same quarters as them?"

"Your room will be on the twelfth floor, but you don't have to interact with the other tribute if you don't want to. I can say now that they probably aren't happy with the arrangement either." I hadn't thought about that.

It makes me feel slightly nauseated. I had been planning for years but I never really thought about how it would feel. I was the Capitol girl screaming for blood and probably the first that the other victors would try to kill, the last one they would become allies with. I'll have to play two different parts, one for the cameras and one for the other contestants. I suspect it will be the hardest to get Peeta on my side as he apparently knows a lot about playing it up for the cameras, according to Cinna.

"I guess I didn't realise just how nervous I was." I said truthfully.

It was probably the most truthful thing I have said or done since I volunteered.

"I think you're the bravest Capitol citizen I've seen in a long time." He was mixing colours in his palette, I had no idea what they were for.

"Well I'm either the bravest or the stupidest." He laughed.

"So I'm going with this idea of the 'golden girl' because the Capitol seems to be responding to it. You just have to let me take charge in this one, don't fight me, save it for the arena."

"Okay, after seeing what you did last year I trust your judgement." I sat up straight and waited for him to tell me more.

"You'll have to wait until the parade but I'll be sure not to break your trust." He smiled again, making it impossible to find any reason to distrust him. "I'm mainly here now to examine you and get some inspiration. The suits will be here soon to escort you to your lodgings."

He fiddled with my hair for a while and had me stand so he could take measurements and survey the type of my body. It was utterly strange. He was right though, the peacekeepers came to escort me to the hotel. I pulled on my clothes again and followed them. They stayed quiet and when I was on level twelve, the penthouse, they left me alone.

An avox girl showed me to my room and I found clothes in the closet and a single tube of gold lipstick on the bedside table. Not exactly my shade but it would do for now. I prayed that the plan went smoothly and Caledon found a way to get the one I wanted into the arena. On the first few days of the games, it was cheaper to send the tributes items that they needed. Well, that would help them. As the game advanced the need became so great that prices soared. I remember being ten and asking my mother if we could send the tribute from District 8 some food because she was having no luck. My mother said that by that point, a loaf of bread for a tribute would cost as much as an average Capitol resident's weekly food total. The tribute was attacked by the careers and died from blood loss as her body was riddled with spear holes.

It was only mid-afternoon when I arrived, and the District 12 tributes weren't expected for another few hours. I sat in the living area and watched the pre-games telecast in the lead up to the parade. As usual Caesar was talking to the various parties involved in the games: the gamemakers, stylists; even President Snow made a small appearance.

I must have lost track of time because I heard the doors opening and voices rang out.

"Well he managed to send things to me so obviously he has some pull, how much of a charmer was he during the games anyway?" It must have been Peeta, I recognise the voice.

"He is very clever! You have some time to think while he deals with his prep team." Effie Trinkett's voice rang out.

"I think it'll be his team that has to deal with him. The same way that we have to deal with this volunteer from the Capitol." He finished his sentence as he walked around the corner to see me smiling haughtily.

"Were you referring to me?" They both looked quite taken aback. "I'm Olivia, hey."

"Welcome dear!" Effie skipped over and pulled me into her arms for a hug. "How are you finding everything?"

"Oh it's nothing special, this place is practically a one bed apartment compared to my house." I saw Peeta roll his eyes and Effie was lost for words. I had forgotten about my separate acts for the public and the contestants. "It was a joke, this place is amazing."

Effie beamed at me again. "Well I suppose you will be dining with us tonight, after the parade of course?"

"If I'm welcome, I could really use some tips." I looked over at Peeta and he was shaking his head and smiling.

"Why should we help you to 'show off what the Capitol is made of'? Isn't that cheating, seeing as I'm not from the Capitol." He did not look impressed.

"Please, that was all show, and there'll be more of that. You should know. I don't know anything about being in the arena. I need to know how to survive."

"If I tell you how to survive I may as well tell Haymitch how to die." I can see the pain in his eyes as he speaks. "I don't know how he did it for all those years."

"For all you know we could both be dead in the first few hours. I need your help." I was surprised at how small this conversation made me feel, how helpless.

Here I was, pleading with him to help me, but I could see it in his eyes that this was not a choice he could take lightly. Save the girl who knew nothing about the games and condemn his friend; or leave her to die to give his friend a better chance. It was hopeless.

"What do you expect me to do when I have to choose which tribute to find sponsors for? It's easier if you… if I don't…"

"If you leave me to figure things out myself, and don't feel like you can help me. If you give up on me before I show any potential. How are you going to do this next year? Or the year after?" I could feel myself becoming emotional and I couldn't help it.

Everything would fail if I had no opportunity to be sponsored.

"I'll do what I can but I can't promise anything, you know I have to choose him."

"Oh, did I not mention?" Effie piped up from the table where she was now enjoying tea and cake. "You will be able to find sponsors for both of them, seeing as they are from separate places."

"What you really mean is that the Capitol wants the odds to be _ever_ in her favour." He mocked the accent and I felt like I could possibly smile but I didn't dare.

Peeta got up and walked to his room, he didn't need direction.

I was back in the hands of my prep team and they continued to fuss.

"I wonder how they'll dress the District 10 tributes; their livestock costumes are always so ghastly!" Claudine was flinging instruments around far too close to my eyes as she spoke.

I really wish I could get away with swatting her arms.

"Oh I know! It's just like those fish outfits from District 4!" Clarina gushed.

I told myself that I had to keep quiet; I needed these people to think that I was one of them. There was no way I was going to join in of course. They treated me like any other tribute. I just needed them to think I was different.

They had finally finished with my make-up and hair and buffering of my skin, which I must say was the weirdest experience of my life. My body was now a rich golden colour, it wasn't too hard to guess the theme of my parade entrance. I looked like I had just stepped off the beaches of District 4. My cheeks had a bronze glow that made me look older, more mature maybe. The outside corners of my eyes had a deep brown shade of crème littered with gold speckles in the perfect position to make my eyes look lustrous. I also had on dark eyeliner to emphasise my grey-blue eyes. A lock of hair from each side of my head was pulled back and pinned to flow with the rest of my hair. The last touch was, of course, the bright golden lipstick that somehow made my lips look fuller and richer. It was so glittery in the light from the mirrors but it felt as though my lips were naked. I looked at this girl in the mirror and I almost didn't recognise her.

They had made me look desirable. Very. I suppose there must be some kind of tactic behind it, but I couldn't figure it out. I pulled the robe together at the front and shivered as I wondered what else they would do to me to achieve this image if they had the chance.

It wasn't long before Cinna entered the room with a warm smile.

"Well don't you look lovely?"

"I think they shaved most of the real me away and managed to find a diamond in the rough." I looked back into the mirror as I spoke to him.

"On the contrary, I think they struck gold."

"So what have you got for me?"

He pulled out a black one piece, a leotard, with a metallic golden cape. I thought it was quite plain, maybe he wasn't as good as I thought he was.

I pulled on the leotard which clung to my body but didn't show any flaws. I felt so exposed with my bare legs on display and my arms uncovered. Cinna attached the cape to my neckline and gave me two large golden cuffs to put around my wrists. They weren't heavy, just a little uncomfortable. He clipped the corners of the cape to the cuffs and pulled out a pair of knee-high golden boots. They were a glossy looking fabric that appeared much nicer than the cape; I wondered why he would even think of using that horrible shiny stuff.

"Just so you know, I may be from the Capitol but I am not used to wearing heels."

"You'll be fine, you don't have to do much walking, just stay upright." He said as he helped me into them.

I stood shakily in the shoes and smiled up at Cinna.

"You have to look like you mean it." He said.

"Trust me when I say, I'll mean it."

"Good, now you have to trust me her. When you enter the hall I want you to count to ten and then lift your arms as if the cape was your wings." I looked at him questioningly. "Trust me, I'm on your side." He extended his hand which I thought he wanted me to shake but on a closer look I saw him holding my bullet necklace.

"Thank you!" I took it from him and pulled it over my head.

"Come on then, we have to get you to the staging area."

We walked down the hallway that led to the behind the scenes room, which would soon become the training centre, and I noticed that most of the other tributes were there. Districts 10 and 6 were still not here and when we reached Effie and Peeta it was clear that Haymitch was absent too.

"Is he still not here?" Cinna asked Peeta.

"He has decided to be difficult; I doubt he'll be here until the carriages start moving." Peeta sounded glum.

I saw him look me up and down and mutter something to me that sounded like 'nice outfit'. I assume Effie has told him to make an effort with me and it must be easier for him to do as she asks rather than ignore her.

"So is it terrifying? Having all those people looking at you?" I asked him.

He just looked at me with an eyebrow raised and said coolly, "I don't think _you'll_ have any problem with it."

I was honestly trying to gain sympathy from him, but I suppose the memory of the games was still fresh in his mind and everyone around him was either going to use him to their advantage or pose a threat to his friend's life. Though I think the wrath of the President is probably more of a threat to Haymitch at the moment, especially if he doesn't show up.

By now everyone else is here.

"So you'll be in the last carriage, they've had to add an extra one this year." I turned at the last minute to realise that Effie was talking to me.

"Okay, uh, thanks for letting me know, I appreciate it." She just beamed at my words and out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw Peeta smile.

They ushered me into the carriage and still Haymitch wasn't here. Districts 1 and t2 began to move, followed by 3. It wasn't until District 7 began to head off that I saw Haymitch jog in from the side, climb into the carriage, and readjust his costume.

He was wearing black pants, a black fitted shirt and slick black boots. His hair was scraggly and I assume that he didn't let his prep team touch him. It was only a few minutes before his carriage began to move as well, and then I felt myself become unbalanced as the floor began to move under my feet. I could hear the crowd cheering and Caesar's voice was echoing off the walls.

When the carriage emerged from the passage I was blinded by the lights, the flashes, the screens. I saw Haymitch punch his fist into the air and he was engulfed in smoke. It must be an effect of the costume. It was stunning. I remembered what Cinna told me and I started to count to ten. One, two, three… Caesar was talking about Haymitch's costume. Four, five, six… they tried to go back to District 6. Seven, eight, nine … I raised my arms and I could see the light surround me.

The reflection of my 'wings' made the entire room light up. The crowd was squinting and Caesar was staring my way with his mouth open. I wondered if they could even see my face through the bright light, but it didn't matter; they knew who I was.

The crowd was cheering and I saw most of the other tributes turn to see what was causing all the fuss. I was sure that all eyes were on me, at least for a few moments.

I looked up to the platform above us and saw President Snow, illuminated in the glow of my golden wings. He seemed almost pleased, but he wasn't going to give away any more than that. As we drew closer to him and presented ourselves, I let my arms fall and I looked up confidently, the audience was still roaring with excitement.

Snow finally had the chance to give us his address. The same old story; "Welcome to the 75th Hunger Games!" and all the rest of it. Haymitch had taken a seat in his carriage and I almost laughed about the nonchalance in his attitude. Something as dire as the games would surely be enough to pull even a drunken troublemaker out of his path of destruction. You would think this even more so considering he is an ex-victor. Snow would not let this be smooth sailing for him surely. Not in a quarter-quell. Not when the first ever Capitol volunteer is taking part. Not when Haymitch is standing up for himself and mocking his authority.

No. Snow won't let up, when has he ever? In all his years as president of the Capitol when has he ever shown anyone mercy? The only person he will ever protect is himself.

I was back in the hotel room now, watching the replays of the parade on the screen. Effie would not stop squawking about how 'positively marvellous' my costume was. Clearly she thought I was of a much higher calibre than any of the other tributes she had taken in. Peeta didn't look impressed with the way Effie was behaving, I suppose he thought she was here for District 12 and so far she hadn't bothered to say two words about Haymitch. I thought I had better step in.

"I have to say I was really taken back at Haymitch's costume, I almost forgot what Cinna told me to do."

"Oh, yes, well his was… something. More coal miners from District 12! But the moment you lifted your arms you just captured the attention of everyone!" Effie sounded less than excited about Haymitch.

"Do you think she has a better chance than Haymitch or do you just like her better because she reeks of Capitol status?" Peeta piped up.

It seemed to ruffle her feathers and she pursed her lips. "I'll just go and see how long our dinner will be." She stood up and left without another word.

"She's an interesting type isn't she." I gave Peeta a small smile which he didn't return.

"They all are." I'm sure that was a comment aimed towards me, but I ignored it.

"Are you getting rid of all the liquor in the rooms?" He looked over with a furrowed brow. "You know, so that Haymitch will be sober for the games."

"It's not up to you to take care of him. I asked Effie to get rid of it but she said it'll probably do more harm than good." He looked away and into the empty space in the corner of the room.

"It's the withdrawal that'll do the most harm."

"I know it is, the man can't go more than half a day without a fix before he gets the shakes." He was impatient, weary.

He was far more aged than he should be. This was his life now, and there was no telling what the Capitol has had him do or done to him, all because he survived. He had the audacity to survive their games, outsmart them. Even the victors are not out of trouble; their punishment for surviving is that they must continue to do so under Capitol rule.

I stood up and walked over to an avox girl standing by the table. I see them all the time around the Capitol. I used to cry when I saw them because I couldn't imagine anything worse than to go through what they have, and then be forced to serve, with honour, the people who caused you such sufferance. I used to be kind to them and I could see them sometimes force a smile. My mother told me to stop when she realised that they could be punished for this. I remember crying even harder when I thought that I had been responsible for punishing someone else.

"Find us some maple juice, mint leaves, salt and white liquor." I said flatly.

The girl nodded; her eyes void of emotion and her face stony. I crossed my arms over my chest and rested my palms against my shoulder blades. I bowed my head slightly and blinked slowly. She copied the movement that I had done with my head and I smiled.

This was a moderation of an old known tradition from a part of the old world. It was used among some in the capitol as a sign of respect.

"What did I just say about trying to get all white liquor _out_ of the room?" Peeta turned around and glared at me.

"It's a little known remedy to help with addiction." I said.

"How would you know anything about that? Are you a doctor or something?"

"I'm actually a student, I study the old world. My mother was a doctor in a small alternative medicine store. She passed on her medicine journal to me… when she died."

His face softened slightly and he turned away from me again. He said nothing else.

I waited for a while, just sitting on the couch, occasionally looking over at Peeta and studying his face. He was pensive, like he was trying to figure out a way to survive. From what I have gathered about him, he is too much of a good person to remain unchanged if he were responsible for someone else's death. Just like me trying to communicate with the avox people in my childhood.

When the girl returned with a tray of the things I asked for I shot her a small smile and began to thank her but stopped halfway through.

I sat at the table and took one of the glasses from the middle and poured in some of the maple juice. I used a spoon to crush the mint leaves and stirred the pieces in. I poured some salt into my hand and rubbed it between my fingers before placing a small amount into the mixture. I became increasingly aware that Peeta was watching me, and as I filled the rest of the glass with white liquor he was standing at my shoulder.

"How does it work?" He eyed my concoction curiously.

"I don't know exactly how but I know that those three things together have some kind of repulsive effect. They just need to be consumed either along with the object of affliction or while it is in motion." I stirred the mix and inspected it.

"So what'll happen?"

"Hopefully he'll grow to find the thought of the liquor repulsive. And when he does the maple juice will dull the effects of withdrawal." I looked up at him and he seemed impressed.

"Can you make more?"

"If he agrees to drink it. If not I can't do anything, but if he does I'll make enough to send to him in the games if you like."

"That's… good of you."

There was a moment where we looked up into one another's eyes and I thought that maybe we had more in common than we thought.

"Dinner will be served shortly!" Effie's voice rang out and Peeta walked back to the couch. "What are you doing dear?" She looked down at the mess I had made.

"Making a remedy to try and wean Haymitch off the alcohol."

"Oh, well, good luck with that dear. Speaking of the wretch, where is he?"

We didn't know, and he didn't show up for dinner either. Peeta took my remedy and headed into Haymitch's room. I retreated to bed and took deep breaths as I coaxed myself to sleep.

I waited in the wings of the training area after having been prepped and dressed. Peeta managed to mumble something about survival training before trying to rouse Haymitch. Somehow I doubt that he'll show up again, but my maple remedy was gone this morning. It was the first day of group training and tonight was the interviews.

I did what Peeta said and tried out the survival tactics, camouflage, foraging practices, rope tying and setting traps. I watched the other tributes. Most of them just stood around the various stations chatting to one another. They all knew each other from the previous games where they were mentors.

The tributes from Districts 1, 2 and 4 were as vicious as ever. They would have just been waiting for a chance to get back into the games. They were the ones who might actually pose a threat to me. I would have to get blood on my hands.

That was the only way I could gain the trust of president. I was going to have to kill, and the careers were as close to a guiltless kill as I was going to get. I'll practice with the weapons tomorrow.

I was once again prepped and ready for Cinna, and I was actually looking forward to seeing my interview outfit. He walked in with his beaming smile and I found myself relaxing. He pulled out a stunning golden gown and I could already see parts of it lighting up like my outfit last night.

"I suppose I'm going to shine again." I could tell from the dress that they were going for desirable again.

"Most definitely." Cinna helped me into the dress.

It was glorious. It was a long-sleeved, tight-fitting, floor-length gown with a slit in the side that reached up further than mid-thigh. "Are you sure about this? Isn't it a little _too_ revealing?" I examined my bust in the mirror; the top of my dress was tight enough to create a fuller, voluptuous look.

"By order of Seneca Crane himself." Cinna said as he flicked my hair back and adjusted my sleeves.

"Right, what a perv." I heard Cinna chuckle.

"Alright, as you leave the stage I want you to press this button and blow the audience a kiss. Do not move your hands until it stops." He pointed to a button on the inside of my left sleeve.

"I won't be on fire last they were last year will I?" A feeling of sudden nerves washed over me.

"Don't worry it's nothing like that." He let me lean on him as he put a pair of shiny golden heels on my feel.

"Okay, I trust you."

He led me to the line where the other tributes were waiting and I should have been surprised that Haymitch was absent, but I wasn't. I walked over to Peeta and Effie, albeit a little clumsily, and smiled gallantly.

"You look _absolutely wonderful_! That stylist of yours is truly amazing!" Effie squealed and examined the fabric and made me twirl.

"You _do_ look pretty amazing." Peeta smiled as he observed my dress.

I felt my cheeks flush and I sincerely hoped that my make-up covered it. I don't think it did, considering the fact that Peeta turned away, a large smile plastered on his face.

Why was I embarrassed that he said anything? It was probably just because he was trying so god-damn hard to hate me; it was nice to see that he was opening up a little.

It wasn't long before we were being marched out on stage, one by one. The girl from District 2, Blaze, made a lovely little speech about how she'd leave me until last because it would be a nice way to finish. Blaze won the games seven years ago, she was eighteen, and she volunteered again this year when she wasn't reaped. She was three years older than me but we were about the same build. She had blonde hair and olive skin, beautiful, yes, but she ruined it with her face. She acted like she was better than the rest of us. If I had to kill someone, I wouldn't lose any sleep if it were to be her. And now she's gone and challenged me in front of the whole of Panem; I guess that makes it game on.

"Try not to worry so much about her," Peeta whispered after her conversation with Caesar.

"She's pretty vicious," I remember the year she won, she had run straight for the cornucopia and found a large knife which she used to slice and decapitate anyone who came close to her. I think she had four kills on the first day alone. "I don't think she's very bright though."

"Why is that?"

"She just announced in front of everyone that she is going to single me out, it gives me time to plan while she just expects that she can swing a blade and kill me whenever she likes." He shrugged; I don't quite think I have him convinced.

Caius, the boy from District 7, charmed the audience of course. He has sparkling green eyes and short brown hair that stands up in all directions and tonight he was wearing a fitted suit that fitted _quite_ nicely I must say. Even through his devilish smiles and impish attitude I could see he was nervous, the sweat from his brow was visible through his make-up as his interview ended.

"He looks nervous," I looked over at Peeta and he gave me a look that said 'well obviously' and I stayed quiet fort the rest.

As my turn grew closer I became even more nervous than I initially was. Peeta kept sneaking quick glances at me. I wasn't sure if it was to make sure I didn't start hyperventilating or whether he was looking at my dress again. Either way, it was comforting.

And then they were calling my name and a stage hand gave me a large shove that I wasn't ready for. I almost lost my balance but as I hit the stage filled with brightly coloured lights I managed to straighten up and even smile for the cameras. I waved to the people and they were screaming out for me. I remember the richer kids would always brag about going to these events with their parents when I was at school.

Parts of my dress were lighting up like last night but no sooner had the light erupted, it disappeared again. Caesar came over to take my arm and kiss me on either cheek. He ushered me to the chair and I sat down, so careful not to show off far too much of myself to the audience, though as soon as I hit the chair most of my leg became visible. I suppose that was what they wanted.

"Miss Olivia _Hanspark_ everyone! And isn't she just spectacular! I mean look at this dress! You must have an amazing stylist." Caesar was so personable, the crowd just loved him.

"He is absolutely a dream to be paired with, and can I just say Caesar, it is such an honour to be here and meeting you is just wonderful." I smiled in a sickly-sweet way and my body language reeked of adoration.

"Oh, you're a dream, isn't she a dream?" He turned to the audience to ask them and they cheered. "It is so exciting for us to have a tribute from the Capitol; I mean who would have thought? Why is it you volunteered in place of a tribute from District 12?"

"Well, I have admired the games from afar for years and I just thought to myself, how fantastic would it be for a Capitol resident to be up there with the victors, and not only am I competing in the games but I am competing with the victors! I hope I'm not too star-struck to play the game!" I gave a small giggle and the crowd laughed with me.

"Oh I think you're something of a star yourself, I mean your outfit last night stole the show!"

"I do like to be the centre of attention."

"When we first saw you, you had on this fantastic golden lipstick and I suppose it's become your trademark now!"

"When I come out of the arena I hope to be greeted by a sea of shining faces with glimmering gold lips."

"Oh you are very confident! Something we like to see!"

"I like to think of myself as clever enough to outsmart some of the other contestants. I can be quite cunning when I set my mind to it." The crowd gave a small laugh.

"Well we hope your stats will show us that!"

"I hope the people of the Districts have time to air out their coffins, we wouldn't want the dead to be breathing in stale air now would we?" Everyone went silent, and then the roar exploded.

"Well, well, well! We do have a competitor here don't we! Isn't she spectacular?" When the cheering finally subsided Caesar closed up, I had almost forgotten what Cinna said about my sleeves. "Well Olivia it has been a pleasure, and may the odds be ever in your favour!" I stood up and kissed Caesar on the cheek, positively beaming with what the audience should perceive as excitement.

I walked to the front of the stage, pressed the small button and blew the audience a kiss. If I hadn't been forewarned I may have fallen off the stage when the jet of golden glitter came screaming out of the sleeves. The crowd erupted and I waited until all the glitter had been released before I waved at them all and gave them an arrogant smile.

As I walked off stage and past Peeta he gave me a disapproving look, perhaps it was the coffin thing, it was definitely the coffin thing. I had to say it, but now I was going to have to work extra hard to win him over. After all I would need him in the arena if I was going to survive.

I've been in the training arena for about an hour now, still at the organic section, studying the plants that I would be likely to find in the arena. This was vital to my plan. Haymitch did eventually show up but it was only at the last moment. Peeta didn't talk to me after my interview; I suppose he thought I was no better than Blaze.

When we got back to the penthouse I pulled on my pants and tank-top, really glad that I was able to cover myself up. Effie escorted me and Peeta waited with Haymitch. I finally met him when they came back up.

I was sitting on the couch and Effie had the interviews playing on the television, she was so excited.

"Oh you were just wonderful! Adding a little fire to your image, just astounding. And blowing a glitter kiss to the crowd at the end was just the perfect touch! Oh Peeta, Haymitch, so good of you to join us! We were just talking about the interviews!" She flitted about like a bird and it almost made me dizzy watching her.

"You just saw them live, why do you need to see them again?" I heard Haymitch's gravelly voice ring out from the entrance and stood up as they walked through the door.

He was much different than I had expected, taller and more muscular. I had pictured him to be a little more dishevelled, but I suppose he has just been in the hands of his prep team and stylist. His skin was a healthy olive colour from years in the working area of the seam in District 12. His grey eyes were distant, as though he didn't want to be here, not that I could blame him for that.

He looked over at me and I smiled. He narrowed his eyes and stopped to examine me, that's what it felt like anyway. "Well if it isn't little Miss Glitter, I'll be wearing this crap even when I get into the arena." When I looked at him closer I could see that his skin, hair and clothes were covered in a thin film of gold glitter.

"Hi, Hello, I mean, I'm sorry about the glitter, it was Cinna's idea, and I didn't really even know it was happening until it happened." I smiled and laughed nervously.

The three of them stopped to look at me but I couldn't stop, it was almost involuntary.

"What are you, some kind of fan girl?" Haymitch chuckled to himself.

"Oh, no! No I'm not a fan-girl, no, of course not, no. I just- I mean it's great to meet you." I had a big nervous smile on my face and I must have looked like a complete idiot.

Peeta was eying me suspiciously and Haymitch folded his arms. "Yeah, she's a goner. She's a good actor though, I'll give her that. 'Air out your coffins!' Classic." He chuckled to himself again and walked to his room, grabbing a bottle of white liquor that was hidden behind some flowers as he went.

I was so embarrassed. To be fair I acted like an idiot. I didn't think I would act like that when I met him but no, I fell all over myself.

"Oh, well, I'll go and see to removing the liquor from the rooms." Effie seemed quite confused.

She was probably trying to figure out how anyone could turn into a bumbling idiot in front of someone like Haymitch. Peeta just stood in the same place looking at me.

"What is it now?" I said.

"That was odd."

"I know, I know! Just leave it alone!"

"Okay, but that's not normal." He said flatly.

"Yeah I know! It's about as normal as you, now that you're covered in glitter."

"Well whose fault is that?" He rubbed his face with his hand and checked for glitter.

He did it a few more times and I groaned. "For god's sake come here."

I walked over to him and grabbed a napkin from the table. He looked confused and I wiped his face just over his brow where most of the glitter was. He flinched away but I took a hold of his shoulder and held him forward.

"This is ridiculous."

"Shut up and stay still."

"You're just angry because you made a fool of yourself."

"Yes, I am so deal with it." He sighed but stopped resisting.

I pulled away the napkin and looked at his forehead, the glitter was never totally coming off but a shower might do it.

"That's as good as it's going to get, when you shower it should do it, but you can do that one yourself." I tossed the napkin aside and leant against the table.

"Well I'm not going to ask you to do it."

"I thought you might have after the way you looked at me in my golden dress."

He scoffed and shook his head. "You're too confident for your own good you know. The whole 'coffins' thing was way to over-the-top. It was the same as that District 2 tribute saying that she was going to personally target you. Cocky, arrogant and dangerous in this game. At least at this point."

"Yeah okay, I get it." I felt so stupid and I know it showed on my face.

He sighed and looked down. "All I'm saying is be careful or you'll get killed… easily. Sure you can impress the crowd but make sure you get their sympathy too. You don't want them to ignore you because they think you'll be fine without sponsors. You won't be." He looked up and when he caught my gaze he sighed again. "Just look around like that, they'll be sure to sympathise. You should really figure out how to talk to Haymitch too, you could use him as an ally."

"I know how to talk to him!" I snapped.

"You talked to him like a groupie. You're not a groupie are you?"

I shot him a warning look. "I'm not, I was just shaky and edgy after the interview and I cracked I guess. And he's not going to want to team up, and why should I?"

"It'll be much easier for you if you're not alone all of the time. At least pair up with him for some time, help each other. Find someone else to pair with if you can. Trust me; it's better than being alone."

I remember watching him last year, he had spent some time with the girl from his District and found solace in foraging with the District 11 boy, Gruen, who was only thirteen. But most of the time he was alone. In the end he tricked the tribute from District 2, Cato, into thinking he was dead. Cato had thrown a dagger at Peeta when they were atop the cornucopia at the very end. Cato thought he had won when Peeta didn't get up and turned around to face the snapping monsters below with his arms up in triumph. He didn't know that Peeta was pretending, he saw the blood and must have thought it was almost over. I remember thinking that the cannon hadn't sounded when Peeta stood up, the knife still lodged in his arm, and shoved Cato who lost his balance and fell. Peeta literally fed him to the wolves. I remember watching as Peeta fell to his knees with tears in his eyes and blood streaming down his arm, and hearing Cato's screams. I swear I saw him mouth 'I'm sorry' on one of the replays.

Peeta didn't directly kill anyone, he pushed Cato off the edge, he kicked a female tribute who was snapping at his heels as they climbed up through tree branches and she lost her footing and broke something, the tributes she was teamed up with took pity on her as the blood dribbled from her mouth by snapping her neck. That one was added to Cato's record. The last kill that Peeta was responsible for was when he set a fire near the careers camp to flush them out. They had left the District 10 boy in the path of the flames as they fled; he was obviously no use to them. He perished in the flames.

I could almost see the image of his victory in his eyes; Cato's screams as he pleaded for death to come soon and the parts of his flesh and blood staining the golden cornucopia.

He looked away and headed to his bedroom without another word. I didn't really feel like saying any more to him after thinking about his experience in the games. It made me really start to question my decision to enter the games and fear what was yet to come.

I was back in the training centre after the night of interviews, after making a fool of myself in front of Haymitch. He was actually down here today, checking out the knives at the weapons station. I kept my eye on him and couldn't help but watch him as he swung the weapons around and laughed with the man from District 8 who he must know from mentoring at previous games.

I was climbing across the exercise platform and came to the jump. I hesitated for a minute before leaping off the edge and landing shakily on my feet on the other side. I climbed up the net and lost my stability; I came crashing down onto the mat below. I winced as I stood up and looked over to where Haymitch was working. He hadn't even noticed my fall.

"Are you trying to catch his attention or something? You keep looking over at him. You're not into him are you?" The smooth wave of his voice washed over me and I turned around.

I recognised him as the heart-throb that my prep team were fawning over; Caius Andromeda. He stood about a head taller than me with his short brown hair that stood in all directions. He had a strong physique and a muscular build. His eyes were a sparkling green and he had a square jaw that just helped him to ooze sex appeal. I hadn't seen him since he was in the games, obviously the interviews, but never in this much detail, and he had definitely built himself up since then, he was only fifteen.

"No I'm not into him; I just wish I knew how he was so chilled." I rolled my eyes and started walking back to the start of the course.

"Maybe because he doesn't expect to come out and he's accepted it." He followed me and hopped effortlessly up onto the first level of the platform and reached a hand down to help me up.

I looked at his hand and then back up at him and he smirked.

"Come on, I won't bite." I took his hand and sighed.

He reached the other down and I took that one as well. He pulled me up with ease and caught me in his arms as I fell forward. He looked down at me and smiled as he held me tightly against him.

"Or maybe I will." He winked and I shoved him away from me.

"Leave me alone." I shook my head and said with attitude.

He smirked again and climbed the structure like it came as naturally as breathing and scaled the net in a matter of seconds. I sighed with amazement. "Spider monkey," I thought about the creatures that I've read about in Caledon's books.

I waited until Haymitch and his friend had moved on to another station before I headed to weapons. I had seen Blaze viciously attack a dummy with a knife at close range yesterday so I knew that she was good in close-quarter combat. I picked up a blade and examined it. I was used to throwing in sport in the Capitol, but nothing like this.

I turned and focused on a target and threw the knife. It was fast and hard and it went the distance, but it missed the target completely. I threw three more and only one hit the target but it was a bad shot. At least they were all forceful enough.

"Nice throwing, where do they teach that in the Capitol?" I sighed and turned around irritably.

"Are you trying to catch my attention or something? Are you into me?" I mocked him in the same way that he did earlier.

Caius laughed. "Fair enough."

"So what are you trying to do? Patronise me because I have no aim?"

"No I meant the actual throw was genuinely good, your aim sucks, I'll say that flat out."

"Go ahead and show me how it's done then genius." I stepped aside and gestured to the rack of weapons.

He shrugged and picked up a small axe. He smiled over at me and threw the axe quickly with just a quick glance at the targets. His aim was almost perfect. He gave me a confident glance and shrugged again. "How did you do that?" I asked.

"Don't think so much about it. Just breathe and throw, you have the strength down. Come here, I'll show you." I picked up my knife and walked over to him.

He stood behind me and pulled me into him so I shoved him back and shot him a death glare.

"Do you want to learn or not?"

"Do you have to touch me?"

"Yeah, at least it's more fun that way." He laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"Just get it over with."

He stood behind me and pressed his body into mine and held my arms. He stretched out my arms and made a throwing movement. "Close your eyes, and breathe." He said.

I was reluctant, but I did as he said. "Relax your body," he spoke softly in my ear and I resisted the urge to elbow him in the ribcage. "Breathe in deeply, and let it out." He whispered to me this time and I allowed myself to feel the moment.

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and the blood running through my veins. I could feel Caius' body against mine and the heat that radiated from him. I could feel the rubber end of the knife in my hand and the cool blade that I knew came after it was itching to hit the mark.

I felt Caius peel away from me as he whispered, "Breathe in and let go."

I opened my eyes and hurled the knife towards the board. I exhaled. The knife was almost exactly in the middle of the target. Goosebumps licked my skin and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. Maybe it was just because I had Caius' breath in my ear moments earlier.

"Nice shot Golden Girl." He smiled and jogged to another station.

I just stood in my place and tried to imagine how in hell that just worked.

It was the private training tonight and I was heading back down towards the training arena after having spent most of the day in there anyway. This was where I would get my ranking. Hopefully I could impress them enough so that the others wouldn't see me as such a weakling, or such easy pickings.

Even Haymitch was here on time tonight, I took my place next to him as we waited to be called.

"I'm sorry about last night, I was, a bit nervous." I said to him and he just looked at me blankly, pausing momentarily to look into my eyes.

He turned away quickly after that. "Relax princess, I wouldn't expect any different from someone from the Capitol."

"I beg to differ." He turned back and raised his eyebrows, this time I was the first one to turn away.

Each tribute slowly entered the training room and it wasn't long before it was only Haymitch and I left. They called my name and I turned to wish Haymitch good luck but he was disinterested.

I walked into the empty hall and looked up at the gamemakers and they stopped what they were doing to watch me curiously. I assumed they have been waiting for me all day. I nodded up to them and headed to the plants station. I found the ingredients I needed and mixed them up the way I wanted. I found the type of leaf I needed and put it to the side. When I was done I turned around and stared at them.

I had their undivided attention and I could hear the old band music playing in the background through the silence of the room.

"This…" I held up the small bowl of my mixed ingredients, "is a poison. It burns your throat before sending you into shock and then you die. This…" I held up the leaves, "is the antidote. Who wants to test it out?" They all looked at one another as if this was new to them, it may well be.

I stood there waiting before the doors at the opposite end of the arena opened and a peacekeeper walked through escorting an avox girl. He shoved her forward and I held out the poison. "Eat this, and then eat these leaves when I say." She nodded and tipped the bowl so the sticky contents emptied into her mouth and she grimaced.

She stood there for a few seconds before she started clutching her throat and making gagging noises, she started sweating and I handed over the leaves. She snatched them from me and forced them into her mouth; she stopped gagging and started breathing normally before she vomited on the linoleum floor.

"Ten seconds more and she would have started seizing, foaming at the mouth and slipped into a coma. Another ten minutes and she would be dead. It's a messy disgusting way to die, I prefer the more subtle poisons myself but I thought I had better give you something that you can see." They all looked reasonably impressed.

I walked quickly over to the weapons area and took a dagger. I stood in front of the targets and closed my eyes. Deep breath in… I let it go. I opened my eyes and the knife was almost dead centre of the target.

I turned back to them and smiled arrogantly.

"Thank you Miss Hanspark, we have seen enough." Seneca Crane stared down at me ravenously and I smiled despite being repulsed by his hunger.

I left the training room and started walking to the penthouse of the hotel, escorted by peacekeepers of course. The poison I used was far less dramatic than I told them. Yes it burned the throat in an incredibly painful way, but that's about it. The antidote soothes the burning and prevents the tissue from scarring, without it a person would be in pain every time they swallowed for at least a week. Nasty stuff.

My mother was a doctor and when she died she left me a book of all the poisons she knew, how to make them and find the ingredients, and their antidotes. She had no idea just how useful it would become for me.

I was sitting on the couch in the suite with Peeta on one side of me and Effie on the other. Haymitch has only just slumped into an armchair nursing a bottle of white liquor.

Peeta leaned over and whispered in my ear, "You might have to make some more of that tonic." I turned to face him but he had already turned away.

I let my eyes linger on the hardened lines of his face. It's remarkable how much a year can take out of you.

The screen flashed and Caesar appeared with a smile on his face. We were all suddenly silent and staring at the screen.

"It is time now, to see how our tributes have fared in their training sessions and what score they have been given!"

He started going through the tributes. As expected, District 1 tributes had both received a score of 10, so had Blaze and Cress from District 2. District 3 went well, an 8 and a 9 for the male and female, in that order. The woman from five who had cried all throughout the reapings scored only a 4, I felt sorry for her really. Caius from District 7 also scored a 10, not that it was surprising.

Haymitch and I were the final two to be announced, Haymitch was first. He received a 9. I don't know if he actually did anything or whether they just gave him a high score to place a target on his head, he had been quite a nuisance since arriving. He was congratulated by Effie who soon shut her mouth when he ignored her completely.

I waited for my score, they had looked impressed when I gave the poison to the poor avox girl, and hopefully I could gain a high score. The number flashed on the screen and my heart sunk. 6. That was it?

"Oh it's not too bad dear, I'm sure you did your best!" Effie tried to make me feel better but I only felt worse.

Peeta wouldn't look at me and Haymitch was- well, Haymitch was just Haymitch. I stood up and walked to my room.

It was a few hours later before I emerged. The others must have gone to bed because there was no one else in the general living area. I headed out to the hallway near the elevators and saw another door that didn't seem to lead anywhere. It was open so I walked through. It led to the roof.

I saw the bustle on the city streets from all the way up here and I thought that people must be having celebrations in honour of the games that are still going. Those parties could last all night.

I remember Margery telling me one year about how she had been invited to her friend's celebration but we had to stay because Caledon didn't want me there, this was when I was about thirteen and my mother had recently died. Margery wasn't too happy but looking back, I really don't care.

I thought about everything, my mother, the games, Caledon and Margery, what I had committed myself to, Peeta, Haymitch, and the fact that I was less than forty-eight hours away from almost certain death.

I didn't know they were there until one fell onto my hand. I stared down at the tear drop and sucked in the cold night air as it entered my lungs and caressed my skin. I couldn't help sobbing to myself.

I have never felt as alone as I do now. Effie was on my side, sure, but somehow she didn't count. She was one of them.

I slumped down and put my head in my hands as the gravity hit me. _What have I done_?

Tonight was my last night in the Capitol hotel. Tomorrow night I would be battling it out in the arena. Or dead. One or the other. I tried to take training seriously today, and ignore the pathetic score. The tributes from Districts 1 and 2 were standing around together by the climbing frames as if trying to show off after their high scores were announced.

I stayed away from them.

I headed to weapons again and tried my luck with a bow and arrow. I think I just made myself look more inept.

Haymitch walked past me as I struggled, "don't think so much, it doesn't matter anyway." I wonder how Peeta even managed to get through the first day, let alone win with him as a mentor.

I felt sorry for Haymitch, not many people know the truth about him.

"I saw your score, you probably could have done better." I turned around to see Caius smiling down at me.

He had thin gloves on and he had a sweaty sheen about him, he had come from the boxing station.

"Get out of my face." I rolled my eyes and turned away from him.

"Why? Are you jealous of my score or is it that I'm just too pretty for you to resist so you'd rather not have to fight the temptation?" He chuckled to himself.

"Okay, when you smell like a wet animal and act like wild one, you just look like a complete fool. So leave me alone or I _will_ deck you." He found my quip extremely amusing apparently because he laughed loudly and walked away.

At dinner that night I almost couldn't eat, at least I felt like if I did I would bring it up. I knew that I might not find food in the arena so I have to fill up now while I can.

I felt sick after eating, sick in the pit of my stomach. Not so much because of the amount I ate, but because I knew that starving to death was a big possibility in my future. I made some more of the tonic to get Haymitch's drinking under control and left it for Peeta, who must have disappeared to his room.

I was almost angry with him; he hadn't really given me any tips for the arena. I may be from the Capitol but surely he understands.

I tried to go to bed, get an early night, but sleep evaded me.

I lay in the sheets and took a deep breath. It was then that everything dawned on me. Tomorrow I would be in the arena, thrust into the games with so little preparation, at least that's how it felt.

Years of planning for this and I never really thought about how I would feel going into the arena. I never thought I would be so scared. I thought I was stronger. I never really got it. I am twenty-two years old and still I found myself afraid. And who wouldn't?

I took another breath, and then another, and soon I found myself gasping for air, choking on my emotions.

I sat up and tried to breathe but I couldn't. I climbed out of bed and left my room, left the apartment and headed up to the roof. I ran to the edge and slammed my body into the railing, knocking the wind out of me. I took more air into my lungs and felt the breeze on my tear-lined face.

"You're not planning to jump are you?" I jumped on the spot and whipped my face around to see Peeta watching me anxiously.

"What? No!"

"It's impossible anyway."

I looked over the edge and then back to Peeta, "I'm sorry, I didn't think anyone would be up here."

"Don't be sorry, there usually isn't, aside from me anyway."

I thought about last night and despite the fact that I didn't give any of my plans away, I was really hoping that he didn't see me.

"It's okay to be afraid, I was terrified last year." He sighed.

"I'm not just afraid, I'm enraged!" I tightened my grip on the rail and closed my eyes.

When I opened them Peeta was by my side, cautiously holding his hands out in front of him like I was some kind of unstable maniac. I slapped one of his hands and he looked at me questioningly.

"I'm not suicidal, okay? I'm not going to start a killing spree before I get into the arena either."

"I didn't say you were."

"You didn't have to; you've been looking at me with those judgemental eyes ever since you saw me. Yeah I know I'm the girl who told the world to air out their coffins and then fell all over herself in front of a victor, and _Haymitch_ of all victors. That doesn't mean that you know me." He looked at me and I know he was thinking that he didn't need to know me to know that I was dangerous. "You of all people should understand how I'm feeling. You should know how incredibly alone I feel. At home I have support but here it feels like I have nothing, like all they want from me is blood."

The guilt flashed onto his face and we stood in silence before he spoke again.

"Why are you enraged?"

"If I am this terrified and alone cannot begin to imagine how my twelve year old self would feel. And they have no reservations! They send children who don't know anything about life because they haven't had the _chance_ to live! They send them to die and watch as other children tear them to pieces and only one can live! And the one who does survive, I'm sure, will never forget or flee from the trauma and the guilt! They can't even live in peace with their families! With their _glory_! The Capitol still has to interfere so that they can use the victor for their own gains. There will never be glory and every Hunger Games will have twenty-four _losers_. I don't know whether I would rather live or die. It hardly matters now." I looked up at him and his gaze was puzzling.

His eyes lost that cold glaze that he had reserved for me the past few days. They were pensive and thoughtful. I became aware that I was struggling to breathe again and my face was damp from the tears.

"Yes, I am afraid, but the only thing that will get me through this is anger." I finally managed to choke out the words.

"I thought they drilled it into you Capitol kids that the games were a celebration." There was a hint of distaste in his voice and I let out a sob.

"My mother was different. She didn't even need to tell me that the games were wrong, the fear and repulsion in her eyes was enough to deter me." I closed my eyes and sighed. "When I was little, I wanted to send a loaf of bread to a District 8 girl who was only a few years older than me at the time. My mother said that because she was struggling to find food herself and there weren't many tributes left it was too expensive. I watched her get stabbed by the tribute from 2 as her allies watched on. She was crying for her mother as she bled out. My mother just quarantined herself to her room and I listened to her sob for hours. So no, not all of us 'Capitol kids' think the games are a cause for celebration." I heard the venom in my voice and I know Peeta felt it because his hand closed over mine and he pulled it away from the rail.

He didn't say anything; he just squeezed my hand and looked over the balcony. We stayed quiet and I could feel my breathing steady as we held hands on the rooftop. I don't know why I did it but I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head against his chest.

I was surprised when he did the same. I don't know when someone last held him like this; I know I hadn't been held like this ever. One arm was wrapped around my waist and the other cradled my head. He rocked me gently and I listened to his heart beating, feeling my heart slow to catch up.

"Make sure you try to get to water as soon as you can, don't go to the cornucopia unless you know you can survive, and please try to help Haymitch if you find him." He whispered to me.

I nodded into his chest and I thought I felt him place a ginger kiss on my temple.

He walked me back down to my room, still with an arm around me and watched as I climbed into bed. He may have stayed longer but I was asleep only moments after my head hit the pillow.

When I woke up in the morning, Effie was standing over me. "Wake up my dear, today is the day!" I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "Your prep team is waiting and your stylist will see you off!"

Part of me wanted to ask her about Peeta, but I fear that last night was a dream. Everything sort of went by in a blur. Buffing and polishing and making me actually respectable after having had no sleep. The prep team were chit chatting about the games, I still wished they would shut up, and before I knew it I was walking toward the hovercraft that would take us to the arena.

It took a few hours; it felt like it was over in minutes.

I waited in my launch room, looking over at the glass pod that would soon transport me up and onto the playing field. I was starting to panic when Cinna arrived.

"Calm down, you can do this, you volunteered!" He put his hands on my shoulders and tried to relax me.

"I know but it's here now and… and… and…" I didn't really know what else.

"I have something for you." I started breathing better because I wanted to know if he'd done it.

He pulled out my bullet necklace and a small golden tube. "I managed to get them cleared so you can take them with you." He pulled the necklace over my head so it rested on my chest.

He handed me the lipstick and I looked at the bottom. _AA_. I laughed lightly to myself,_ this was it_.

"I saw the inscription, is that some kind of brand?" he asked.

"No, just a private joke." I smiled.

I had what I needed now, but would I even make it long enough to use it.

"You're going to be okay, you just need to be strong, and don't freeze." Cinna pulled me into him and I exhaled sharply.

I heard someone in the doorway and I pulled away to see Peeta standing there.

"I just came to see how you were before… you know." He said awkwardly.

"Nervous as hell." I gulped and walked over to him.

"I haven't really told you anything to help and I feel really bad about that because I should know how you're feeling, I've been there." I looked up at him sympathetically and reached out to take his hand, he squeezed mine back. "When you get up there, don't move for sixty seconds or you'll get blown to bits, get to water as soon as you can, don't go into the cornucopia unless you know you can survive, don't light a fire, at least not one that'll make a lot of smoke or light in the open, it will lead the others right to you. If you want sympathy make sure you act like you do, if you want to entertain them, keep them guessing, they'll love you anyway because they think you're just like them."

I liked the way he said '_they think'_; it made me feel like smiling. "Is there anything else?" I asked.

"If you can, please team up with Haymitch, help him. I know he doesn't seem like he knows anything or that he'd be more of a hindrance than a help but he's smart and he knows how to work things out."

He was holding my hand so tightly now, I know I didn't want to let go and I hoped that he felt the same. I don't know why I did it, I couldn't really help it. I leant up, put my hand on his neck, and pressed my lips against his gently. I pulled back and looked at him, his eyes were closed and his lips parted slightly. He opened his eyes and looked down into mine, searching, wondering. Then he dipped his head and pulled me into him. His lips caressed mine in such a soft and tender way and yet it was hard, final. It was a kiss goodbye.

I didn't want it to stop and I locked my hands to his neck while he wrapped his arms around me. I knew I didn't have any more time so I released him and sank back down. He held me and looked into my eyes for a few more moments before he kissed my forehead and whispered, "Good luck."

He let go and gave me a pained parting glance, and he was gone.

I didn't even know that I wanted to kiss him until last night, and I knew if I didn't do it now, I may never get to do it again.

I walked back over to Cinna who was giving me a sly smile. "What was all that about?"

"I just thought I had better do that in the case that I don't come back." He pulled me in for a hug and gave me a short, sharp squeeze.

"You're strong enough for this, you can do it."

"I know."

There was the signal; I had to get into my entry tube.

Cinna walked me over and when I stepped inside and the glass encapsulated me I put my hands on it and Cinna blew me a kiss, I copied his motion and remembered the glitter kiss in the interviews.

And then I was rising.

I touched my pendant and the pouch in my outfit where I had stashed my lipstick, just to make sure they were still there.

I became aware that I was breathing loudly and almost gasping for air in the claustrophobic atmosphere.

_Pull yourself together, or you're dead_.

I could see light; I could see grass, trees. I could see the other tributes appear around me.

I was next to the District 4 man and Cress from District 2.

The countdown began.

I saw Haymitch across the circle from me.

The woman from District 8 was crying again.

Caius was to my right and he looked determined.

"Get down and hold on!" I whipped my head to the left and the woman from 3 had tears streaming down her face.

She stared at the floor in front of her and at the last minute the tributes around her figured out what she was planning and fell to their knees.

She leapt off her platform and the instant her feet hit the ground, it exploded.

I was almost too stunned to do anything. The blast made my legs a little shaky, I dropped to my knees too, I was already shaky enough as it was, I didn't need to fall and kill myself before anything even begins.

All the other tributes looked at her empty, shattered podium with horror. There haven't been many tributes that jumped.

Fell, sure, got too nervous that they forgot to wait for the sixty seconds, definitely. Including the woman from District 3, only four in the history of the games have purposefully jumped.

I got back to my feet and looked at the tributes closer to the blast and realised that they were covered in dirt, grass, and pieces of the dead tribute. I inhaled sharply and looked down. One side of my body had flecks of glistening red and pink flesh spattered all over.

I stared straight into the cornucopia and tried not to think about it as I felt them burrowing into my skin with looming prospects of my own death and what I would have to do to others.

The cannon fired to signal the beginning of the games, and then again for the dead tribute. For a moment I didn't move at all. Everything around me blurred in slow motion and Cress, Blaze and the other career tributes were the first off their marks. I would have to move now if I wanted anything or wanted any chance to survive.

I leapt off my podium and sprinted towards the cornucopia. I'd like to think the others were surprised at how fast I was, but I suspect they were a little preoccupied.

I looked around at the other tributes frantically, making sure I knew where Blaze was. After her vow to come after me I couldn't let her out of my sight while we were so close to so many weapons. I ran straight into the cornucopia and without really thinking about it grabbed three short daggers. As I turned around to get myself out I watched Cress slamming his fists into the face and body of the man from District 6. Cress was too strong and snapped his neck in one quick, sharp movement.

The man lay there limp on the grass and Cress started running towards me. I was trapped, I had to hope that he hadn't seen me yet or I would have no chance. I ran into the shadowy part of the cornucopia, holding onto my knives tightly as he approached.

He rummaged through the weapons and found a large knife that would probably decapitate someone with one swift blow. Lucky for me, he ran straight out and slashed open the stomach of the female tribute from District 9.

I had to move now. I ran from the cornucopia and as I headed for the edge of the woods I picked up a back pack and slung it over my shoulder.

I didn't stop running; I could hear the screams as I headed further into the thick mesh of trees. The fine branches stung my face but I didn't care, I had to get as far away from the bloodbath as I could. I kept running, my feet felt uneasy and my legs were starting to burn but I didn't stop.

I ran for at least ten minutes before slowing to a walk to catch my breath. The trees were thinning and I knew I would have to find a place to rest and check my pack. I found a small advance of shrubbery and hid myself inside. My hand had cramped from holding the knives as I ran and the straps from the pack were rubbing my shoulders.

It was a relief to finally put them down and stretch. I kept my ears alert and tried to make as little sound as possible, I have no idea if anyone else headed this way or followed me.

I started pulling items out of the pack, cataloguing them as I did. I had a water bottle, some dry food, basic first aid like bandages and gauze, a set of glasses that I assume were night vision, some wire, rope, and matches. Perfect.

I remember what Peeta said about fires and he would just have to forgive me while I set my plan into motion.

I piled everything back into the pack with the matches on top. I put the knives in the slits in the waist belt of the pack and looked carefully at the bushes. Berryless. I checked to see if there was any noise before emerging from my hiding spot.

There were plenty of different plants around so I searched through them. I found a small tree made of green wood and took out a knife to strip some of the bark. Another tree had some roots that were edible so I stuffed some of them into my pack and kept moving. I finally found a tree with big enough leaves and plucked a few. I was probably walking for another half an hour before I found them, a patch of berries. I counted about four different types.

I knew which ones weren't poisonous so I collected some and ate a few. Then there was the black forest berry, it looked almost identical to a regular black berry, but it had a lethal poison that caused the victim to slowly fall asleep before their organs failed. It only took a few of the berries to cause death. You could get away with one, usually, but it wasn't really a good plan for survival to go eating them.

"Okay…" I said to myself.

I sat down and put the greenwood on the ground. I placed the black forest berries on top and used a small stone to crush them up. I took out my matches and the plant root that I collected before. I took a bite of the root and swallowed.

"Lucky I could find the antidote." I inspected it carefully and made sure that the audience could understand what I was doing.

I took out my lipstick and extended it fully. I set it aside on my lap as I pulled out the matches and set one alight. As I held it to the green wood I waited for it to take. The wood burned quickly and the berry juice bubbled, then the white smoke started rising. I held the lipstick over the smoke, making it seem like I was infusing it with the berry poison.

I had to make them think that it was real. I took another bite of the plant root.

"This had better not fail me; I don't want to kill myself with my own poisoned lipstick." I muttered, loud enough for the cameras to hear me of course.

I waited a few more moments before I pulled the lipstick away and investigated it carefully. I look a whiff. It smelt like cosmetics and smoke.

"Perfect, just like forest berries." I lied.

In all honestly, it was already poisoned, and the antidote was the foul liquid that I skulled from my bullet shell necklace, not the plant root. I needed the gamemakers to believe that this was a recipe I knew, that was why I fooled them in my training session. They needed to think that I wasn't cheating them, or I would be dead in seconds in this arena.

I closed my eyes and smeared a layer of lipstick over my lips and acted like I was waiting to see if I dropped dead. Which was partly true, but everything worked smoothly and I sighed.

"Thank god for plant root."

I pocketed my lipstick and kept moving, I decided to look for water. After travelling for more than half a day I felt the thirst creep into my consciousness and dryness started to take over my throat.

The sun was scorching and I was thankful for the thick canopy of trees. I could hear birds and probably larger animals scurrying around in the branches above me. They were yet another thing to be wary of.

I started to see more small animals on the ground, scattering when I came near. This was a good sign. It meant that water must be near.

I came to the edge of the trees and saw a rocky advance. I walked alongside it, not wanting to put myself too much in the open, and then I heard it: water.

I could hear the trickle of water over the rocks and I almost broke into a run. My eyes darted frantically and I listened intently as I searched for it. I climbed up onto one of the rocks and looked down. There was a small decline and then a creek in a hidden gully. I climbed down and let myself fall to the grass. I hadn't realised just how closed in this place was. The rocks acted as a shelter on both sides and the underside was not at all visible from above.

It was a good place to hide. That was when I heard it, a quiet weeping coming from the cavern to my left. I spun around and saw the woman from 5 staring at me with frightened eyes. I suddenly realised that I had one of the daggers in my hand and was holding it out towards her.

I pulled it away and put it back into the strap of my pack. "Sorry, I thought you might have been from District 1 or 2." I smiled feebly and she just continued to sob.

She looked about thirty, or maybe mid-thirties, with wispy blonde hair that was pulled back into a long pony tail. Her eyes were wide and a rich brown colour. She didn't look like much of a threat, I guess she had probably suffered mental damage after the games and never really recovered. Maybe that was why she was sobbing so much, this was probably her worst nightmare returning to her, and this time she could feel it.

I put down my pack and took out my water bottle, filling it to the brim. I added the iodine drops and waited. I stole glances over at the woman who seemed to have calmed down a little; perhaps she was just glad I wasn't one of the careers either.

When I finally took a sip I felt a sense of relief wash over me. The cool liquid felt so good in my parched mouth. I drank the whole bottle and filled up again. Once it had been treated I moved back to sit against the wall in the hidden cavity. I looked over at the woman and sighed, I felt sorry for her.

"Would you like some?" I held out the bottle and she looked at it like it was poison.

_Poison_.

Maybe that would be better, if I let her succumb to the poison and die peacefully rather that have to endure any more horrors of the arena.

"It's fine, I treated it, I have some food in my pack too if you want some."

"Why are you being so nice to me? Didn't you want to kill us all?" She said timidly.

"A select few, yes, but you don't really seem like a threat to me right now."

"Why? Is it because I refuse to play?"

"Yes, and the fact that you're refusing water from me shows me that you don't have any fight in you either."

She snatched the water from me and after a few seconds of inspecting it, she took a sip. I saw her sigh with relief just as I had done before.

"What's your name? I can't seem to remember, sorry." I asked.

She eyed me warily but her face grew softer. "Lilia."

"That's a pretty name." I smiled and I thought I saw her lips give a little twitch.

I remember watching her on the day of the reaping, her name was called and she was wailing so loudly and reaching out to a man who was being restrained. They were torn apart and his face had been even more depressing than the sight of her being dragged limply to the stage.

"I saw you on reaping day. Was… was he your husband?" I looked in and out of her eyes as I felt slightly uncomfortable asking the question.

She looked pained, just as if I'd taken my dagger and stuck her with it. "Yes."

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that. My father got taken away from my mother and me when I was just a baby, I didn't know him, but I wish we could have done something." This was partly true, but I needed her to feel comfortable if I was going to do this.

"Times are tough." She sighed and looked away; I could almost see her husband in her eyes.

I sat with her for what must have been over an hour in silence. I pulled out some food from my pack and handed her some which she took.

"How many cannons did you hear earlier?" She finally asked as she chewed on a cracker with some of the berries I picked earlier.

"Seven I think, including the one for the girl from District three." I popped some berries into my mouth and rubbed my arms where they had been covered with human flesh hours earlier.

"I thought I heard eight." She said glumly.

"It just gets under my skin that I don't know who they are, I mean, they're just faceless, bodies that are empty and we're the only ones with them here, but we don't even know who to cry for."

"It gets easier and harder at the same time. I don't think this year I'll be as lucky as I was when I came through."

"Is that because you think the others are better or because you don't want to get out?"

"Good question." She managed a small smile.

I waited a while before saying any more.

"Do you have any children?"

"No, I couldn't bear the thought of having a child that would then go on to compete in the games. That would be worse than my being here." I could understand what she meant, the thought of someone I loved becoming a part of their games made my stomach churn.

Then again, they'd been churning for five long years.

As the sun began to sink in the sky I thought that I had better do this soon, before I lose my nerve, or I wouldn't be able to do it again. I pulled out my lipstick and applied another layer to my lips, running my tongue over it to bring out the glitter.

"They gave you that?" she looked over to me.

"Yeah, it's my token."

"It's much prettier than anything we would have in back home." Perfect, that was exactly what I needed.

"Did you want to try it out? I know it sounds silly but it'll make you feel better in some ways." I held out the tube and she looked like she was thinking about it. "Go on, I know it's silly but what have you got to lose?"

She took it from me and looked at it for a moment before she uncapped it and smeared it across her lips.

"Do this a few times, it makes it shine." I ran my tongue over my lips again and she did the same.

"It looks nice on you." So I waited.

Her eyes fluttered a little, but that could just have been from the exhaustion of the day. She got a little more of the lipstick on her tongue and she couldn't help but fidget with the new fashion with her mouth and soon enough she made a small groan and dropped the golden tube to the ground.

She looked up at me with worried eyes as her breathing got heavier. Her eyelids looked heavy and she slumped down unable to keep herself sitting upright. I ambled over to her and let her head rest on my lap as she grew weaker. The poison infused in my lipstick worked much quicker than I thought it would. She could hardly keep her eyes open as I stroked her forehead and hushed her, like she was going to sleep.

It wasn't long before I felt her chest stop moving and her head grew heavy in my hands. She was gone. I lay her down gently and picked up my lipstick.

I headed back to my pack and as I threw it on my shoulder I heard the cannon fire. I was about to move away so that the hovercraft could come in and pick up her body when I turned around and gave her the same gesture that I gave to the avox in the hotel.

I walked until I found a gap in the rocks that led to the forest and I turned just in time to see her body being pulled upwards and into the craft.

"One down…" I whispered.

I walked until I couldn't see anymore, and then, I took out my glasses and walked some more. I found a dense patch of trees and sheltered myself while I slept for a while, it wasn't long, I was far too restless.

This had better work. Of course it will, we tried and tested it all. They didn't pick it up. What was that? My mind was racing and my blood was pumping. In all honesty, I was terrified. I had never been alone like this. Anything could be coming for me, coming to kill me, be it human or otherwise. I felt my anger boil up within me as I thought of the terrified children who spent their last nights someplace like here, alone, cold; waiting to die.

I had to keep moving. The glasses were amazing; I could see everything as if the sun were right above me in the sky, illuminating every tree, every pathway.

Earlier in the night the seal had appeared in the sky and I saw the names and faces of the tributes that had died. The first face was the woman from 3, which means that all four tributes from 1 and 2 were still alive. Then it was Lilia. The man from District 5 had also been killed. The man from 6 that Cress killed outside the cornucopia was next, followed by the woman from 8. There were no tributes left from Districts 9 and 10, all four faces gleamed on the star-studded seal in the sky.

After the man from District 10, everything went black. So Blaze and Cress were still out there, probably hunting together. It made me nervous. On the other hand, it meant that Haymitch was still alive, and his friend from 8, Michel, and Caius.

I thought about the dead and the living for the rest of the night as I wandered through the forest, not really knowing what direction I was heading in. I just couldn't stay still.

When morning came I started heading back in the direction I had come in the night. I had made quite obvious tracks and felt a little ashamed of myself for being so careless. At least they led me right back to the water. I filled up my bottle again and looked over to where Lilia had last been. Right now she was probably being put into a coffin and shipped home.

I looked up through the trees to see that it was well past midday. I didn't think I had been walking for so long. I headed back into the forest and started looking for more food; I knew I would get bombarded with something soon so I had to keep my strength up.

I found some more of my plant root and started eating it, not only did it fill my stomach but it also fuelled my lie.

I was walking again and I heard a faint buzzing sound, it made me stop to listen. In hindsight that was probably a mistake. A swarm of tiny insects began to attack any piece of skin they could find, leaving little red stings that felt like being stabbed all over with a needle hundreds of times. I swatted at them and ran but they hung around regardless. I finally managed to outrun them but my face and hands were stinging with painful bites.

I kept walking, looking for a plant that I knew of to help soothe the pain. I realised that I was whimpering but I couldn't help it. I finally found something that would ease my discomfort, a giant leaf from an old rainforest based plant. I scored the surface with my nails and pressed the cool damp frond to my face and sighed with the instant relief. I did this a few more times, until I couldn't feel the pain anymore. My face must have been a little red but nothing too serious.

I heard a twig snap and a rustling from somewhere in the trees and I ducked down. I heard the footsteps approaching and I knew that I was no longer the only human in this neck of the woods. I tried to steady my breathing but I was so afraid. When the footsteps stopped I held my breath but I could hear nothing but the wind in the trees and the birds chattering away.

I started to stand slowly; I pulled the dagger out of its sheath and held it so tightly that I thought it would melt into my hand.

I wasn't even aware that it had happened until it did. A hand clasped over my mouth and pulled me in, a knife was flashing in my face as if it were taunting me. I managed to throw my elbow back and into my assailant's ribcage which caused him to groan and keel over, and he let me go. I turned to shove him to the floor and I held my dagger out over his chest.

I looked down into his stunning green eyes, it was Caius.

"Hey, hey! Take it easy!" He said as he regained his breath.

"That's rich, coming from the man who just attacked me!" I didn't move.

He looked up at me, directly into my eyes and I almost got lost trying to perceive what I could see in them.

That was a mistake. In one swift move he had my wrist in his hand and twisted it so that I was flung to the ground. He rolled me onto my stomach and held my arm to my back. He pulled away my dagger and sat on me so I couldn't get up. He flashed the dagger in my face again.

This was it.

It was over and it had barely even begun.

I kicked my feet into his back frantically as I struggled and it felt like my shoulder was going to pull out of its socket.

"It's no use; I'm far too strong for you." He laughed.

"Doesn't mean I'm giving up!" I spat the words into the dirt.

The next part caught me off guard; he let go of my arm and stepped away from me.

I got to my feet and spun around. I managed to plant a substantial slap on his cheek before kicking him square in the chest. He stumbled back and tripped.

That's when I heard more footsteps, lots of them. There aren't that many career tributes. I heard snarling and I picked up my pack and slung it over my shoulder.

Caius was back on his feet, "run!" He yelled and turned away from me to sprint in the opposite direction.

I wasn't about to stand around and find out what it was so I followed him. It's lucky that I'm fast because I could keep up with Caius within a few feet. He knew more about this then I did and I wasn't about to lose sight of him.

My eyes darted around the forest, what was chasing us? My feet landed on all sorts of objects and my ankles threatened to give out but I had to keep going.

We came to an advance of rocks and boulders on an upwards slope. We had to climb it. Caius was a faster climber than me but I wasn't too far behind him when they emerged from the trees.

A pack of giant, snapping, snarling wolves. I tried to scramble faster but the sight of the monstrous creatures had caused me to panic. My feet caused the smaller rocks to crumble away and I found it hard to get a good grip as I crawled up the rock face.

When I made it to a flat platform I saw Caius take a running leap across a large gap in the rocks. I ran to the edge and looked over; it had to be a hundred feet drop and a two metre leap. I didn't have time to think about it. I ran back the way I came and hurled myself towards the chasm and sprang from the edge.

Unlike Caius, I fell short of the distance and reached out my arms as a last ditch attempt before my chest slammed into the rock. I screamed as my fingers clawed the dusty rock surface as I tried to pull myself up.

In a few moments the creatures would reach me, it was a jump they could make easily, and I would have no chance. Maybe I could let go now, I would rather die from the fall than be eaten alive by those wolves.

I looked up and saw Caius stop and look back at me after I screamed. He looked forwards again and yelled as he ran back towards me. He offered me a hand like he did that day in the training centre.

"Come on!" I reached up and he caught my arm before I slipped off the cliff.

He pulled me up without even straining and we ran forward, scaling a few more rocks as we did. I could hear the wolves closing in as they made the jump over the small gorge. I tried to run faster but I had no more air left in me.

We came to a steep downward slope of rocks and I took deep breaths as I tried to think of a way to get down without the beasts catching us and tearing the flesh from our bodies. Caius must have come to the same conclusion because he took a few steps back and ran towards me, locking me in his arms as he threw us both off the edge of the rocks and, hopefully, onto the grass.

We crashed down onto the grass, Caius curled his shoulder around and took the first impact but I landed flat on my back and lost all of the air from my lungs. I may have broken something had my pack not slightly absorbed some of the impact. As I gasped for air I looked back expecting the wolves to be looming over us like death. Instead I saw that they had stopped up at the edge of the cliff where we had been moments earlier.

"Why aren't they following?" I wheezed with the little breath I had managed to gain.

"It must be the boundary of their territory." Caius stood up shakily and with a slight limp.

He grabbed my hands and helped me up, this time he winced but tried to hide it from me. "Hurry, you don't want to wait around to see if I'm wrong."

I wasn't going to argue with him on that one.

We walked through the forest in silence until we found a dense mesh of trees in which to rest.

"This is as good a place as any to set up camp, it'll be dark soon." He dropped his pack and stretched out gingerly.

"Wait a minute… what's going on here?" I haven't moved since he started talking.

"I'm about to settle in for the night, do you plan on taking a seat? You have to be sore, especially after that tumble we just took. Sorry if I crushed you a little bit."

I looked at him with disbelief. "You just tried to _kill_ me!"

"Oh that? I wasn't being serious, when I saw that it was you I figured I could make a little game out of it." He smiled and went back to rummaging through his pack.

"You had a knife in my face and pinned me to the floor!"

"Okay, I apologise for the knife but some people like being pinned to the floor." He winked.

I scoffed and folded my arms over my bruising chest and winced.

"You sore from your jump?" He started walking towards me.

"Don't touch me." I flinched away from him.

"You're not little miss innocent you know." He rolled his eyes and walked back to his pack.

"What?"

"You slapped me, you kicked me; you held a knife up to me too you know."

"You attacked me!" He stepped back to me swiftly and cupped his hand over my mouth.

I shoved him in the side and he grimaced.

"Do you want everyone to know we're here?" He was probably right, not that I would admit it to him. "Yeah I attacked you but I let you up and then saved your life, twice."

"Slamming me into the ground is not saving my life." I folded my arms again but regretted it when I pressed against my tender skin again.

"You would have hit the rocks or the mutts would have caught you before you had the chance to jump. Face it, I saved your life and it's a fact. Don't forget that I came back to pull you up onto the rocks."

I tore my gaze from his and muttered a small 'thanks'.

I needed to go and find somewhere else to rest. The lack of sleep last night has left me exhausted. As I started walking past him, Caius called out to me.

"Where are you going?"

"To find a place to sleep."

"Stay here; we can be a team or something." He said it almost jokingly but it was clear that he was serious.

"Oh yeah, I'll just sleep while you keep watch and then kill me." I said sceptically.

"If I was going to kill you I would have done it already."

"Someone's cocky."

"Someone's naïve. I could have cut your throat when I first grabbed you. I could have left you hanging on that cliff, or standing on it at the end. Plus allies can be hard to come by. It's good to have someone on guard while you sleep." He does have a point.

"What happens when it's just the two of us left? Won't it make it harder?"

"It usually never comes to that," he sat down next to a tree and groaned. "Besides, if it does, I promise I'll make it quick." I actually smiled at that one. He smiled back at me, "there you go."

I don't really trust Caius but Peeta suddenly flashed into my mind, 'anyone is better than being alone'. I sighed.

I sat down next to a tree opposite Caius. I stretched out my legs and our feet bumped together. I looked up at him and we seemed to study one another. I don't think he trusts me much either, it was almost a serious moment, until Caius ruined it by raising his eyebrows and dropping them again. I broke eye contact but couldn't contain my laughter.

"I see you managed to grab a pack. What did you get?" He gestured towards the bag which was sitting right beside me.

"Oh, a water bottle, a little bit of food, basic first aid, night vision glasses, wire, rope, and some matches."

"Not bad, no sleeping bag?"

"No, why?"

"Weren't you just freezing last night?"

"It was chilly but I kept moving for most of the night, I didn't get much sleep." I thought back to last night, about how the woman from 5 slipped away in my arms after I tricked her into putting on my lipstick.

I felt so sorry for her, crying like she was and hurting the way that she did. So I gave her the poison, ending her misery.

"Did you run into anyone?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Did you kill anyone?" He eyed me with caution.

"I watched someone die." I made sure not to break eye contact.

He eventually did and didn't say anything more on the subject. "Do you have any water in there? I was looking for some when I found you."

"Yeah I do, and you were close, only about a ten minute walk." I could see that he wanted to ask for water but he wouldn't.

I rolled my eyes and rummaged through my bag. "Do you want some?"

He reached out at took a long drink. "Thank you." He handed it back and sighed appreciatively.

"It needs to last until we find more, what did you get in your pack?"

"A lot of the same, no glasses or first aid though, you were lucky there. I did get a sleeping bag."

"So you have food?"

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason, I just don't want you scoffing all of mine." He laughed lightly but put a hand to his chest in pain.

"You okay?"

"Just sore from that last bump." He rubbed his side and I imagine that there would be a large purple splodge there come morning.

I took a few deep breaths and started to relax. It was only then that I really started to appreciate how sore I actually was. My legs ached from the non-stop moving and trying to out-run the wolves over the rocks. My body throbbed from all the impacts it has suffered today, even my shoulder was twinging from where Caius had wrenched it back.

I wished I could make a fire now that the sun was going down, but it was too risky. I suggested that if we were going to become allies we should put our food supplies together to ration out. Caius agreed and we shared a meal of crackers and some cheese.

I didn't realise how hungry I was until I started eating. I definitely wanted to eat more but at this stage in the game it wasn't really logical.

I volunteered to take the first watch, which means I would be as good as alone again. Maybe even worse now that I had to make sure Caius could escape if anything arose.

We watched the seal rise in the sky and the first face was a surprise, the male tribute from District 1. Next was the woman from District 11. The sky went dark again.

I exhaled heavily; Haymitch was still alive.

Caius didn't seem too phased. Then again, he knew most of the tributes so he was probably trying to block it all out.

He was pulling out his sleeping bag and looking for a place to sleep comfortably. I pulled the glasses out of my pack and put them on. It was amazing how clear everything was, even after wearing them all night it still amazes me how sharp everything is.

Caius gave a little laugh, "nice shades."

"Shut up and go to sleep." I snapped.

Even though it was his turn to sleep I was pretty sure that he was still awake. He probably slipped in and out of sleep, still without trust. Not that I blame him, I would be the same.

It was early morning by the time he was finally asleep, I think. The night had slowly been getting colder and by this time, I was freezing. My teeth were chattering, my skin was crawling with goose bumps and my gut was aching with hunger and cold. It felt like my lungs were getting smaller with each icy breath I took.

I let out a small cry and struggled to breathe.

"Are you okay?" Caius rolled over to face me and I was now shivering uncontrollably.

"I'm… F…F…F…Free…e…Freezing." I choked.

"I told you." I shot him a death glare and he sat up. "I'll go on watch now." He slipped out of his sleeping bag and tossed it over to me.

"What…What…What…are you-"

"Shh, just take it, the sun will be up soon and if you don't take it now you'll be dead in the morning. I'll be fine."

I looked at it suspiciously but I wasn't in any position to pass it up.

I took the sleeping bag and climbed inside, it hurt every part of my battered body to do so. It was still warm from Caius' body and it smelt like warm spice and pine. This wasn't a pine forest so this must be what Caius smells like up close. It was earthy and sweet. It was almost as though he could have been living under the stars in the pine forests of District 7 up until he volunteered. _He volunteered_. I had forgotten about that.

One of the victors that were reaped from 7 was an old man; he must have been about seventy. Caius volunteered to save him even though it seemed slightly pointless.

I snuggled down into the bag and felt the heat soak into my body. It felt so wonderful that I let out a small groan.

"You better now?" He asked.

"Much, thank you. You should take the glasses." I handed them over to him and he put them on, I think.

I couldn't believe the difference without them. I tried to think about everything but I was so exhausted that even my lack of trust in Caius couldn't hold me back from my dreams.

I woke up mid-morning to the sound of a cannon. In my groggy daze I thought it might have been me. Then I remembered that it wasn't just me anymore.

I wanted to call out to him but if the others were near it would be my death sentence.

He wasn't at our make-shift camp anymore and part of me was furious with him that he would leave me alone. The rest of me wanted to find him.

I climbed out of the sleeping bag and picked up the dagger that was lying beside me.

I searched the trees with my eyes but we had picked such a dense patch of forest.

And then I saw it, a hovercraft.

I ran in the same direction and reached a clearing just in time to see the male figure being lifted into the craft.

"Caius!" it was too late, he was gone and I just gave away my position.

I tried running back, but I didn't exactly know where 'back' was. I heard noises coming from nearby and I crouched down like I had the day before, this was getting all too familiar.

"You need to learn the art of stealth." I spun around in shock.

"Caius?! You're alive?"

"Clearly." He pulled his hand away from his left arm to reveal a large gash that sliced part of his arm and about six inches of his chest.

Just by looking at it I could see that it wasn't deep, it was just bleeding a lot.

"What happened?"

"I got up to look for something to hunt, and ran into that damn Richter from 4. He got me pretty good before I even knew what was going on." He winced as he pulled a bit of slashed fabric away from his wound.

"We'll go back to the packs and you can let me look at that." We started back in the right direction, Caius knew where to go. "So what happened then?" I didn't look up.

"You mean how did I kill him? Probably best you don't know." He grumbled.

After a little bit of searching we managed to make it back.

"Take off your shirt and show me your cut." I said as I rummaged through my pack.

"Cut? He practically sliced me in two! And I'll show you mine if you show me yours." He tried to wink but his face contorted in pain as he peeled off his shirt.

I let out a gasp, and not because he was such a magnificent specimen like he seems to think, but because of the bruising and the amount of blood.

"I am not showing you mine." I said, trying not to think about how battered I must be under my clothes.

"Come on, I meant battle wounds; what were you thinking?" My eyes trailed to a shapely bruise in the middle of his torso.

I realised that it was my boot print from the kick I gave him yesterday. "Oh! I'm sorry!"

He followed my gaze and figured out what I was looking at. "Don't worry about it."

I pulled out the first aid kit and found some gauze. I hesitated a moment but I sacrificed some water to moisten the gauze.

"Put this on the wound and clean it up."

"You're not going to play nurse for me?"

"Not now, not ever. I need to go looking for something." I handed him the gauze and he just stared at me.

"You're leaving?"

"I'm looking for a plant." I ignored anything else he had to say and walked away.

It wasn't long before I found just the type of plant that I needed. Felix Corrales. The name had something to do with luck. I pulled off plenty of leaves and headed back.

"Finally!" he sighed.

"Oh relax, I was gone five minutes and there were no cannons. And you can't talk after you left me this morning! You scared me when I woke up and you weren't there." I knelt beside him and started to pull away the bloody gauze.

"You missed me hey?" I ignored him.

"The good news is that it seems to be a shallow gash, lucky you're so muscular." I could feel my cheeks flush the moment the words escaped me.

"Well thank you." He chuckled arrogantly.

"That wasn't a compliment."

"Maybe not intentionally."

I went to place the leaves over his wounds but he grabbed my wrist.

"What are those?"

"They'll stop the bleeding and start to heal the wound." He didn't let go.

"How do I know they aren't poisonous?"

"I'm holding them aren't I?"

"Internally poisonous or something." I rolled my eyes and took out my dagger.

I made a small incision on my arm and tore a part of the leaf to cover the slash which was now dribbling blood. "Happy now?"

"You didn't have to do that."

"Apparently I did."

"It's barely been a day; excuse me for not trusting you."

"Oh you're excused. Just like last night where you hardly slept." He looked slightly bashful.

I grabbed my leaves and covered his wounds, this time he let me.

"You were pretty restless yourself." He finally piped up.

"I guess you can only trust the other person from your District." I inspected my work and sat opposite him like last night.

"Even then." His eyes bore into mine and I couldn't help wondering what was going on behind them.

I looked away and found some bandages to dress him with once it was time to take off the leaves.

"You need to keep those on for a while longer yet." I looked up at him.

I thought back to what I said about him being so muscular. He was almost completely muscle. His body was wide and solid, I could feel how toned he was from when I put his leaves on.

That's not what I should be thinking about now. How attractive he is doesn't matter. I allowed myself to take one more glance at him before I stood up and stretched.

"I should go looking for water." I thought back to Peeta, almost a little guiltily, and what he said about water.

"On your own?" He looked almost amused at the thought, as if I needed him.

That made me angry.

"Don't worry, I'll be back to protect you as soon as I can." I said it as patronisingly as I could.

"There's no way I'm worried about me."

"That's so sweet that you worry about me Caius. I'll be fine."

"Yeah sure."

"Fine. How about we wait until I can bandage you up and then we'll go together." I would almost rather go alone with him being injured, but the more I thought about it I realised that I was probably still safer with him then without him.

"I like that plan better."

We sat in silence for what must have been a good half hour before he piped up again.

"We should get to know each other, you know, if we're going to be allies."

"You kind of just proclaimed us as allies; you didn't actually give me an option."

"So what's your favourite colour?" He smiled as he ignored my complaints.

I sighed, "Fine, it's that glorious crimson colour, you know; the one that you can see when you smear blood and get that slightly translucent effect. It's just so rich and lustrous, don't you think?" I fluttered my eyelids at him and he gave me a wicked grin.

"How quaint."

I managed to laugh a little "So what's your favourite colour then?"

He thought for a moment, "green." He said flatly.

"Green, that's it?"

"What? Do I have to give a vivid description like you?"

"Yes."

He laughed. "Fine, that green that… the first new leaves of spring. After a bleak winter it's just awesome to see that bright green colour pop up in the trees again like it's the first time. It's almost too green to be real."

"Like your eyes." This was one of those moments where I wish I'd learnt how to shut off that link between my brain and my mouth.

He threw me a sly smile, "yeah, I guess you could say that."

He was definitely amused by my slip of the tongue but the glare I was giving him seemed to keep him at bay.

"So who have you got waiting for you back home?" He asked after a long period of exchanging looks.

"No one really, just my makeshift parents, maybe a friend or two." It was mostly true, as far as Caius needed to know.

"Makeshift parents?"

"My mother died when I was younger, they just sort of accepted me after that."

"No father?"

I paused for a brief moment. "I don't know who he is." That's a lie; I know perfectly well who he is.

"Sorry about that."

"Don't be, I feel closer to him now than I ever did before."

"Why?"

"I can guarantee that wherever he is I'm probably slipping in and out of his mind." Definitely true.

"Right, I forgot you Capitol people watch the games with unmatched interest." I shrugged and looked away from him.

After a few minutes he spoke up again. "So no boyfriend?"

I felt a smile creep onto my lips. "No, and why do you ask Caius?" It was my turn to act smug.

"I was just asking, don't worry, you're not my type." He gave a small chuckle.

I felt slightly offended; I hope it didn't show on my face. "So what _is_ your type then Mr Hotshot?"

He pulled a face as if he were thinking really hard. "Definitely tall, blonde, rich, and curvaceous." He beamed at me almost sarcastically.

"And how many of them do you find in District 7?"

"Enough." He was almost laughing.

"You're a liar."

"I am not, you're just jealous."

"Why would I be jealous?"

"Because I said that you're not my type and I can tell that you just wish you were."

I narrowed my eyes. "I can assure you, I don't. But I could probably guess what your type _really_ is."

"Go on then." He carefully folded his arms so that he didn't disturb his leaves or bump his bruises.

I pulled the same face that he had done just before and he laughed. "I'm going to say brunette, not short, but shorter than you, knows her way around a forest, playful, loving, good with her hands, and smart. That's about it I think."

He stared at me curiously before he said anything. "So you mean like you?" He raised one eyebrow and I scoffed.

"Don't be stupid, I'm not loving or good with my hands."

"We could always test that last one out." He shot me a devilish grin and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Not in this lifetime, besides, I'm not used to handling small tools."

He roared with laughter, "well then I guarantee that I you won't be disappointed."

We both laughed, for a long time. Then there was a long stretch of silence. He hadn't argued with me about his type so maybe I had hit the nail on the head and he just wanted to move away from the subject. There was probably a girl like that back home that he was missing.

"We can probably get those leaves off now." I finally broke the silence.

"Good, it's starting to get weird with you staring at me all the time."

"I'm not staring at you; I've been checking the leaves." I crawled over to him.

"You weren't looking at the leaves. Anyone would think I was _your_ type." I looked up and into his eyes; something about them trapped me in them.

"Trust me, you're not. Now shut up so I can do this." She said nothing else but he kept his gaze trained on my eyes.

I started to peel back the leaves and he screwed up his face as if he was expecting it to be painful. I almost laughed considering how much it should have hurt when Richter inflicted the injury.

As I revealed the wound I felt quite proud of myself. The skin was almost glued back together by the sticky juices that oozed from the plant upon contact with this kind of injury. It was a fresh pink colour where healing had started and there was almost no trace of blood.

"Wow, that's amazing. How did you know about that plant?" he reached up to touch the wound but I slapped his hand away. "Don't touch it. I know my way around a forest." I smiled a little, knowing that this was one of the things I had included in the description of his type. He smiled back.

I touched the cut; it was now sticky enough to cover it with the bandage. He watched as I used the dagger to cut a decent length of bandage and place it over the wound.

"I'm going to be stuck with a big scar aren't I?"

"Yes, but I thought women were supposed to love battle scars."

"Do you?" I looked into his eyes again but I ignored his question.

"Can we go looking for water now?"

I helped him up and he tested out my nursing skills by flexing and stretching out his body.

The good thing about that type of remedy was that it allowed a much greater flexibility and fluidity in movement. This was just perfect for the games. Lucky.

As he pulled his shirt back over his head I stole a glance at him, his textured form travelled all the way down his body to where his cut lines disappeared beneath the start of his pants.

I looked away before he had the chance to tease me about staring.

We gathered our things and started our long walk.

"Why aren't we going back to where you found water last time?" We had been walking for more than an hour and neither of us has said much.

"I told you that there should be more water, besides, do you really want to go back and face those creatures?" I sighed impatiently; it was like travelling with a child.

"Good point. Anyway, what's your type then? You heard mine so tell me yours."

He held up a branch so that I could climb through.

"Technically you told me nothing true, I guessed yours. How accurate was I anyway?"

"You weren't, I told you mine."

"You keep going on about how we should be allies but when it comes down to it you refuse to actually try." Maybe it was exhaustion or hunger, or a combination of both, but I snapped a little.

I know I was being cautious too, but at least I was giving him something. This was me actually trying. Some things I had to lie about for my own safety, I might be willing to share others if we could learn to trust one another.

"I am trying, what do you want from me?" We stopped and turned to look at one another; our emotions running high.

"A little truth maybe."

"You want my life story? Is that it?" I could hear that he was holding his anger behind his teeth.

"Are you holding back because you're going to kill me in the near future?" I blurted, I almost sounded upset but I couldn't help it.

"What?" He looked at me like I was crazy, probably true.

"You refuse to even try and trust me. You said we should try to get to know one another, but you're being so restrained!"

"You were the one who gave that lovely spiel about your favourite colour being blood red!"

"Oh! I'm sorry, I lied. It's not like I told you anything about my family or took the time to think about what kind of girl you might be interested in based on observations, and I definitely didn't play doctor for you while you vexed over whether I was going to _poison_ you or not!" I don't know where this hysteria was coming from, I was usually sarcastic or snide in an argument; I guess the games had a way of bringing out your emotions. "If you're going to kill me and that's why you don't want to get to know me then just kill me now." I put my arms out to my sides and looked at him accusingly.

"I'm not going to kill you."

"Promise?" I smiled a little.

"No, but I promise I won't do it while there are others in the game."

"Good enough." We started walking again. "So, how close was I?"

He gave me that same curious look that he did when I had made the guess about his type.

"Surprisingly, you were pretty close, I guess."

"I'm pretty good at reading people, my mother was the same."

"What was she like?"

"Different, she hated all that high tech stuff. She was a doctor, probably closer to what you'd call a healer. She like natural remedies, that's how I know about all of those things, like the leaves." I was sure I was smiling involuntarily and I could feel myself drifting into a world of thoughts that I haven't let myself think about for a long time. "Enough about her though." I dragged myself away before I became completely lost.

I know that Caius is watching me closely, "she sounds nice." He said softly.

I didn't respond to him, part of me was using this as a way to prove my earlier point. The rest of me was left thinking about my mother. I was grateful when Caius lightened the mood.

"Tell me your type then."

"Are we really back to this?"

"You brought it up. And what else is there to do?"

"Look for water? And I had to guess yours so you can guess mine."

"Well, he'd have to be smart, strong, definitely a bit of a trouble maker, I can just tell; and of course insanely attractive with some kind of defining feature." He smiled cheekily. "This is where you're supposed to say 'you mean like you' like I did."

"If that were the case then you forgot over confident, arrogant and self-important."

"Not to mention brilliant and dynamite in-"

"Hold it there!" I laughed. "I don't think I know you well enough to talk about _that_ yet."

"Why not? It's always fun."

"To talk about?"

"Sure." He chuckled to himself and watched me for a reaction.

I wasn't about to give him any satisfaction so I bit my lip and supressed a smile.

He waited a little bit longer to speak and I thought he might have moved on from the subject but he seemed to have found an interest in grilling me for information.

"So do you get guys just swarming you back in the Capitol?"

"We are not having this conversation Caius."

"Come on! You might never get to tell anyone all the juicy details of your love-life ever again."

"I can live with that."

"Oh come on, I'm trying to lighten the mood. I mean look where we are, I'm distracting you from the prospect of our demise. It's not by accident either you know." He smiled at me with one of the most genuine looks I had seen him give. It was one of the most genuine looks I had seen since I thrust myself into the world of the games.

And he was right; it was distracting, and comforting. I tried to shake the thought of Caius as a comfort out of my head.

"Fine, and no they don't throw themselves at me. I'm not really looking for them either; I have more important things to worry about."

"Everyone's looking, you can't help it." He shrugged.

"No, everyone looks because they can't help it, not everyone is _looking_." He thought about it for a second before that cheeky grin crossed his face again. "Does that mean you were checking me out?"

"Yes Caius, because I look at you and think 'what a magnificent specimen, I just can't help myself.' It's almost impossible." I rolled my eyes and he laughed.

"Well I am pretty amazing."

"I'm well aware of the way girls throw themselves at you. I cannot tell you how many times I heard your name and saw your picture when I was in high school." I thought back to the year that he won, so many girls had fawned over him for obvious reasons, and the boys admired his prowess in the arena.

"Pretty much all the Capitol girls do, and it's nice to know that I was admired." There was almost a bitter note in his voice.

"Pretty much all?" I raised an eyebrow. "Are you telling me that some don't throw themselves at your… feet?"

He gave me a half smile, "only one…you."

"Well doesn't that tell you something?"

"Yeah, it tells me that I actually need to put some effort in." I got locked in his eyes as I tried to decide whether or not he was joking.

"Or maybe just that I'm different from the crowd."

"Shh." He put a hand out to stop me and looked around.

"What?"

"Shut up for a minute!" He hissed.

It took me a moment to see what he was doing; he was listening. I started listening too. It was only when we were both silent and still that I heard it. A slow rushing sound was echoing through the trees, I tried to see where it was coming from but it was almost like it was surrounding us.

"What is that?" I asked, resting my hand on my dagger.

"It sounds like water."

"It can't be water; we would have heard it already."

"Then what is it?" he looked over at me with worried eyes.

"It's too slow to be water." I thought back to previous games where the gamemakers used rushing lava to draw out tributes and I shuddered.

"It's a mudslide."

"How do you know? And we're not on a slope so how would it be moving?" I asked him.

He pointed back to where we came from and I turned to see it coming. A creeping brown wave of mud about fifty metres away.

"Come on." We moved quickly through the trees but it seemed to get faster the further we got from it.

We tried to run but the mud started to catch up with us in the thick trees. It crept closer and closer until it overtook us and we were trying to run in shin-high mud through the forest. I yelled out as I felt myself losing control of my balance and Caius looked over at me as if to make sure I was okay. The moment he changed his focus he slipped and fell. The mud began to move faster and it was only a few more seconds before I slipped too.

We were being pulled by the current of the mud and I could feel it sinking into my shoes and clothing as I swung my body from side to side to avoid the trees. I heard Caius yell and I started to panic. It was only a moment before I realised why.

He had just dropped off the edge of what looked like a small cliff. And I was next. As I felt my body slip over the edge with the mud I yelled out. I felt weightless and all I could think about was where I was going to end up, where Caius had gone and when the cannons would sound.

I hit the ground faster than I thought with another blow that knocked the wind out of me. I thought I was about to be showered with the thick brown liquid that had dragged us this far so I tried to scramble up. As I moved I realised that the mud hadn't followed me over the cliff. _Another Capitol mutation_.

I looked to my side and saw Caius kneeling on the ground, probably in pain, and almost smiling as he looked out in front of us. I looked ahead and saw a clear sparkling lake and a small green meadow. It was a beautiful sight.

It was like a hidden spring, an oasis in this desert. The trees framed it so well that I could barely see a metre through them.

"Well, we found water." He said with a smile.

His handsome face was covered with mud and there were only small patches of his skin visible. His eyes were mesmerising on the dark background.

"I suppose we did." I flicked a bit of mud at him and he laughed.

He got up quickly and let his pack slip to the floor; thank god they're water proof, hopefully mud-proof too. He jogged into the lake and cupped some water in his hands which he threw at me. I laughed and dropped my pack to head for the water with him.

I kicked up the water as I headed into the lake and sprayed him with it. He lurched forward and wrapped his arms around me and we dropped into the cool water laughing at our good fortune. I rolled him off me and we lay there trying to wash the mud from our bodies.

"We might even be able to light a quick fire, to keep dry. This place is pretty secluded." He said.

"I hope so, but what about food, do you think you could find anything to hunt?"

"I haven't seen anything I could hunt the entire time we've been here."

"Well then what are we going to eat?"

As the words left my lips I watched a silver parachute float down and land near our packs. I sighed as the scent of warm lamb stew wafted into my nose. We just looked at one another and grinned.

It was late afternoon and we had a fire started to dry our clothes before nightfall. We agreed that we would light it and let it die, that was all we get. We sat by the fire with our feet as close to it as possible without burning them and shared the lamb stew. We pretty much demolished it in minutes and battled forks for the last few bites.

"So who do you think this was meant for?" I asked as I stretched out lazily after the best meal I've had in days.

"Uh, both of us, there were two servings. Though by the way you were eating it could have been for one of us." I nudged him with my shoulder.

"You know what I mean, who were they sponsoring?"

"Both of us, if it was you they wouldn't send you something that they know you would share, and same for me. We have fans out there." It was an eerie feeling really.

There were people out there who were betting on my life, people who were trying to save me because they wanted me to succeed, or because they thought I was pretty. And everyone loves Caius, he'll be a favourite. He was probably the best person to ally with.

"I can take the first watch again tonight." I said.

"If you want, just wake me when you start to freeze."

I waited a moment, "how many cannons did you hear today?"

"Including the one for Richter, two I think."

"Was that only today? It feels like it happened days ago." I sighed.

He ran his hand over the bandage on his chest. "Thanks to your remedy it does."

We sat around chatting until night fell; Caius was telling me about working in the pine forests of District 7.

When the seal rose we saw Richter's picture in the sky and the number for District 4, then there was the man from District 11. The sky went black after that.

"How many of us does that leave?" I asked.

"Two down today, two down yesterday, and eight-"

"Nine, there was nine on day one." I interrupted.

"Well that makes thirteen down, so there must be eleven of us left." I was grateful that he said down rather than dead.

"You and me, and Haymitch, Cress and Blaze, Michel, I don't know the others names." I said as I ran through the remaining victors.

"Thea from 1, Rover from 3, Kara from 4, Janet from 6, and Dana from my District."

"Do you know her well?"

"We mentored together; I don't think she fully recovered from her games. You see this?" He rolled up his sleeve and I saw a purple mark in the shape of a ring.

"That's not a-"

"Bite mark? Yes, it is. She looked worried when we all jumped off our platforms so I went to ask if she needed help and she launched at me like some kind of rabid animal. I had to slam her into the ground to get her off." I must have given him a pity face because he got a little defensive. "I won't really miss her at the end; I mean we didn't really know each other. I think I know her even less than you. It's just that it's been five years, you know?"

"I know." He had no idea just how much I meant it.

"The sky looks pretty in the lake." I said as I stared at the glassy surface of stars.

"If that really is the sky." Caius said drolly.

"Why did you have to ruin it?" I shook my head and looked over to him.

"It's fun. Besides, you're cute when you get annoyed at me." He winked and walked over to his pack.

I smiled stupidly. I'm glad he wasn't looking because he would just revel in the sight of me looking like that. He started pulling out his sleeping bag and I stretched out in preparation for a long night.

I watched as he picked one of the trees that faced the meadow and sat down. I sat by the dying embers as he propped himself up in his sleeping bag. I'm still not sure about staying here where it's so open, but Caius thinks we'll be fine so I'm going to trust him.

He sent a warm smile my way before he closed his eyes and tried his luck at sleeping. I imagine he'll sleep better tonight than last night,

I took out the glasses and put them on. As it became quieter around us and the stars became brighter, the cold started to set in. I managed to take some of the warm coals in my hands to keep them warm, but it wasn't long before I had run out. It seemed colder than last night, probably some agenda of the gamemakers.

It must have only been a few hours before my chest started to tighten from the cold again. I shuffled over to Caius and nudged him on the shoulder.

"What? What is it?" He seemed more alert then I would have thought for someone who had just been asleep.

Then again, he knew all about the danger of the games so it really shouldn't have surprised me.

"W…we…wee…n…need to switch." I choked.

"This is ridiculous! It's not even midnight."

"Well…tell…tell that to…the weather."

"I'll have to wake you up in a few hours too, we won't get much sleep."

"Do…do you have…a…b…better idea?"

He was about to say something but held back and I watched him think of an idea in his head.

"Well if we could both be warm at the same time it would solve the problem." He said slowly.

"Clearly."

"Well, it's a big sleeping bag; we could always… share it."

"You mean…get in…to…together?

"… Yes." He looked like he was preparing for a spray from me.

"I could have yelled, but what was the point? He was right, it was a logical idea and I wasn't in a position right now to say no.

Or at least that's what I'll tell myself.

"Okay."

"Really?" He opened his eyes wide and a small smile crept onto his face.

"Don't… get too excited."

He laughed as he unzipped the bag so that I could climb in next to him.

"Wow, you're freezing!" As my legs pressed against his the heat from his body was almost too much, but it felt wonderful after being exposed to the cold night air.

"I'm aware of that!" I hissed.

"Okay, so you keep watch for another few hours then wake me up." He said as we moved about almost awkwardly to try and get comfortable.

"Fine." He lifted his arm and we managed to settle with his arm around my shoulders and one of my legs resting on his.

"Just try and keep your hands to yourself while I sleep." He chuckled as he leant his head back against the tree and closed his eyes.

He drifted to sleep quickly.

My senses were overwhelmed by him. The pine and spice smell was so much stronger. It was so rich and intoxicating. The noises he made in his sleep were surprisingly content and they made his body tremble in a way that gave me goose bumps. I had absorbed all of my heat from his body and now we shared it in the small space of the sleeping bag.

It gave me that feeling of safety like I was back home and the constant rise and fall of his chest was comforting.

By the time midnight rolled around I was exhausted. I don't know if it was the run we made today or the large hearty meal we shared but all I felt like doing was sleeping.

I nudged Caius again and this time he was a little slower to react.

"It's not midnight yet." He grumbled.

"Close enough." I took off the glasses and handed them over to him.

He adjusted himself again and let me rest my head on his shoulder as I slipped into sleep. The last thing I remember is Caius gently brushing my shoulder with his thumb as he held me against him.

I dreamt about the games. This time I was surrounded by three men; Caius, Peeta, and Haymitch.

Haymitch started walking towards me and Caius lunged at him, blade first. I didn't see how it ended between them because Peeta was reaching out for my hand and I'm reaching for him when Caius turns on him, his eyes a deep crimson red. I try to yell but the dream ends before I find out what happens.

The same dream played over at least four times during my sleep and when the sun was up I woke with a start right as Caius made it to Peeta.

"You've been doing that all night." Caius said from beside me.

"Sorry, bad dream." I mumbled as I climbed out.

"Don't be, you're not the only one."

"I don't doubt that." I said as I stretched out.

He rolled out of the sleeping bag and stuffed it into his pack.

"So what's on the agenda today?" I called back to him as I was filling up the water bottles.

"First I say we try and find out exactly where we are."

"And how do you propose we do that? Commandeer a hovercraft?"

"The trees are just as good."

I looked up at the giants that towered over us and raised an eyebrow. "I suppose, so how do you propose we get up _there_?"

"We climb obviously." He smiled and walked over to one of the trees at the edge of the meadow.

"You go ahead spider monkey, my feet are probably better on the ground."

"Spider monkey?" Crap, that slipped out.

He was just beaming with arrogance and I felt my face flushing furiously. "They're a type of old world monkey… You reminded me of one back in the training arena on that climbing frame."

"You don't have to justify yourself, I think it's adorable that you gave me a pet name." He was absolutely grinning with satisfaction. He looked almost like he was genuinely happy and not just revelling in my humiliation. I felt my cheeks flushing even more and I avoided his eyes. "Sorry," I didn't expect that, why would he apologise? "But it is cute." There it is.

He started to climb through the thick branches and he was gone in seconds.

H really is a spider monkey." I said under my breath.

I waited for him to call out and it really wasn't long.

"Are you coming?" He yelled.

"Just tell me what you see."

"Come on." Great.

I walked over to the tree and started to climb up through the branches but I was clumsy. I saw that Caius had hung his bag on a branch and so I did the same. I looked up and wondered how Caius even made it, let alone as fast as he did.

"Where are you?" I called.

"Right here." He hung down my the legs and appeared behind me.

I just about fell out of the tree from the fright he gave me. He caught my arms and pulled me back so that I regained my balance.

"Don't _do_ that! How are you even holding yourself up?"

He grabbed a branch and swung around so that he was standing with me. "I was practically raised in the trees, remember? This is pretty easy-going for me." He shrugged.

"Okay, so can I get down now?"

No, where's the fun in that? I'll help you."

So we started to climb the tree, Caius was all over it. I'm sure he was enjoying showing off. I'm not exaggerating, that's exactly what he was doing. He kept swinging around and climbing back and forth while I struggled to make it from one branch to the next.

"Can you stop that?! I'm nervous enough as it is without you flinging yourself around like that." I said irritably.

"You're almost at the top." He perched himself above me and offered me his hand like he had done so many times before.

When I took it he pulled me up and through the tree line. It was pretty amazing. I could see further than I thought I would be able to, from the rocky ridges we had travelled from the day before on one side to an on-going expanse of trees to the other. I could see some black smoke billowing up into the sky from the direction with all the trees. It wasn't like a games fire, more like a tribute's fire for cooking or warmth.

"Who do you think that is?"

"Probably Dana, she gets to a point where she just doesn't care about anything anymore, she probably just wants things over and done with sooner."

"Did you do all of this kind of stuff on the first day?"

"If you mean did I go all spider monkey then yes, I did. I even slept up here."

"How did you not fall out?"

"I tied myself in with the rope in my pack."

"Oh."

A breeze came through gently. I watched as all of the trees rustled in turn and the smoke began to drift through the sky.

"It's peaceful up here isn't it?" He said before he inhaled deeply.

"It's like stepping into another reality."

Another gust of wind came through and I tightened my grip on the branches.

"Relax, it's safe." Caius laughed.

"Easy for you to say."

"Here, I'll give you a tip."

He reached out and put his hands on my hips, holding me steady. I remember when he did this the first time in the training arena and I shoved him away from me, this time my body was almost waiting for him to pull me in.

"Are we back to throwing knives Caius? Because I left mine with my pack." I felt him give a silent laugh.

"Let go of the branch."

"No."

"I can always make you." He whispered in my ear and a shiver ran down my spine.

"And I can always push you." I said through gritted teeth.

"Go ahead, I know how to catch myself, but could you get down if I wasn't here to help?"

I sighed and pried my fingers away from the branches.

"I've got you, put your arms out."

"That wasn't part of the deal."

"I can always push you." I smiled. "Quick, another breeze is coming."

I closed my eyes and put my arms out. I felt like I was going to fall so I didn't dare open my eyes. Caius held me into him tightly and it made me feel better about the fact that I wasn't holding on anymore.

I was trying to focus on all of those things when the breeze engulfed me. I could feel the wind encompass my whole body. It was a different kind of breeze then at ground level. It was warm and sweet with an updraft that made me feel like I was soaring high above the treetops.

That was when I realised it; In that moment, letting go of the branches and letting Caius hold my body and essentially my life in his hands, I was surrendering to him my complete trust.

In these games, trust is the only thing more dangerous than the game itself.

I'm not even sure how long we spent up there, just laughing and hiding away in the parallel world above the trees. It really did feel like we were somewhere else, away from the games. We decided to head down and at first Caius left me at the top of the tree. He seemed to find it amusing, I didn't. He climbed back up and held me into him as he manoeuvred through the branches. He was still better with one arm and me as dead weight than I was alone.

We grabbed our packs and made it back into the meadow.

"We need to find something to hunt; it's a bit pathetic if we rely on sponsors for food." Caius said as we sat back on solid ground.

"Have you seen anything you could possibly hunt?"

"Last night there were a few small animals in here, I could probably set a trap with some wire."

"What kind of animals?"

"Just some premium beef, top shelf lamb, you know, the kind of stuff that just wanders through the forests here." He grinned.

"Oh ha-ha, make fun of the Capitol girl. I know what kind of animals are in a forest, I didn't think that I was walking into a livestock pasture." I snapped.

"What do you actually do?"

"What do you mean?"

"In the Capitol, you know, when you're not volunteering for death?" He smiled.

"I'm a student."

He raised an eyebrow, "like school?"

"Advanced learning, I already graduated high school."

"That sounds boring; do you just learn the same things over and over again?"

"No, I study the history of the old world, and archaeology and anthropology."

"That was mostly a list of words I don't understand."

"Archaeology is the study of artefacts and historical sites. Anthropology is the study of cultures and customs."

"That kind of stuff is interesting to you?"

"Absolutely." I smiled. "What do you do back in District 7?"

"Well, you go to school, when you hit twelve you start working with the lumber, or you get picked for the games, and you stay at school until you're sixteen, then you work in lumber, or paper. That's pretty much it." I almost felt a little guilty for going on and on about all of the things I do. "I still work with the lumber guys, even though I don't have to anymore."

"Why?"

"I love doing it. Why are you still at school even though you don't have to be?"

"Fair call."

I watched as he started to pull the wire out of his pack and start tying it up. "Can you grab me a good sturdy stick?" he said.

"Are you hinting to something Caius?" I smiled cheekily.

"No, must have been a happy accident." I laughed and looked around.

When I found one I picked off all of the leaves and twigs until it was relatively smooth. I watched as Caius managed to make a snare trap. He set it up on the inside rim of the meadow and smiled appreciatively at his work.

"Now we just have to wait for something to come and get in it." He said.

"I assume all creature look at suspiciously placed inorganic materials and think 'well, I better go and get in that'."

"Shut up."

"They probably don't like all this noise you're making. We should go for a walk and come back in a few hours." I suggested.

"Walk? Really?"

"We can collect some berries or something. Maybe a marinade for the mystery meat that walks into our trap."

"_Our _trap?"

"I… collected the stick." He laughed as he slung the pack over his shoulder.

"Alright then."

We started to walk away from the meadow. I have no idea how we'll get back but Caius assures me that he knows his way around a forest. I made sure that my knives were in the perfect position to make a quick grab if I needed to. Anyone could be anywhere, I'm sure Caius was doing the same thing.

We managed to find a patch of berries and I picked a few blueberries and popped them into my mouth. I looked over to see Caius collecting some berries in his hand and I walked over and slapped it, sending the berries flying in all directions.

"No." I said calmly and walked past him.

"Hey! What the hell? Don't think you can tell me what I can and cannot eat. Are you afraid I'll ruin my appetite?" I raised an eyebrow and he picked another one and popped it into his mouth.

I turned away and rolled my eyes. "They're poison."

I heard him couch up the berries that he had arrogantly popped into his mouth.

"Well why didn't you just say that?"

"You were too busy scoffing poison."

"If they're so poison then what do they do to you?" he asked.

"Well, one or two won't kill you; you'll just feel a little off. Three or four will give you a bit of a stomach ache, five or six will make you throw up violently and permanently scar your throat, and any more than that and it will burn through the lining of your stomach and anything else it can touch while it mixes with stomach acid, creating a nasty concoction that literally burns you from the inside out." He looked at me with disbelief.

"Well thanks, but you could have just let me die; it would make it easier for you in the end."

"Not really, it's a pretty gruesome way to die."

"And I'm fascinating company?"

I wavered my hand and pulled a questionable face. He nudged me with his hip.

"How do you remember all this stuff?"

"I'm very intelligent."

"Oh is that all?"

"I have a brilliant memory."

"Apparently it's not." He smirked.

We wandered through the forest and I collected a few bits and pieces from plants. I also picked up some dry wood to make a fire for later. We must have been walking for at least two hours, and I didn't even notice that we had turned around when Caius led us back to the meadow.

"You really do know your way around the forest." I said.

He dropped his pack and headed over to his trap. I started setting up my dry wood for a fire. A few moments later, Caius came back holding up a scruffy grey creature and grinning wildly.

"You up for some meat?"

"Oh god, what is that thing?" I started to feel like a Capitol girl again as I turned my nose up.

"Possum, now I suggest you don't look while I skin the thing if you're squeamish."

"Volunteered for the games…" I pointed to myself.

He drained the blood and skinned the possum, I probably should have looked away, it was pretty disgusting. I didn't watch him take the meat off the bones.

"Here, rub these seeds into the meat." I gave him a handful of seeds from my pocket.

"They're not poison are they?"

I slapped his arm and he smiled.

"I plan on eating some too you know."

"Hey, I caught it, who said you'll be eating it?"

I slapped him again.

It was late afternoon when I had a fire going and Caius was cooking small slabs of the meat over it. I was more interested in warming my hands, it wasn't cold at all but the heat just felt so fantastic.

When Caius said that the meat was cooked we started to eat. I watched his amused expression as I started to eat. I must have looked like an idiot as I timidly put the meat into my mouth. I could taste the seeds and it was charred on the outside from the fire but it was not bad, quite tough. I narrowed my eyebrows as Caius sniggered at me, he didn't say a word though.

"We probably have an hour or two before the sun starts to set, the fire should be alright until then." He said as he finished his share of the meat.

We had cooked up all of it and I wrapped the extra in some leaves to put in Caius' pack for tomorrow.

"Good, the more heat the better."

"You know, the water's actually pretty warm." He looked over to the lake.

"So what?" I sensed that he was hinting to something that I wasn't going to like.

"Doesn't it just make you want to take off your clothes and swim?" He beamed.

I laughed and shook my head. "No!"

"Suit yourself." He raised his eyebrows and stood up.

He pulled his shirt over his head and kicked his shoes off. He started running to the lake and I laughed as I watched him strip himself down to his grey boxer shorts before letting the water embrace his body. When it was deep enough he dove beneath the surface and emerged again with a purposeful flick of his hair.

Once again I was assaulted with the view of his perfectly sculpted form and a smile so perfect that it made you feel like your heart was pumping electricity through your veins instead of blood. Or maybe that was just me.

I couldn't help but smile back over at him, he was surprisingly playful for someone who could be hours or minutes or seconds away from death.

"Come on! The water's pretty amazing." He called over.

"I don't think so Caius! There is no way I'm volunteering myself for _that_!"

"Noted." He started walking out of the water and I made sure to avert my eyes from his now skin-tight shorts

"What are you doing?" He had a wicked smile on as he approached me.

"Are you coming?"

"No!"

He reached down and tried to grab me. I managed to wriggle out of his grip at first but he was far too strong for me. He held me in his arms like he was carrying logs back in 7 and I couldn't get myself out.

"Caius, don't! No! Caius stop!" I was very unconvincing as I laughed through my protests.

"Are you going to come willingly?" We were only a few metres from the water.

"Okay, okay!" He put me down and I shook my head with mock annoyance.

He laughed and headed back into the water. I kicked off my shoes and turned myself away from him as I pulled my shirt up and over my head. I could feel my pulse quicken and for some reason I was growing increasingly nervous. I scrunched up my eyes as I loosened the zipper and undid the buttons on my pants and let them fall to the ground. It was almost too terrifying a feeling to turn around as I stood on the bank of the lake in nothing but my conservative bra and underwear.

I turned quickly and kept my eyes on the ground as I ran into the surprisingly tepid water and dove in to break the surface. The water was crisp and it felt refreshing on my fire-warmed skin. When I surfaced I tried my best to keep my eyes closed for as long as possible but I knew I would look stupid if I didn't open them.

I wiped the water from my face and looked around.

"That's more like it." He smiled over at me from a few metres away.

"Shut up." I flicked water at him and he sent a torrential wave back at me.

"Hey!" And so we started playing in the water.

It was so childish, but I had pretty much forgotten about everything else and I was focused on this moment with Caius. We splashed one another and he began to chase me through the water. He grabbed me by the waist and we laughed as I struggled to get out of his grip. He pulled me down and we fell into the water together. His hands never left my arms as we crashed through the warm water and began to rise back up. I couldn't help but smile as we stood up together. He rested his hands on my hips and I pressed the palms of my hands to his torso, almost like part of me wanted to push him away, but I couldn't.

We were both breathing heavily and I looked up into his eyes. "You can probably take that bandage off now."

He looked down at it and back into my eyes without saying a word. My hands shakily reached up and pulled the bandage back, revealing the newly sealed wound.

"Nice job." I looked back into his eyes and he stared into mine, searching them and drawing me in.

I had nothing to say, I couldn't form any words with my mouth and even if I could I wouldn't know what order to place them in or even what words I would use.

"What's this?" His hand reached up to touch the bullet necklace that was hanging low on my chest.

As his fingers gently caressed the gold casing they brushed against the skin on my chest and made my skin tingle and the hair on my neck and arms stand on end.

"It's a bullet."

"And you wear it around your neck?"

"I like it."

"It's a little dark, don't you think?" He was whispering.

"My mother thought so too, she thought it was too sinister for an eleven year old."

"Ironic really."

"I think so." His eyes dipped lower than my eyes but higher than the bullet so I broke our eye contact and headed out of the lake. "We only have a little bit of time before sunset; I want to make the most of the fire!" I called back to him as I headed to the campsite, collecting my belongings as I did so.

He said nothing and I took a seat by the fire to dry myself off. It seemed like such a long time before he joined me and I refused to look up at him. He took a seat by the fire and stretched himself out. He closed his eyes and sighed with content. I dressed myself as soon as I was half dry. I thought I saw Caius peeking over at me a few times but I avoided his eyes.

By the time the light was gone and the seal should have risen in the sky we finally realised that there hadn't been any cannons today. The sky remained black.

"I didn't even notice that there were no cannons." I said.

"I thought about it earlier but it sort of got pushed to the back of my mind."

"I wonder why." I said under my breath.

"What was that?" He gave me a knowing smile and tried to hold back his laughter.

"Oh shut up."

"Do you still want the first watch tonight?"

"Yeah, I like to wake up to the day nice and fresh."

"So I get the short stick?"

"I don't know, you tell _me_." I heard him mutter something under his breath like 'I'll show you' and I laughed. "I'll take your word for it, and then take two inches off that."

He roared with laughter.

We talked for a little longer, he told me about his mother and older brother. When it started to get cold we decided to take out the sleeping bag. Caius set it up against a tree again and climbed in.

"You coming?"

"You keep asking me to follow you, I'm coming, don't rush me." I smiled over at him.

I crawled over to him, my night glasses in one hand, and he pulled back the bag so that I could climb in with him. I wriggled down so that I was in a comfortable position and sighed.

"So make sure to keep your hands off me while I sleep." He sniggered to himself.

"I'm sorry Caius, I just don't think I'll be able to control myself around you, you're just too tempting." I said as sarcastically as I could.

"Really?" He grinned at me and I found that I had lost my words again.

I looked into his eyes, he exhaled heavily and what sounded like painfully. I was still staring at him with my mouth gaping when it happened. I wasn't expecting it and I didn't really know what to do with myself.

His hand reached up and cupped my face as he pulled me into him for a hard passionate kiss. He opened his mouth wide and I mirrored him, our tongues colliding with an unmatched need and desire. My hand pressed against his stomach like it had done back in the lake, this time was different. My fingers tightened around his shirt and pulled him closer. His other hand slid under my shirt and caressed my skin.

He was pulling me into his body and I heard myself let out a groan as we slid down to the floor. He rolled us over so that I was lying on top of him; his hands were holding me so tightly that I thought they may leave bruises.

His lips were so soft and full that I wanted to draw them into my mouth and graze them with my teeth. I did just that and he let out a deep and rumbling groan that set my body alight. He rolled us again so that he was pressing me into the ground, his kisses becoming even more desperate. My nails dug into his back and my fingers locked onto his hair as his kisses trailed from my lips to my neck, along my jawbone. I could hear his laboured breathing in my ear and I arched my back in response.

I could feel his longing and I was almost completely intoxicated by the moment but I had to pull my head back into the game. I pushed him and it took a moment for him to realise what I was doing.

"We should stop." I said through heavy breaths.

"Why?" He was panting too.

"It's not safe for us to be so distracted."

He agreed, not that he said anything. With no cannons today there were sure to be some tomorrow, and I didn't want to find myself tired or unfocused.

"You should sleep." We readjusted ourselves in the sleeping bag and this time he pulled me in close while he slept.

Before he drifted off he planted a gentle kiss on my lips and nuzzled into my neck, sending another round of shivers down my spine. This was something I didn't prepare for, and I don't know how I'm going to work around it.

I woke up in the morning to complete silence around us. When my watch had finished we had shared another moment of passion before I snuggled into Caius' side and fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. I almost didn't notice the silence because I was still too content in his arms. They were wrapped around me and my body was pressed against his.

I looked up at him and he dropped his head to kiss me. His lips gently parted and I slid my hand up over his chest until my fingertips were hidden in his hair. I almost felt like he was going to heat things up again like he did last night, but he pulled back and left a tender kiss on my temple.

"Morning." He murmured.

"Morning," I held him tighter for a moment before I tried to slip out of the sleeping bag.

"Where are you going?" He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back into him.

"To get some food, let go of me." I smiled.

He kissed me again, deeper and more purposefully than the last time and I almost let myself fall in.

"Stop that!" I gave him a small unconvincing push.

"Alright then, but just for now." He grinned.

I crawled over to my pack and pulled out some crackers for us to eat, as well as some of the berries that we had picked yesterday. As we ate I became increasingly aware of the silence around us.

"Caius, do you notice anything weird?"

"I know what you're thinking; there's no breeze, no birds, nothing. It's been the same since early this morning." His lips drew out into a thin line and his face became sullen. "I think there's only going to be another few days."

"There were no cannons yesterday."

"I guarantee that'll change today, something's coming."

"Why do you think yesterday was so quiet?"

"I don't know, probably a lot of interesting personal developments." He gave me a wicked smile and I laughed. "We should probably move on out of here soon though."

I wasn't about to disagree. We ate fast and gathered up the sleeping bag. The more we walked, the more anxious I became. Caius took my hand in his and I instantly thought back to that night before the games where Peeta comforted me on the roof. I wondered what he was thinking about right now.

We walked in a silence that echoed throughout the entire forest. When our feet crunched on the dry leaves we would move faster.

Caius was right; something is definitely coming.

By mid-morning I was squeezing Caius' hand so tightly that my fingers felt almost numb. My heart started racing when Caius stopped us.

"What?" I heard my voice crack.

"Do you hear that?"

I started listening intently and heard crackling. Please don't let that be another pack of mutts.

And then I saw the forest to my left glowing. "It's a fire…" I breathed.

"Run." Caius pulled my arm and we started running.

Almost as soon as we started the fire was at our heels. We dodged the trees and I took a quick glance over at Caius before a wall of flame invaded the space between us, nearly singeing my arm as we were forced to part our hands. I yelled out to him and only just caught his response.

"Just keep running!"

I didn't stop; I had no plans to stop.

The fire drew me far out and away from where I had last seen Caius. I almost couldn't believe how fast the fire was moving. There was almost no chance for me to extend my distance from it. As soon as the thought ran through my head I started to get away. Any relief I felt was short lived.

I heard explosions and saw the fireballs fly past me. One exploded to my left and I almost lost my footing. I managed to hold myself up as I ran but not for long.

Another fireball crashed right beside me, sending my flying forward and burning residue from the molten fireball landed on the left side of my stomach and the top of my leg. I screamed as it hit me and I knew that I was alight as I hit the ground. The left side of my body was burning. The searing heat was all I could think about and I rolled around on the floor to extinguish the flame.

It was unbearably painful. Even more so when I stood up and tried to run, the fire was still coming. Tears streamed down my face and I drew blood in my mouth as I dug my teeth into my lip.

And then I could see it. A creek up ahead. My gaze locked onto it and I was determined to outrun the inferno and get some relief for the burn. I ran as fast as I could. Sweat was just dripping off me and the heat was so extreme that I was wailing out loud.

Ten more steps…five…two…one…I plunged into the water.

It was probably about chest height but I submerged myself fully. The cold water provided only a small amount of relief to my burn and I held my breath for as long as I could. When I had no air left in my lungs I emerged with a painful breath. I coughed and spluttered and crawled to the edge of the creek where I emptied the contents of my stomach. I tried crawling up onto the bank but only made it a short way. I collapsed on my good side and rolled onto my back, my feet still in the water.

I didn't even feel like I had the strength to take off my pack. It took me all this time to notice that the fire was gone. The trees were only gently charred despite the intensity of the blaze and the massive wall of fire.

It made me angry; they were controlling it. How many others had felt the way I did as I ran? How many were too slow? How many just let themselves be engulfed?

I almost didn't want to look down to my left, I'm afraid of what I'll see. Even just trying to sit up is excruciating. I yelled out and just lay back. I started whimpering. There wasn't really any other choice for me now so I dragged myself up to the trees without rolling over. I bit down on my lip again and yelped as I finally hid myself in the bushes. I managed to prop myself up against a tree. I could see the clear line ahead of me where the fire had disappeared, about a metre from the creek bed.

I looked down and started weeping at the sight of my red blistering skin on my stomach and the top of my thigh. My eyes darted around and I saw a plant that might help, but it was about ten metres away. It was more like a marathon for me. I managed to slip off my pack and started dragging myself over to it. When I was about halfway there I heard the cannon fire.

"Caius?" I whispered.

I started coughing again, this time it was just to get some of the smoke out of my body. I would probably be worse off by now if I had breathed in too much of it.

I tried to call out again, "Caius!" More coughing ensued.

I ended up coughing until I felt a little better. It didn't help that I was crying at the same time; partly because of the pain, mostly because of the pain, but also because of the fact that I'm now all alone and in no state to protect myself.

I didn't stop crying even as I made it to the plant. It was hard to dig up the roots with my hands shaking so badly. When I finally got it I realised that I needed a knife so I dragged myself back to the plant.

I sliced the root into thin slivers and lay them on the burns. Even the light pressure felt incredibly heavy on my raw skin. The worst part was that it only lightly dulled the pain. That wasn't good, it meant that the burn was pretty bad, and I was going to need some proper Capitol medicine to nullify the pain completely.

Another cannon fired.

"Caius?" I barely realised that I was saying anything at all; all I could focus on was the pain.

I started to feel delirious. I pulled my water out of my pack and took a long drink. My throat was a little rough but I knew that water was going to do me good. I even found some of my plant root, my 'antidote', and tried to eat some. It was painful to swallow but I managed to get it down, _for how long_?

The root that I had placed over my burn had stopped working and the pain was now flooding back.

I peeled the strips off and threw them to the side. I'm sure there was a part of my skin taken with each piece. I needed some Capitol medicine, badly.

"Peeta…" I wept. "…I need you." I whispered the last part before I started to cry heavily.

This time no tears came out, I was sweating instead. My hands were clammy and the only warm part of my body was the left side where the flames had licked my flesh.

I'm sure that I was going pale. I thought that I must have been whispering Peeta's name over and over because I could feel it on my lips. I remember how he helped me to my room that night; how he made sure I was alright before he left me. I wish he was here now, to press a cold rag to my forehead and hand me some medicine. I wish he could hold my hand and reassure me, it's taken me this long in the game to realise that death is actually breathing down my neck and stroking my side, his fingers scalding my once supple skin.

The world around me was wobbly, shaking and duplicated. I took another drink from my bottle; it spilt over my chin and soaked even further into my shirt. And then I heard a sound coming from above me. It wasn't natural, my first thought was that it could be a mutt, but when I saw the silver parachute I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you." I sobbed.

It landed about a metre away from me. I pushed myself over slightly and reached out to pull the parachute towards me. I was scared for a moment when my hands were to sweaty to open it but finally I managed to do so. There was a tub of what I assume was ointment and a large white pill labelled 'antitoxin'. I popped it out of its wrapper and opened my water bottle. It was a pain to swallow, it was huge. It stuck in my already coarse throat and I almost finished all of my water just to lose that feeling that it was lodging itself in there.

I opened the tub of ointment and I could smell the chemicals, they cleared out my sinuses. I put two fingers into the cool ointment and scooped out a good lot of it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I gently wiped it over my burn. I felt instant relief as it touched me, it felt like ice was being pressed directly onto my skin and it began to numb the burn. I made sure to cover the entire thing and then put some more on the burn on my leg.

I was still useless against any kind of attack, but maybe Peeta wouldn't have sent me anything and wasted people's money if he had seen that someone willing to kill me was on a path in my direction.

I watched the sun move through the trees and after what I imagine was at least an hour and a half my stomach was feeling much better, on the inside. On the outside I felt a little tender; I would need to put more ointment on soon. I looked down and saw that the skin had become tough, hard. It was still flexible enough that I should be able to move as normal. It just looked like I had a patch of leather on my side.

I reached down and gently touched it with my hand and pulled it away at the alien feel of my skin. It felt smooth and strange, like the skin has melted and been frozen again. Think of the way ice-cream is so wonderful and textures, but it you melt it and freeze it again it loses it all, that's what it made me think of. It was a strange thing to think of about myself I know, but what does it matter.

I must have been sitting there for another hour or so, semi-delirious. The medicine must have properly kicked in by now because I started thinking more clearly. I put on another layer of ointment and this time when I moved I wasn't in excruciating pain. I was a little stiff and achy but I could move without crying.

I filled up my bottle from the creek and treated it. I ate the last of the plant root from my bag and packed everything back in. I slung it over my shoulder and headed west.

My mind ran in circles as I thought about the two cannons that fired earlier. What if one of those was Caius? I didn't want to think about it. Hopefully it was Cress and Blaze, which would just eliminate the two main threats. What if it was Haymitch?

It must be about two-thirty by now, how would I survive the night without warmth? Would I have to walk the whole time? A fire seems unlikely, and not at all tempting. Even the thought of fire made my stomach churn.

A sound pierced through the air and I whipped around, it was coming from far away in the forest behind me. It was a high-pitched scream. Another one rang out from the left of me and I started to panic.

I started moving faster and breathing heavily as I tried to get away from whatever was causing the tributes to yell like they were. The screams were ceaseless, they just wouldn't stop.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw mist starting to advance on me; it was coming from the direction of the screams and reaching out for me like ghostly tendrils trying to inch their way into my body. I quickened my pace and began to panic. I stopped and turn to see it eerily creeping towards me. I even felt as it was drawn into my nose in an unsuspecting breath.

For a moment I felt nothing, I almost let myself relax. And then it hit me. A lump rose in my throat and I fell to my knees, my eyes clouded over and all I could see was black.

Then there was the forest, I could see myself standing there with a hard look on my face before I let out a snarl, almost as though I wasn't completely human. Then there was Caius, he ran up to me and pulled me into his arms but I threw him off me and he went flying into the dirt. I leapt at him and clawed at his face, being somehow strong enough to overpower him. I could almost feel it, the feel of his skin getting caught beneath my fingernails and the heat from his body underneath mine.

I reached around for my dagger and plunged it into his chest, sending his blood flying out and spatters of it landing on my face, I could feel the drops running down my cheeks. I stabbed him again and again, I sliced open his stomach and throat. His blood was pooling in the grass and covered most of my body.

Deep in my throat I could feel the scream, but I couldn't hear it. All I could hear was the sound of my blade colliding with Caius and his now few yelps of pain. As his body ceased writhing I lifted my blood-soaked hand up to my face and ran my tongue over my wrist and palm, the metallic nature of Caius' blood now engulfing my senses.

Movement in the bushes behind me caused me to turn around; there was Peeta, his mouth gaping at the sight before him and his doe eyes looking at me with such ardour. I leapt at him with my blade and lodged it in the side of his neck. His already pale face growing paler and paler as his blood poured out and as he hit the ground I removed the knife to place my mouth over the cavernous hole in his neck and guzzle down his blood.

Blood was everything, I could smell it, taste it, feel it in the grass beneath my hands and in thick streams running down my body.

I knew I was screaming but I still couldn't hear it. I was still overwhelmed by blood when I felt myself being lifted, how, I don't know but I was lighter than before and felt a pressure around my body.

That was the last thing I remember before the gory scene in front of my eyes went black and I fell into oblivion.

My senses were groggy, I could hear something from somewhere around me, specifics weren't exactly going well.

"…" there was that voice again.

It took a few times before I realised that it was my name they were calling.

"Olivia!"

My vision blurred back into colour and I soon realised that I was lying on the forest floor. I sat up and blinked a few times. When the trees became more than just brown and green blobs I saw him standing against one of them.

"Haymitch?" He gave me a small nod. "You're not dead?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean? Wait… am I dead?"

"No, you're alive, just not conscious." He walked over to me and put his hand behind my head and picked up my hand. "Now come back."

I looked into his eyes and he nodded to me. I felt my eyes get heavy again and blinked a few times before everything went black once more. I heard the voice again and when I opened my eyes the blur was back.

"Olivia!"

I blinked harder to try and clear my vision.

"Olivia, wake up!"

Slowly, I began to make out the form of Caius, holding me in the same way that Haymitch had been in my unconscious dream.

I saw him breathe a sigh of relief and as I tried to sit up he pulled me into him.

"I didn't know if you were coming back." He whispered into my neck.

"What was that stuff?" I said meekly.

He pulled away and let me sit up. He propped me against a tree and sat by my side.

"Some kind of mist, I heard you screaming for me and… well I heard you screaming and when I saw the mist, well I thought it was going to end far differently. Why were you screaming anyway?"

I didn't even have to look back, the images just came to me and I shuddered. "I don't want to talk about the visions."

"You had visions? What visions?"

"I'm not talking about it Caius, I can hardly stand to think about it." I screwed up my eyes but the images were burned into my brain.

"Sorry," his eyes dropped and came to rest on the burnt skin on my stomach. "What happened?"

I pulled my pack off my shoulders, a little stiffly, and started rummaging for the ointment. "I got burnt Caius, what does it look like?"

He looked away from my eyes and I know that I'm being unfair to him, but I need to focus on something because those images are threatening to rise again.

"It looks pretty bad, doesn't it hurt?"

"I have this." I held up the medicine and unscrewed the lid.

"You must have some pretty wealthy sponsors."

"And a pretty good mentor." He looked away from my eyes again and I started to rub some more ointment on my burns.

"Do you want me to do that?"

"Caius, thanks, but I can do it."

"I just want to help you; you screamed all the way here and didn't stop until you passed out. I was… I was just waiting for the cannon to be honest."

I leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For braving the mist, not knowing what it would do to you, to save me."

"I'll do it again if I have to."

"How did it not affect you?"

"I held my breath."

"For how long? You couldn't possibly make it all this way." I'm not sure how far away we were but we must have been pretty far, considering the lack of mist around us.

"Did you watch my games at all?" I thought back to five years ago, oh.

They had started on sea platforms, Caius dived in after the cannon to start and the waves had started. Six died in the water, Caius was trapped underwater for five minutes before he managed to crawl onto land. Most of the other tributes were either still on their platforms because they couldn't swim, flailing in the water, or already off into the trees. That made Caius famous, surviving underwater for so long, that's when he really became one of the contenders.

"Neat trick." I smiled gently.

"We should probably move on, are you alright to walk?"

"I'm not- yes I'm fine, just help me up." I almost snapped again but I caught myself in time.

He stood up and reached down for me to take his hand. He did the same thing that he had the first time we ever spoke; he pulled me up easily and held me tight against him, only this time, he kissed me. He pressed his lips hard against mine and I felt his arms tense around me.

He pulled back but kept me locked to him. He looked into my eyes with a fierceness that said more than his words did.

"You scared me." What he really meant was 'I can't lose you again'.

"I scared myself." That probably had a hidden meaning too.

He left a small peck on my lips, then another. I let him kiss me until he was ready to let go, in all honesty, I don't think_ I _was ready for him to let me go.

We started walking, my whole body was stiff and my left side was tingling where the burns were healing. I must have been pulling a few faces because Caius put his arm around me and before I knew it he had swept me off the ground. I tried to protest but he kept his mouth shut and tightened his grip. After we, well he, walked like that for about half an hour I managed to convince him to put me down.

It wasn't too long before we came to another clearing in the trees, only this time there wasn't a meadow and a lake. This time there was a large crumbling structure made from brick and a small creek trickling behind it.

"What is that?" Caius asked.

"They're ruins." I said quietly.

It looked like half of a building, without a roof, and it reached probably fifteen feet into the air. Because of the rubble, there were a number of different levels and even a few patches that would probably conceal a person, or two.

"You think they're real?" He looked over at me but I just stared at the structure.

"No, there's not enough crumbling on the sides or deterioration along the ridge of-"

"You know you're probably going to start spouting out a bunch of things that I don't understand again." He smiled and walked over to the creek to wash his hands and face.

"Right, I should really know my audience huh?"

"We should rest here, you're probably tired."

"Excuse you? I'm fine."

"Either way I think we should-"

He was cut off to the sound of a cannon firing. We both spun around and our eyes darted in all directions as we searched the forest around us.

"It sounded close." He said as he came to stand by my side.

"There's no way to be sure."

"Yeah well just in case I say we keep quiet and it's probably better not to light a fire."

We sat together by one of the walls of the ruins and Caius pulled out the rest of the meat from the other night and we shared it out between us. The sun started to drop in the sky as we approached the late afternoon; it felt like the day had been much longer. Caius spent the time trying to teach me about what his mother does back in 7.

She's a teacher at the local school, she teaches weaving and sewing and a number of other activities for home living.

"You know your mother and mine would probably have gotten along pretty well." I smiled.

"You think?"

"Well you said she did a lot of home remedy stuff, and cooking, they'd probably have a lot to talk about." He pulled me in closer and kissed my cheek.

He brushed my cheek with his thumb and leant in to kiss me; before he did we heard a crunch in the forest ahead of us. Caius jumped to his feet and I was quick to follow.

"It could have been-"

He put up a hand to silence me. "Stay here, take your knife out, I'm going to check it out." He whispered.

"Caius I-"

"Don't argue with me just stay here." He looked into my eyes before he took out a knife from his pack and ran to the edge of the trees.

I quickly dashed back to the pack and pulled out my dagger. My eyes darted frantically; looking for something that I wasn't even sure was there. For all I know I could be searching for a ghost. I have no idea what I would do if I heard a cannon.

I heard something behind me and I froze. I took a shaky breath I spun around waving my knife and literally didn't know what hit me.

Something came swinging and hit me in the side of the face, knocking me to the floor. When I turned to see what it was I caught the black, hungry eyes of Cress bearing down on me. The knife had fallen out of my hand when he had punched me in the face and I tried to reach it but Cress pinned me down.

"Ca-" I started to call for Caius but Cress forced his hand over my mouth and pushed my head further into the grass.

"Oh no, lover boy can't save you now." He grinned as I struggled against his weight and tried to force his arms off me.

All that escaped from me was muffled screams and grunts.

"I thought it was pretty clever, sending him away while I came in to finish you off, then when he comes back I'll sort him out. You're just more… more fun." He was so strong that all it took to hold me down was the weight of his body against my hips and the force of his hand over my mouth. With the other hand he touched my neck and ran it down my body until he found my burn. "Ooh, I see you got caught in the fire too, Blaze and I got separated, too bad too, she was such good company. I guess you'll do." He sneered and pushed his hips into mine.

I tried harder to push him away and felt the tears stream down my face.

"Don't cry sweetheart, I'd say that it would be over in a minute but that'd be a lie." He laughed to himself as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

His hand slid up and into my shirt, his snake eyes wouldn't leave mine and I wished I was anywhere but here. If there was a cannon now, it would be mine. I closed my eyes so that I didn't have to look into his anymore.

"What am I not good enough for you huh? Open your damn eyes!" He pulled my eyelids up and stared down at me enraged. "You know what; this'll be just as easy when you're dead."

His spare hand reached for my throat and before I even realised it he was blocking my airway, strangling me. This time he used both hands but I couldn't say anything. I can't even describe the feeling of having no way to access the air that you know is all around you. I felt like I had something large and constricting lodged in my throat and I tried again to call out to Caius but I started to feel groggy and my fingers and toes felt like they didn't belong to me.

Everything was pressing down on me and all of a sudden I heard a roar and the pressure was gone. I spluttered and coughed and sucked in all the air I could get. I almost didn't notice Caius standing over my hunched form. I threw up my food again and caught a glimpse of Cress lying a few feet away from us.

"Is he…"

"No, knocked out. I need you to get the packs and run, okay? Get out of here now."

"What are you talking about?"

"Run, go, he's stirring, I'll fight him off you get out of here!"

"You can't do that he's too strong!"

"I'll do whatever I need to for you, even if that means I'll never see you again." That one caught me off guard.

"What did you say?"

"I'll die for you if I have to Olivia." He reached up to touch my face again and after a second he was wrenched away by Cress.

They wrestled one another on the floor before throwing punches and throwing each other around. I launched myself at Cress but he backhanded my face and sent me flying into the ground.

"Olivia… GO!" Caius yelled as he took another blow to the jaw.

What the hell was he asking of me? And what was he even thinking? He couldn't possibly be suggesting that he would hold off his death long enough for me to escape, no, he couldn't.

"Olivia now!" Cress slammed him into the ground and climbed over him like he had done me.

"You can't save her, and when I'm done with you I'm going to deal with her." Cress spat.

"Don't you touch her!"

"I can touch her however I like."

"Eat shit!" Caius head-butted Cress who elbowed him in the ribs.

"Speaking of eating shit, am I going to have to watch her eating something of yours in the replays? Because that'd be a little awkward." He sneered and the two started to wrestle again, but Cress was too strong for even Caius.

He pinned Caius to the ground and slammed his fist into his face.

"You better hope your little whore is gone, because you're about to disappear you pathetic little-" He was cut short when the dagger entered his back.

"This is for the man whose neck you snapped… This is for the woman you guttered…" I twisted the dagger and he groaned, "And this is for all the other people that you took pleasure in killing." I forced the dagger up and into his chest cavity, piercing his diaphragm, heart and lungs.

His warm blood trickled down my arm and I felt his body go limp. "Move him!" I yelled and Caius lifted him so that I wouldn't drop his body on top of him.

When he was out of the way I pulled the dagger out of him and he fell to the ground, his black eyes even colder than before, a shudder ran through my body. I looked down at my hand and saw the blood starting to dry as I heard the cannon fire.

"We need to move while they pick him up." I said flatly as I wiped the blood off the dagger and started to clean the blood off my arms.

I didn't look back, not at Cress and not at Caius as I walked around to the other side of the ruins. I saw the hover craft approaching and sat down as I waited for Caius to join me.

Everything was running through my mind, what Caius said, what Cress was going to do to me, and what I did to him.

"Are you okay?" Caius was looking over at me tenderly and I shot him a glare that said 'are you kidding me?'.

"What the hell was that crap you pulled?"

"What do you mean?" He looked genuinely unsure of what it was I was referring to.

"What were you trying to do? _Die_? Why would you do that?"

"I told you before that I don't want to lose you."

"So does that mean sacrificing yourself so that I can run? Even though he would be after me again after finishing you off?" I looked at him angrily.

"At least you'd have a chance to plan, and it means doing whatever it takes to get you to the end of this thing."

"What about your life?"

"It's over no matter what happens here. If it comes down to the two of us at the end I'll be dead before you even realise what I've done."

"You can't do that!"

"And why not?!"

I didn't know what to say to that, this wasn't how it was supposed to go. "You think I want to see Cress or someone like him beat you senseless and slice you open? I can't know that you died like that."

"If I had it my way I wouldn't die at all, or at least it would be quick and painless, but I can tell you right now that I wouldn't be able to handle it if that happened to you."

"You might go on to win if you see something like that."

"Why did you even volunteer if you're so blasé about dying?"

"Why did you?" I looked into his stunning green eyes and saw something in them that I've only heard about; I wonder if his eyes were a mirror of mine.

His eye was swelling slightly and purple bruises were forming on his face. His fingers were covered in blood, probably Cress', and his knuckles looked a little swollen too. He pulled me into him and held me tight. To be honest it was slightly painful and it must have been for him too but he didn't let go. And then he whispered to me, so quietly that I barely heard him. I assume that the cameras couldn't hear him either.

"You may think that I am a man who gets around and feels it all for every girl who looks his way but that's not true. I have never felt anything this real in my life and I have definitely never felt anything like this." He pulled back again and looked into my eyes. "I can't lose you; I just can't, so you're going to have to lose me, because I'll never make it without you."

I leant in and kissed him lightly, and even though his lips must be bruised, cut and sore, he pushed his lips into mine and kissed me with so much fervour that it knocked all the thoughts out of my mind. That was probably a good thing.

This couldn't end well and Cress has made me see that I've been distracted. This wasn't supposed to happen. I've lost sight of my goal and now there are only six of us left. I have to get back on track, but for now, I'll just enjoy the taste of Caius' lips on mine.

I used the creek to clean up once the hover craft had picked up Cress' lifeless body. I washed his blood from my arms but I could still feel it sinking into my clothes and buried under my fingernails. I still had some gauze left so I used it to clean the blood off Caius' face and hands. Neither of us said anything, I tried to avoid his eyes but he just stared into mine. After a while I couldn't stand it.

"Would you quit staring at me? It's really annoying." He just laughed.

"Why is that annoying?"

"Because… you can't just decide that you're going to die for someone without telling them."

"Apparently I can. Look, I don't care what you say, but I'm putting you first. I made it through these games once, there's no way I can do it again, I doubt if any of us can survive this twice. The only one you'll really have to compete with is-"

"Blaze."

"Yeah."

"I don't want you to hurt yourself for me."

"Too bad, I'll do what I have to for you." He reached out for my hand.

"You're crazy."

"And you'll never change my mind."

This was definitely too far gone, I can't believe I let it get to this.

"Maybe we should set up camp, I could look for more berries or-"

"You're not going anywhere, Blaze could be close." He grabbed my arm, almost scared that I would leave his sight.

"She's not; they got separated in the fire, just like us. I think I heard her screaming before the mist got me." I said.

"You never know."

"Fine, then we'll just sit here without eating." I folded my arms and he sat by the ruins, offering his arms for me to snuggle into.

I know I should just sit beside him but I nuzzled into his side all the same. We sat there until the sun started going down, not eating, not sleeping; not really talking either. When the light was gone we watched the seal rise.

First was Thea from District 1, then Cress, then Rover from 3, Kara from 4 was next and the last face was Dana from the same District as Caius. I felt him sigh and look away from the seal.

"I'm sorry," I rested my head on his shoulder, not knowing what else I can do.

"Yeah, me too. You can only go so far." He sighed again.

I was the first on the watch again and we didn't say much as we climbed into the sleeping bag. Before he tried to get some sleep Caius put his hand on the side of my face and thrummed my eyelashes with his thumb.

"I don't think I'll be able to keep watch very well tonight, I won't be able to stop looking at you." He whispered.

"Go to sleep, I'm still here." He pulled me in for a tender kiss before resting his head on my shoulder and closing his eyes. It was going to be a long night.

I woke up in the morning to a warm day, the trees waving gently in the breeze. Three birds sang as they flew up and out of the tree tops. Caius kissed my forehead and I smiled awkwardly.

"Good morning."

"Welcome to the last day on Earth."

"You're terribly morbid." His mouth curled into a half smile.

"Look at where we are."

As we packed up all of our belongings my lipstick tube fell out of the bag and onto the grass. I picked it up and rolled it in my fingers, reading over the letters _AA_ again. I opened the lid and twisted the tube.

"Lipstick? Really?" Caius raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yes, it's my token." Yes, it was, wasn't it?

"I think we should figure out where the cornucopia is and head back that way; I figure we'll probably be herded that way anyway. You've got the best chance if we're heading back of our own accord." My fist closed over the lipstick and I sighed.

I opened the cap again and smeared it over my lips.

"Cute colour."

"I figure I should look good if you're going to sacrifice yourself for me." I said bitterly as I shoved the lipstick into my pocket

"Don't be angry about that. You're better equipped to survive."

"You say that even though I'm the one who's burnt, I'm the one with bruised neck and the nightmares." I know he noticed it.

Last night all the images from the mist-induced visions flooded back in my sleep. I touched the side of my face and felt the scratches that I had made when Caius woke me up. I must have been trying to scratch my eyes out. After that he had held my wrists until I fell back to sleep. I don't think the nightmares stopped.

"Yeah, but I know how to survive in here. Out there, I might as well be back in the lake of my games, basically drowning."

"I just don't want you to get hurt, let alone because of me." I looked away from him, guilt plastered all over my face.

"Hey, I'd rather die for something I believe in than something that I don't." he put his hand on my arm and gave a small smile.

"What do you believe in?"

"You, or at least what you proved to me."

"Which is?" I turned so that we were facing each other and looked up into his eyes.

"That there's something that exists that I thought was make-believe. You're different, better, than all of them, I know it." I felt tears threaten to well up in my eyes.

"I won't let you hurt yourself for me Caius. I won't."

"You don't have a choice."

"Yes I do." As the tears spilled from my eyes I pulled him into me for a hard passionate kiss.

I sucked in his lip and slipped my tongue between his teeth and he did the same. We were locked in embrace for what seemed like such a short time before he pulled back and looked around confusedly.

He blinked rapidly and tried to breathe in faster.

"Olivia…" He fell to his knees and I crouched down beside him.

I took his head in my hands and he looked up at me fearfully. I shushed him and stroked his hair as he got weaker.

"It's okay Caius, everything's okay." The tears rolled down my face.

He reached up to touch my face as he lay back with his head in my lap. I held his hand to my face and let out a sob.

"I'm sorry… I couldn't let you…" I sobbed again and he looked like he didn't even know what I was saying.

I leant down and kissed him on the lips, and then his hand went limp in mine. I couldn't help it, I burst out into tears.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" I wept over his body and almost forgot about everything else.

The cannon fired and I cried out loud. "No…no I'm sorry… Caius please… I'm so sorry… I didn't want to hurt you… I didn't want you to get hurt… don't leave me!" I cried over him and rested my head on his chest as my shaking form crumpled and the salty tears poured like a waterfall.

When I gathered myself a little I kissed him on the forehead and wiped my eyes. I closed his eyes with my fingers and sobbed gently as I put everything I needed from my pack into his and left mine by his side.

I walked away from the clearing and turned just in time to see him being lifted up into the hover craft. I had to do it. He couldn't kill himself for me. Poison seemed to be the only way to save him from that death.

He would hate to know that I'd done that to him, but I couldn't let him die like that.

Now I need to find the cornucopia and finish this thing. I owe myself, and Caius, that much.

I didn't walk very far, the day was probably going to feel like forever on my own. I only went about one hundred metres before I sat down against a tree. I felt emotionally drained. One minute he was here, the next, he was gone. Now I'm all alone and still attached to the thought of having Caius by my side. But I'll never see him again, no matter what happens.

I thought about his mother back in 7, how she must be feeling knowing that me, the only person outside his friends, family and District that he ever trusted practically betrayed him. But I didn't! I saved him from a much worse fate, in time they'll see. It wasn't just selfish, was it?

I don't need to win to finish this, or maybe I do. Maybe I'm just like them.

After a while of these thoughts running through my head I realised that I was crying and I spent a long while after just trying to stop.

I realised that it was probably too dangerous sitting out here in the open just crying so I headed back to the ruins so that I could hide myself. I know I was being too loud and thunderous with my footsteps but when I left the shroud of trees and saw the ruins in front of me I heard something much louder.

I took out my knife and held it in front of me, looking side to side almost frantically. I saw a pair of feet poking out from the hidey-hole in the ruins and recognised the sound as snoring. I walked slowly around the corner and nearly smiled to myself when I saw Haymitch lying there, knife in hand, snoring in the middle of the arena.

I tried to hold back a laugh and snorted a little, but he was sleeping far too deeply to hear. I took a few steps back from him before I tried to rouse him; he _was_ wielding a knife after all. I grabbed a piece of brick that had crumbled from the walls and gently tossed it at his shoulder.

The minute it made contact his eyes shot open and the knife was flailing around madly, his eyes just as wild.

"Hey, hey, hey!" I put my hands up as if to say that I mean him no harm. "I'm just telling you that I can hear you snoring from the other side of the clearing, and I wasn't even listening for it."

"Oh it's you, where's lover boy?" he grumbled.

My face dropped and I averted my gaze.

"Ah, I see, gone from this place is he?"

"How did you know I was teamed up with him?"

"I've seen you two up and about, and down and well, not doing _too_ much." He sniggered a little.

"You've just been avoiding people and sneaking around haven't you?"

"As a matter of fact I have, except for that little bastard from 1."

"What happened there?" I sat down opposite him against the ruins.

"Well I headed into the forest after the cannon and waited for them to leave the cornucopia so I could get some supplies, naturally the ones from 1, 2 and 4 all grouped up. I figured it was better to stay around them-"

"Why the hell would you do that?" I butted in and he narrowed his eyes.

"Would you like to tell the story?"

"No."

"Good, as I was saying, I found a decent pack and headed in their direction, they set a camp not far from the cornucopia but Jasper and Richter wanted to go hunting right away. I was perched up in the trees, listening to everything. Jasper is the guy from 1, Richter's from 4. Anyway, I followed them for a bit, they argued like nothing else. Jasper took a nice punch to the snout and Richter headed off in another direction."

"Yeah, he found Caius and me on the third day."

"Oh so it was you two who got rid of him eh?"

"Caius, I'm not sure what happened. Tell me about Jasper."

"Well I figured I'd make my own way, try to find some water, maybe some food, and I realised that the bugger was tracking me. He was vicious as all hell but dimmer than the night when there's no moon." I smiled a little. "Anyway, I headed into the trees for the night, tied myself down with some rope in my sleeping bag. I managed to avoid him for a while but around midday he came at me from behind, gave me this…" He turned to show me a scabbing slash on his back through a slashed shirt. "That wasn't so much fun. But I ended up out witting him and lost a dagger in his neck."

"Well, at least he deserved it. Is he the only one?"

"Only one what? Only one I killed?" I nodded. "Yeah. What about you, I can't imagine you doing too much damage."

"I take offence to that."

"I thought you might. So uh, how did lover boy- sorry, Caius, meet his end?"

I looked away again.

"Oh, I see, what did he do, ogle another tribute?" He chuckled to himself.

"He said he'd die for me." That stopped his laughter.

"He did what?" He looked at me curiously.

"He said he'd take a metaphorical bullet for me, or a knife. He tried to get me to run while he wrestled with Cress."

"So it was lover boy who killed Cress."

"No, I did." More curious looks, "Caius kept telling me to run, but I knew he would come after me anyway, so I… took care of it."

"You know death is such a depressing subject."

"I know, have you been sent anything from sponsors?" I changed the subject, not really wanting to talk about all of that stuff anyway.

"A damn loaf of bread and some of that maple crap you made, why'd you have to butt in?"

"Peeta was worried."

"Yeah well I'll bet he's out there laughing, bread and tonic…" he shook his head as he muttered.

"At least you know he cares."

"What good does that do me out here?"

"Probably not much, but shouldn't it be a comfort that there's at least one person on your side?"

"He'd be on everyone's side if he could, hell, he even asked me to team up with you if I got the chance. Bet he didn't know that you go around hacking up men." I swallowed hard and turned away. "Okay, I take that one back, Cress was a nasty piece of work." I wasn't thinking about Cress, I was reliving the visions from the fog.

It was almost like I was still getting them, they were always the same but somehow different. Slicing the flesh of Peeta's bones and ripping it apart with my teeth was not something I wanted to think about.

"Yeah, he was." We sat in silence after that, almost as though it was awkward. "You can take a nap if you like; you must be tired if you were napping over here with your feet sticking out."

"Yes I was tired, and I did not know that my feet were visible. Probably just because you knew where to look." Half true. "Now why should I get some shut eye while you're sitting right there, I can't be sure that you won't cut my throat in my sleep."

"If I was going to kill you I wouldn't be pathetic enough to do it while you slept, and Peeta said the same thing to me. So I figure you can nap now, and I'll take watch, then tonight you can do first watch and I'll do second."

"That's if there is a tonight."

"Let's just speak theoretically."

He looked at me warily but sighed; a weary look plastered on his face. "Fine, don't go rummaging through my pack either."

"Only if you don't rummage through mine."

"Then we have an accord."

"It appears that we do."

I felt so alone while he slept. I know he was right there but somehow I felt like I was swimming in silence. I was waiting for something to happen, maybe another fire, or more mutts. I woke him up around mid-afternoon, making sure I was back far enough to avoid his swinging knife.

"Do you have to do that every time?" I asked.

"It's a reflex." He groaned and sat up stiffly.

"And how long has that been going on?"

"Almost twenty-three years." I sucked the air in.

"Twenty-three you say?"

He looked at me, exasperated. "Did I stutter?"

"I guess not."

"What the hell are you doing here anyway?" He sat back and looked at me the way those doctors in the Capitol do when they pretend to psychoanalyse you.

"What do you mean?"

"You never had any chance of getting chosen as tribute, but you volunteer anyway. Are you crazy or something?" Now he was starting to sound like the doctors.

"Just trying to find something that I thought was missing."

"You find it yet?"

"I'm pretty close." I gave a small smile.

"Well let me tell you something sweetheart, it's much easier to find something that you think is missing than to lose something you thought you'd found." He stretched out and sighed.

I tilted my head to the side and sighed lightly. We sat in silence until I finally spoke up.

"Got any bread left?" I raised my eyebrows and when he narrowed his eyes at me I smiled charmingly.

"Yeah a little bit. What do you have?"

"A few berries, you want some?"

"Yeah you can have some bread." He rummaged through his pack and pulled out about a quarter of a loaf of bread and a bottle of that tonic I made. "The only positive thing about this crap is that there's at least a little bit of liquor in here." He tore the bread in half and tossed some to me.

"Thanks." I took a bite and realised that I was starving.

"I've been trying to eat little bits, eat too much and when you can't get any food for a few days and you find a little bit, you get so hungry it's dangerous." He said, taking a giant bite from his share of bread.

"Tell me about it. I feel like someone's trying to escape from inside me the way my stomach is churning."

"Maybe you'll find food tomorrow."

"Me or we?"

"Oh no, I don't think so. I'll let you keep watch while I sleep but after that you head one way and I'll head the other."

"Oh come on."

"Tomorrow is probably going to be the last day; there is no room in the games anymore for allies." He said gruffly.

"What about what Peeta said?"

"Don't try and guilt me by bringing him into this, I've done enough for him."

"What do you mean?" I looked at him thoughtfully.

"I think more people volunteered for these games than any others. Have a guess why."

He cares about him. That's why he's here. He expected to die to give Peeta his life.

"The sun's going down." I said.

Neither of us said anything of real importance after that. Caius appeared in the sky and I turned away before the picture faded to take out my sleeping bag. Only it isn't mine, is it? I climbed in and turned away from Haymitch, from everything and fell asleep, waiting for my turn to watch and praying that I don't dream.

Haymitch woke me up at midnight and we traded for the watch. It sprinkled with rain a little and I inched closer to the walls to avoid the drops. A few times my concentration lapsed and I found myself staring at Haymitch or the wall, or anything else that just happened to be in my line of vision. My face felt a little tender, I assume I have scratches again, the dreams didn't go away.

As the sunlight started to stream through the trees I heard a bird song and looked up. "Mockingjay?" I whispered in surprise.

You don't see many of them anymore; the Capitol tries to hide the evidence of them. They were a mistake, never meant to exist and so they stand as a sign that the rebellion could still be alive, at least that's what I assume they're scared of. I have only ever seen a few, before they were shot out of the sky.

That's the order in the Capitol; mockingjays are shoot on site birds. But they are so amazingly wonderful singers. They don't sing for me, though I've never really tried, like I said, I have only ever seen a few.

They're probably so angry that one even found its way into the arena, it made me smile. I saw something shiny fall through the trees, a parachute. It landed about two metres away from me and I just sort of stared at it for a moment.

I felt something land on my hand and I looked down to see that a tear had fallen. I inhaled sharply and let out a sob.

"I'm so close… I'm so close…" I whispered through the tears. "I have to finish this, I have to do it!" More sobs.

I opened the sliver container to find that it was full of creamy chicken soup.

This was the only chance.

"I have to do it… please understand… I'm sorry." I cried some more as I reached into a pocket and took out my lipstick.

I smeared some on my lips before breaking off the tip and putting it into the soup and dissolving it with help from the spoon. I had to keep up the façade so I reached into my bag and pulled out the last of the plant root and took a large bite. Swallowing was hard because I was still sobbing. When I finally finished it and calmed down I threw a small piece of rubble at Haymitch.

He flashed his blade around and blinked rapidly before he sighed and lay back.

"We have breakfast." I said.

He sat up and looked down at the silver bowl of steaming soup ravishingly.

"There are two spoons." I smiled faintly.

"What kind is it?" He looked like he wanted to dig in right away but he wasn't going to do it.

"Chicken."

"Fancy."

"Just eat, you look starving." I said as I took a spoonful of soup and held it under my nose and breathed in deeply before opening my mouth and taking it in.

It was amazing, warm and creamy and it made my whole body sigh.

"How is it?" He asked.

"You better eat some soon or there won't be any left." I said as I took another spoonful with a big chunk of chicken on it.

He was quick to react. He downed about three spoonfuls in a second. We basically scoffed the soup and I didn't stop spooning it into my mouth until I saw Haymitch slow down.

I looked over at him and he was blinking quickly and looking down with a confused look on his face. I was staring now, probably looking slightly guilty.

I was definitely looking guilty because Haymitch dropped his spoon and looked up at me with spite in his eyes. "What did you do?"

"I had to." I choked the words and his body dropped, he was lying on his back and breathing heavily.

I leaned over him and put a hand on his chest. He tried to curse me but his words slurred.

"Everything will be fine." I said as a tear fell down onto his jacket and his final breath left his body.

The cannon sounded.

I packed my sleeping bag quickly and kissed Haymitch's forehead, a golden smear was left by my lips. It was the last day, it all ended today. This was it.

I headed in the direction that I thought the cornucopia was in, I knew that I'd be herded back there if I was going in the wrong direction. About midmorning I heard another cannon, I don't know who it was, all I know is that there are only three of us left.

It was an hour later that I felt a breeze blowing from my right. It got stronger and stronger and when I heard a chilling howling sound I ran with it. I almost thought that I was going to fall, it was propelling me so quickly and I had to dodge the trees and shrubs and all sorts of other things. Then he came out of nowhere, and I collided with him. We both flinched at one another when we picked ourselves off the floor.

"Hey you're that girl from the Capitol!" He pointed at me and I could see cuts on his face and his clothes were ripped.

I recognised his face; he was Haymitch's friend from training, Michel.

My fingers twitched as I thought about my lipstick. Time to put on the act.

"You have to help me, _please_!" I cried, forcing the tears to well up in my eyes.

I stepped towards him.

"Whoa, whoa, there's no time for that!" He put his hands up to try and keep me away.

"Please help me, I don't want to die, please help!" I walked up to him and looked him in the eye.

I may have been faking the hysteria but it was hard to keep it that way, each tear, each pleading word, it all brought the panic to the surface. It didn't stop my hand from reaching into my pocket and popping the top off my lipstick.

"Look, I can't help you!"

"Then let me help you." This time I spoke with complete clarity.

He looked confused but before he knew it I had the lipstick at his mouth and was forcing the end inside. I put my finger inside his mouth to make sure he swallowed it. He chomped down on my finger and I kneed him in the groin to make him let go. As we separated I fell to the ground and watched as he tried to spit out the lipstick. It was too late; he only needed to swallow a little bit.

Soon enough he fell to his knees, clutching his throat and looking up at me in horror. I got to my feet and headed off again, I had to get to the cornucopia, there were two of us now, and in the pit of my stomach I'm sure I know who it is. Blaze.

I was right. I finally made it to the clearing with the cornucopia in the centre and she was waiting for me, her blonde hair flying wildly around her face as she stood on top of the golden structure.

She laughed madly when she saw me enter the clearing.

"I've been waiting for you, princess!" She yelled.

I watched her leap off and land with grace that I didn't think she had. She walked towards me and I stood, almost frozen with fear, as she got closer. She stopped about five metres from me. Some of her hair was singed, she had scratches all over her face; it looked like she got caught up in the mist as well. Her grey blue eyes were tempestuous, her hair was windswept; she looked very unstable.

"Why me Blaze?"

"Because this'll be a fun way to end the games, getting rid of you."

"I suppose it is a bit of payback."

"What are you talking about?" She snarled at me, showing her teeth like a rabid animal.

"I was the one who killed Cress." I thought I heard a growl low in her throat.

"If we hadn't gotten separated I would have at least made his death enjoyable, I bet you did it as revenge for killing your little lover boy." I must have looked surprised because she laughed. "Yes, I know about him, we saw the two of you before we got caught up in that mudslide."

"You're right, it was revenge."

"Hopefully it hasn't taken too much out of you; I wouldn't want this to be an embarrassment for you." She sneered and I exhaled shakily.

"Don't worry, it won't be."

"You think you're so much better than me because you're from the Capitol, well you know what? That makes you pathetic and weak and nothing you do now can save you." As she uttered the last words she lunged for me.

Her body slammed into mine and we hit the floor hard. She clawed at my face; I felt her take some skin as her nails raked my neck. I grabbed her blonde hair and ripped at it. She screamed and I managed to get her off me as I flung the hairs off my fingers. She was right back at me again. I forced my hands into her face and her teeth found my hand.

I shrieked as she did so, I'm sure she broke something. I used my other hand to pinch her side. She recoiled in pain and rolled away; she must be bruised or burnt because I barely caught skin. I ran at her, she kicked out her legs and caught my shins, sending me crashing into the ground. My head hit the turf and I felt momentarily dizzy.

Before I knew what was happening she had my hair and was dragging me towards the cornucopia. She let me go, or maybe my hair tore away from my head, my adrenaline is pumping too much for me to feel it.

"Get on your feet!" She raged in a husky voice that I didn't recognise.

I did as she said and she came at me again, I copped a punch to the face right as I managed to thump her in the stomach with my fist. I recovered faster and I managed to pin her down. I reached for my lipstick but she head-butted me and overpowered me, climbing over me again.

My fingers couldn't close down on it, I couldn't get to it. She was going to end like Cress, or I was. I built some strength inside me and kicked her off.

I slammed my fist into her face and she fell back into the cornucopia. She slumped down and lay motionless. I saw her chest rise and fall, she was still alive.

This was going to end badly either way. I thought frantically, Peeta. I turned around and thrust a fist into the air. I left it there and closed my eyes. My breathing slowed, I started listening to everything from the wind in the grass to the beating of my heart. I heard her stand and exhale in a frustrated snort. I heard her pull something out of her pack and my spare hand fluttered by the knives in the belt of my backpack.

I counted her steps… one…three…four… she was nearly on me and when I heard that fifth step my hand closed over the knife and I opened my eyes as I spun around. Her hatchet pierced my arm and grazed my side as I buried my dagger under her ribs. She gasped and I used my other arm to support her weight as she dropped her weapon and started breathing quickly. Blood started dribbling from her mouth and her once cold eyes had lost all of their ice and I felt like I was holding a scared child in my arms.

I slowly lowered her to the ground and held her hand as the light started to fade from her face. I leant in close and put my lips to her ear. I whispered so quietly that I know only the two of us heard.

"I'm sorry." She looked up at me frantically before the hand that was gripping my arm went limp and her face lost all expression.

I pulled the knife out of her side and tossed it away. I heard her cannon go off and brushed my fingertips over her eyes as everything hit me.

Everything was spinning, her body seemed to get farther away from me with every second, Seneca Crane's voice rang out in the background of my consciousness 'congratulations to the winner of the 75th Quarter…', a ladder descended in front of me and my hands reached out to take it, I was lifted into the air, and then I started crying, screaming, I couldn't breathe and I couldn't see through the tears, but I was alive.

There were bright lights all around me, I blinked to try and keep it out of my eyes. I tried to move my arms but something was stopping me. My vision was blurry but I knew I was in a bed and I looked down to my hands. After a moment of squinting and straining I could see that my hands were bound by foam cuffs and they kept me strapped to the bed.

I looked around; this was the room that I had been in in the hotel before the games, I really did it, I made it through.

"Hello?" I called out, I was beginning to worry, why was I strapped down?

I called out a few more times before Effie flitted into the room with a big beaming smile.

"I'm here my dear, I'm here! Oh my, don't you look wonderful! Very refreshed!"

"Why am I strapped down?"

"You were having nightmares! Clawing at your face after you had only just been given a body scrub, we couldn't have that so we decided it would be better to strap you in."

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Only a few days dear, but now that you're up we must get you ready for your interview with Caesar! I must say, I have never seen such celebrations! The crowds are absolutely thrilled! The way you kept us guessing! You were _marvellous_!"

"Thanks," I muttered, "when do I see my prep team?"

She untied my wrists and I sat up unsurely. I realised that I was naked and Effie bought me a silky white robe. I flicked my legs over the bed and stood up slowly. I looked up and into the mirror and gasped. My hands reached down to my side, my burn, it was gone; it had vanished. Effie put the robe over my shoulders and as I tied it around me I asked her about it.

"Oh, you had a body scrub dear! We got rid of all those nasty burns and scratches, you're fresh and beautiful again!" I pulled the robe aside and stared at my perfect skin, it made me shiver.

I was back to the tanned beautiful woman that I was before the games. Like nothing had even happened.

I slid my feet into some fluffy slippers and walked out into the main room with Effie, there was a buffet of food on the table, it was far too much for three people. Then it hit me.

"Where's Peeta?" I asked as I sat down and stared at the spread, my mouth watering.

"Oh, you won't be seeing him until he joins you for your interview. They sent Haymitch home yesterday and he was rather emotional, decided to skip breakfast."

"You mean he didn't want to see me, the guy who murdered his mentor?"

She gave me a bitter little smile before sitting down and pouring herself a cup of tea in some fine china. Suddenly I didn't feel as hungry as before.

I had a glass of water and felt my stomach churn. I had half of an apple but I just couldn't stomach anything else. Now I had to go out there and put on my act again, all the while pushing Peeta further away from me. I had to get my strength up; I had to make sure I didn't lose my cool.

I haven't seen any of the footage from the games so I know there'll be things that will stir up my emotions. I have to keep them in check, I just have to.

It was an hour later when Effie gave me a plain white dress to wear to the prepping area and we were on our way. It felt so strange to be in civilisation again. I looked through the windows of the car and saw people stop to stare, they must know who was in this car, many of them nudged their friends or pointed, excitement written all over their faces.

They ushered me into the prep rooms, past the training arena and into an empty silver chamber. You would think that it would be creepy or menacing, but right now it was far more comforting than a seemingly serene meadow.

"I can't tell you how good it is to see you." I recognise that voice.

"Cinna!" I jumped up and ran to him, he enveloped me in his arms and I resisted the urge to break down in tears.

He waited a moment before pulling away and looking into my eyes. "Congratulations."

"I don't know if that's the right sentiment." I sighed.

"No, I don't think so either." He gave me a small smile and I felt the tear roll down my cheek. "Don't cry, if you start, you'll never stop. You're strong Olivia, you need to remember why you started this and get back that spirit that you had when I first met you."

He was right, I thought I could do this when I started and for the most part, I have. I survived the games. "I just haven't had a chance to feel anything, it's like I only just left."

"Well it's been three days, come on, buck up." He gave me a soft punch on the arm and smiled.

I wiped my eyes and exhaled sharply. "So what am I wearing this time?"

"Oh you'll be most unimpressed." He smiled with that wonderful gleam in his eye as he walked over to a rack of clothes and pulled off a tiny gold thing.

"Is that it?"

"Oh you should see the shoes."

A while later I was in the hands of my prep team and they were chattering madly about how marvellous I was and how they always knew I had it in me and how I was 'positively enchanting'! Cinna had put me in the dress to check the size; I had lost a bit of weight since last time, and headed off to adjust it.

My nails had been filed right down, probably to try and stop the scratching, so the team put some fake nails on my hands. They must have spent an hour making my face perfect and by the end of it I was grinding my teeth out of annoyance at hearing their perky voices.

This was actually helping; listening to their excitement and glee about my winning the games and killing other people. For their enjoyment. I could feel my anger coming back, finally. I needed to feel it so that I could get through the public appearances, and there were going to be a lot.

When the time finally came for the interview, it was late afternoon, and I was all prepped and ready I was ushered backstage. I could hear people chatting and laughing in the audience. Effie was babbling on about how beautiful I was and how excited she was for this.

"Oh and of course you have the crowning after this, President Snow will personally present it to you! So when you head off stage you have to hurry around to the left…" I stopped listening after that, someone will tell me when I get off stage anyway.

I was searching everywhere that I could see for Peeta, but he wasn't here. He had to be here somewhere but it wasn't anywhere near me.

I was wearing a short gold dress that sat on one shoulder and had a hem line that was definitely higher than you would like. The heels were enormous and I was terrified that I would fall on my way to the chair, granted I was more afraid of flashing everything to the audience but still.

"Come now! We have to make our way to the stage entrance!" Effie chirped.

I exhaled heavily to steady myself. I closed my eyes and tried to focus, I needed to get through this; I had to.

I could hear Caesar beginning the show, the audience going wild.

"… and who thought we'd see her again, our own Capitol tribute, isn't she just amazing?! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Miss Olivia Hanspark!" The applause was deafening.

I almost forgot that it was my cue to go. I stepped up and onto the stage, the lights were blinding. I smiled and waved to the sea of lights and colours. Caesar smiled jubilantly and pulled me into a hug before we sat down for the interview.

He whispered congratulations in my ear as he embraced me. I took a careful seat in the red chair and gave my biggest smile to Caesar, the cameras, and the crowd. When the audience finally quietened down Caesar began.

"First of all let me just say congratulations! I had faith but it couldn't have been easy being up against all of those ex-champions! You must be ecstatic!"

Just breathe. "Caesar, I am thrilled." The cheers erupted again.

"Well I would be too if I looked as good as you in a dress, isn't she stunning everyone?" I really should just expect applause after everything either of us says.

"You really are far too kind; you caught me on a good day." He laughed.

"I don't know if you've seen any of the footage from the games, but we've got a little summary of your journey."

"Let's watch." My heart was beating so fast as the screen went black and I saw my face on the starting blocks.

Time seemed to slow down as I saw all of their faces again. It was so hard to believe that out of twenty-four that went in, only one came out without a box. They purposely showed close ups of some of the tributes; Lilia, Cress, Caius, Blaze, Michel and Haymitch, they were mine. I swallowed at the number of them that I took down.

They showed me running, and then infusing the lipstick with the poison. I watched the horror in Lilia's eyes; I watched my stony face walk away as she lay under the hanging rock. The picture seemed to get warmer in colour as I tousled with Caius for the first time. The crowd laughed a little, like it was such a familiar story. A cute little twisted love tale.

There was so much in the video about the two of us, about how we were never destined for one another but somehow found each other.

I had to try so hard not to scoff at the sad music that played when we got separated. I saw Caius on his own; he rolled his ankle a little and was hobbling back in the direction that he came, to try and find me. His ankle got a bit better as he walked. Then it flashed to Janet from District 6, screaming in shrouds of mist, then Blaze, and then me. I watched as Caius looked around.

I was screaming his name. He ran for me and when he hit the mist he held his breath. By the time he found me I was screaming for Peeta to help me. I couldn't control my emotions when I saw my face. My eyes were filled with blood; I couldn't see anything in my eyes but glassy red blood. It was running down my face and didn't stop until Caius took me out of the mists.

He used his water to wash the blood off my face as I lay unconscious. My mouth and nose twitched as I watched him declaring that he would do anything for me and I couldn't hold back tears when I watched Cress holding me down, the fear was right there with me, it gripped me so tightly that I stopped breathing until I saw Caius kick Cress off me on the screen.

I wanted to look away but I had to keep my eyes on the reel.

Everything flashed back, ending it for Cress, Caius, and Haymitch. I even held my breath when I saw the crazed look in my eyes as I attacked Michel. And when I watched myself take everything away from Blaze I looked away from the screen, moments before it went black.

I was disgusted at the applause from the crowd, like the end of a brilliant movie, I was the star and they were in awe of me. It made me sick to the stomach. I needed this; I needed to remember why I'm here.

"What a remarkable woman!" Caesar's voice brought me back to reality.

We discussed the games, my time, the poison; the relationships.

"Now I can assure you that you had my mind racing when you turned your lipstick into poison, we haven't had a poisoner win the games since well before the last quarter quell!"

"I was a little nervous myself," laughter from the crowd, "I wanted to keep you guessing, keep you on your toes, it's not often you have to think before you kill in there, to be honest I don't know how I made it out alive, it is without a doubt one of the hardest things I've ever done."

He put a reassuring hand on my knee and I smiled warmly at him. I've never been sure about Caesar. He is so central to the games that he would have to love it; no one could be so enthusiastic about something they despise for so long.

"I think we know part of the reason you made it as far as you did." He grinned cheekily, "a lovely young man named Caius."

"I think you're right, I wouldn't be here without him, that's for sure. I think he saved my life more than he knew." It sounded like every woman in the crowd let out a simultaneous 'aw' as I looked to the side wistfully.

"We watched your relationship grow, almost like we were there with you. I bet you're glad we weren't!"

I smiled lightly and waited for his next question.

"It's not often we see romances bloom, especially not from tributes of different Districts! There was another 'romance', if anyone cares to call it that, in these games, but I think it was the two of you who caught our attention the most."

"You probably saved us with that stew. I don't think I would have been able to get down another of Caius' possums."

"In all seriousness, what was it like, knowing that one of you wouldn't make it back?"

"In all honesty Caesar, I can't begin to explain how difficult it was for me to comprehend that. During my watch I would sit and think of how it would end, how one of us could possibly do away with the other if the end came and we were still there. When he said that he would die for me, I knew what I had to do."

"Oh and you had us on the edge of our seats! I may have even shed a tear. But why not let him protect you for as long as possible?"

"Well Caesar, all of you in fact, imagine someone you care about, think of them in the happiest memory you have and relish that moment. Now imagine that they were a part of the games, about to run for the cornucopia at the first cannon. To me, the idea that he could bleed out, or suffer, that was worse than the idea of dying myself. I didn't want the last sight he saw in that arena to be a pair of hateful eyes. I wanted him to die painlessly and in my arms, he wouldn't have let me die for him so it was the only way to save him."

The entire crowd was silent, I even saw something real glint in Caesar's eyes for a moment.

"I think we all agree that you are one of the more notable tributes we have had."

"Don't let the lipstick fool you, I'm really a big old nobody."

"I come to understand that the other person who saved you hasn't even seen you since the games." I felt my body tense. "Ladies and gentlemen I present to you, the winner of last year's Hunger Games and one of the most extraordinary young men I have ever had the pleasure in working with, Mr Peeta Mellark!" I whipped my head around to see him.

There he was dressed in his black suit, handsome and as much a darling to the crowd as ever, waving and smiling to the audience. His eyes locked on me and he opened his arms with a big smile plastered on his face, I know I fake smile when I see one, I have many of them myself. Still I stood up and threw myself into his arms. Though his actions said one thing I could feel his ice towards me and I could see it in his eyes as he pulled away and headed to the empty chair next to mine.

"I have to say Peeta, you look wonderful this evening." Caesar gushed.

"Not as good as our victor here." Though he was smiling that comment cut me deeply, I don't know if anyone else could understand the real meanings behind out words but it was as if we were having our own little conversation.

"I don't think I would be looking this good if it wasn't for you."

"Our hearts went out to you after you got caught in that fire! We thought you weren't going to make it. And you," he looked over at Peeta, "it took you long enough to get that medicine to her, what were you doing over there?"

"I was asking people for cash, that stuff was good and pricey. Say Caesar, how much did you donate for the tributes?" The audience laughed and Caesar gave an over enthusiastic shrug and looked at the camera with an impish grin.

"I was pretty thankful for that stuff you sent, everything was starting to go black." I smiled warmly and he put a hand on my knee just as Caesar had earlier, it made my heart sink.

There was more chit chat, I found out that Peeta had joined the commentary for the games at the prime hour in the evening and was planning on joining them again next year. I presume he was told of his role to play and it probably wouldn't make him favourable with the other mentors. Then the attention was back on me and we began to talk about the last hour and of course, Blaze.

"She said on this very stage that she was going to leave you until last and it worked out perfectly." I saw Peeta's lips twitch as he said the last few words, mine did the same.

It was almost too perfect.

"I guess it did."

"I thought you were toast for sure." Peeta laughed.

"Well, if anyone knows toast it's you." I laughed weakly.

He may have had an actual smile hidden under there but all he showed was his fake one.

"How is it that you managed to knock her down and then outwit her in the end?" Caesar sat back and folded his arms, waiting raptly for my response.

"In all honesty," and I really mean that, "I thought about you." I looked over at Peeta. I could almost smell the horror on his skin. "I thought about your games, I remembered Cato thinking that you were dead and turning his back. I turned around and focussed on my senses so she would do the same thing that you did; only I was ready."

He sat staring at me and I wished I had kept it to myself.

"There I go saving you again." He joked and the audience lapped it up.

I was barely hanging on at the end of the interview and I was exhausted by the time it came to a close.

"It has been a pleasure talking to you both, and I look forward to watching you as you are crowned, the winner of the Quarter Quell!" The audience erupted and Peeta and I stood up.

I gave Caesar a kiss on the cheek and we walked off stage together. As soon as we were in the wings I called to him.

"Peeta! Peeta please let me explain-"

"Explain? What do you need to explain? Don't you think I understand what it's like in there?" He looked at me with desperate eyes.

"Of course I do so why are you angry?"

"I asked one thing of you, I asked you to help him!" I could see the pain on his face.

"If you knew you would understand-" Tears spilled from my perfectly made up eyes.

"I know what it's like, I know things change but you told that Caius boy that you wouldn't hurt him until it was only the two of you left and you betrayed him and… and me. I asked you to help him but you just didn't."

"What was I supposed to do?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter, congratulations on winning anyhow, I guess the odds were really in your favour." He gave me one last painful glance and turned to walk away.

I wiped my eyes as I hobbled over to where Effie was standing.

"My dear! What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just a little emotional."

"Well don't rub off your make up dear! Clarina!" So I sat for another fifteen minutes while she fixed my eyes, I'm sure they looked fine.

Effie had me climb into a carriage and attempt to stand as I drove down the road between the stands full of my admirers. I waved and smiled as brightly as I could even though I didn't mean any of it. I acted like I was smitten with the thrill of it all, so absorbed in the attention from all of them.

I just wanted to leave.

We stopped at the bottom of the stairs to the podium and I walked up, albeit clumsily yet still waving, until I reached the top. I stood on my mark and put on a determined face. To my left, President Snow was approaching with a golden tiara. He almost seemed to approach in slow motion, his face with the same expression as always; proud, in control, powerful.

He stopped to stand in front of me. My heart was beating ferociously.

"Congratulations Miss Hanspark." He said softly, the faint smell of blood drifting towards me from his breath.

"Thank you, I hope I've done the Capitol proud."

"It is safe to say that you have done just that. Once again, congratulations." I don't think I would ever be able to trust a man with eyes so cold.

He placed the crown on my head and used his hands to gesture to me for the crowd. They just applauded and cheered, drunk with the excitement of the games.

The rest was a daze; the whole night has been as I look back. I was shepherded out to my prep room where the three members of my team fussed over the crown and how sparkly it was. Maybe not that last part but they were definitely drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

There was a knock on the door and one of the stylists flitted over to answer it, when she saw who it was she didn't know how to hold herself. Seneca Crane stood in the doorway, his blue eyes sparkling in the bright lights of the prep room.

I stood up to face him, obviously he was here to see me.

"Good evening, Miss Hanspark."

"Mr Crane, what a pleasure to see you." I said politely.

"I'm just here to inform you that you will be attending a celebratory gathering tonight, hosted by President Snow. You will, of course, be the guest of honour."

"I would be delighted." I smiled warmly, not meaning it at all.

"Excellent, a car will be around to pick you up in about an hour."

"I look forward to it." We exchanged pleasantries and he left.

I know he could tell I was being false, but something tells me that he was too. My prep team babbled on around me, thrilled to be in my company. I just want to take some time out, maybe be alone; take a shower. Something tells me that I'll never be as alone as I'd like, but I volunteered for this.

"Oh my dear we must refresh your make-up!" Claudine gushed as she forced me into a chair.

I didn't even have time to search for Peeta to apologise again, before I even realised it I was being whisked off to a party hosted by the person I hate the most.

People stared at the car again, pointing and cheering. We reached the homestead, one of the many that are owned by the President, this one was reserved for the many special occasions and celebrations that he holds. I was a large house, immaculate in design and exquisitely decorated, even just walking down the entrance hall I was stunned.

Everything was lined with gold, the walls and floorboards were the best from District 7, a deep mahogany. The smell was rich and it seemed to calm me down, it was enchanting. The furniture was a deep red colour with gold fringing, there were no photos or sign that the house had been lived in, all the bedrooms have been converted to different gathering room. One for the people who liked to sit back with some dark liquor and their cigars, one for a clean conversation and sparkling liquor with a strings band, and the main room holds the large bar and has some classic dancing, there are avox's walking around with plates of finger foods and high tables with a few stools.

When I entered the main room the guests gave me a modest round of applause, they were all flawlessly dressed in black tie and formal dress. Thank god for Cinna, he had a more formal dress for me once the prep team had re-applied my make-up. It was a black, floor length, one shoulder gown. Very classy.

As I looked around the room the first faces I recognised made my eyes light up.

"Caledon! Margery!" The pair walked over to me from across the room, Margery in a bright pink tight wraparound dress and Caledon in a black suit with a bright purple tie.

I threw my arms around them, not even realising how much I had missed them. Well, I had missed Caledon a hell of a lot, Margery I missed a little less.

"My girl, you did it!" Caledon cupped my face in his hands and kissed my forehead.

"Oh you were just so brave! I can't believe that we are here!" I chuckled a little; she was absolutely thrilled at being a part of the high society's party.

"I'm so glad to see you, it's all been a big nightmare really." I held their arms tightly; glad to see the familiar faces.

"Make sure you mingle, let them know that there's more than a pretty face here." Caledon winked.

"I will."

"We're off to talk to the head of the higher education institution, it's so very rare that I get to socialise in the same circles." Caledon looked so very proud and put an arm around Margery.

"His wife has just started a vintage Old World clothing range, it's positively marvellous!" I gave a small laugh at her triviality and let them be.

"Well, well, if it isn't our latest victor!" A man's booming voice came from behind me and I put on my biggest grin and turned to face him.

I recognised him as one of the game makers, Polonius Templeton. "Mr Templeton, it's wonderful to see you, at last we meet, I've admired your work for years." I gushed.

He was a reasonably short man, about my height and quite portly. His two chins wobbled as he gave a small chortle.

"Well my girl I don't suppose you admired it so much this time around!"

I laughed, "Well I wasn't as appreciative of it as the years before, but I know your handy work when I see it. You can't tell me that you didn't have a hand in that mudslide." I said with a hint of flirtation in my voice.

"Oh you know my work too well my dear, but may I ask what compels a beautiful young lady such as yourself to volunteer for such an event?" He pulled an avox over and grabbed two glasses of champagne. I took one from him with no intention of drinking it.

"Well I've been watching the games since I was a child, almost taking notes if you will, and one day I just thought, how marvellous would it be if I could volunteer and become a part of it all, really get some glory for the Capitol, and myself of course. Though I have to congratulate you, it was much harder than expected, even with careful studies of the previous games."

"Well I say you did very well, especially against previous winners of the games. Why, it's positively remarkable that you made it here today!" I saw him eyeing my dress far too closely and I gave him a sickly sweet smile.

"To be honest I really don't have a clue how I did get here." We laughed together and I took the smallest sip possible of my liquor.

I can't stand the stuff; it's fouler than anything else I've tasted.

"Well I'll let you get back to circling the room, I expect you have many people to talk to. Congratulations, again." He toddled off to speak to someone else and I let out a sigh of relief.

I knew many of the other game maker's names and showed off my knowledge as they came to congratulate me, along with other members of high society, such as the owner of the largest hover craft designing company in Panem, the designers from the top Capitol fashion labels, and the dean of the most prestigious advanced learning facility in the Capitol. I had done my research of course. I knew enough about them to impress and make casual conversation.

When I finally escaped their clutches I had the chance to look around the room, I saw Seneca Crane on the dance floor with a woman I didn't recognise, he was eyeing me cautiously as they twirled to the symphony playing through the room. I looked away and my eyes finally fell on Peeta, she was so elegant in his black suit and tie, and he looked so confident. He was talking to some of the men from the wealthy businesses, I could see he had some dark liquor in his hand but he seemed as reluctant to drink it as I am.

He didn't show any signs that he was unhappy, he was laughing and joking and chatting with an air of excitement and thrill. He was so good at hiding himself; I know that underneath he's feeling everything else.

"I have to say…" the cool crisp voice appeared beside me, a voice I know very well. "I was surprised when I saw the footage of you volunteering, but I never really should have put anything past you. Silly of me really."

To say that she was beautiful was an understatement. Katia LeRose was what I would call the most beautiful and powerful woman in Panem. She was only a year older than me, we attended the same school, and yet she had control over more of the Capitol than anyone would like to admit. Her grandfather was the man who first started training men as peacekeepers. When her father died three years ago, she was twenty-one; she inherited the company that had been built up from the ground. It was worth millions. She owned the centre where the peace keepers are trained and housed, she is paid to plan the entire learning curriculum and enforce the rules of Panem in the barracks.

She is like an old world army general, she runs the entire thing. She is invited to every high class even, she has feet in every door, fingers in every pie; there isn't much you can hide from her. She gets what she wants whenever she wants it. The only person she reports to is President Snow, she keeps him informed of everything the peace keepers hear, see, even what happens within the ranks. She recently set up an operation to keep tabs on the streets, bugs and cameras, that made her Snow's number one informant and so he gives her free reign to do just about whatever she pleases. She is about as untrustworthy as they come.

"Well if anyone were to know me, it would be you." I gave her an obviously fake smile and she gave an equally uncaring expression.

She is about six foot tall in her heels; she has long brown hair and golden brown skin. Her eyes are always a different colour, contact lenses; I'm not even sure what her real colour is. Tonight they were a sparkling azure and her lips were a rich crimson colour. She was very slim with any and all body fat falling in exactly the right places. Her dress was a navy blue and hugged her figure tightly with a long slit up the side.

"That it would be, and don't care to forget it." I have a theory that her eyes are black beneath those contacts, beady black eyes like a snake.

"Oh believe me, I don't care." We exchanged cool and collected smiles before she swayed off to find a wealthy man to invest in her latest project, something about personal security.

"Oh my dear!" I turned quickly to see Effie scuffling over to me.

"Yes Effie?"

"Have you heard?"

"I don't know, you tell me." I'm not sure what she was so flustered about but she seemed anxious to tell me.

She looked horrified. "They're sending you to District 12!"

"Effie, Effie calm down." I said as what she had said ran through my mind.

"Oh but dear it's so awful! How could they send you to 12! Of all places! Oh it's just a nightmare!" I know she was more concerned about her own social life and ranking than mine.

"Effie, calm down, where did you hear that?"

"They're announcing it to you shortly; the President will be here soon!" She was so flustered that I wasn't sure whether to laugh or get her a seat.

It was only a few minutes before the head game maker and President waltzed over to us. Snow had that same icy smile and Seneca Crane was as curious as ever.

"It appears that our news has preceded us." Snow said calmly.

"Is it true sir? Are they really sending me to… to _12_?" I looked up at him, eyes almost pleading.

"We have been over the guidelines and we just can't alter the rules for a tribute from the Capitol. That would just be unfair to the other tributes." Seneca said. What he really meant was that they have to prove that anyone will be punished by the games, no one is immune. This was their way to strike fresh fear in the hearts of the District residents. "You see, you volunteered and were taken into the game as the tribute from District 12, so as the rules state, the victor of the games will live in the victor's village in the District for which they fought."

"We have been over it a dozen times but we just can't re-write the rules." President Snow was as cool as ever as he smiled down at me.

"Oh my god, I can't believe it, this is just… horrible!" I put a hand to my heart and exhaled heavily.

Snow was positively salivating at my displeasure. "We will, of course, do everything in our power to provide you with anything you wish. We have even made it possible for you to continue your studies. You will study District 12, and its surroundings."

"Surroundings?"

"We will permit you to go outside the boundaries of 12 for your study, within reason of course, always with a curfew."

"Oh, well, I suppose that is… something."

"You will also have a number to call when you require anything, again, within reason."

"I just can't wrap my head around all of this." I must have looked devastated because Snow was almost smiling with pleasure.

"When it comes to the victory tour, you will start in 12 of course and when you reach the Capitol you will be permitted to stay for a week, we will have some interviews and events that you will grace with your presence in that time, and for another compensation, you may return for two weeks half way between the victory tour and next year's games. You will of course be mentor to a lovely young woman from 12 next year in the games."

"My head is just spinning. When do I have to leave?"

"That would be midday tomorrow." Crane piped up.

I leant against the wall and heard Effie make a wounded sound. "Am I able to collect my belongings?" I asked, in a bit of a panic.

"You may take anything you wish." Snow was so cold that I can understand where he gets his name; this was like fun for him. "Now I must chat to our biggest sponsor, excuse me."

They walked away slowly and I sighed heavily, thank god. I looked up to see Katia's eyes on me, mocking, as if it was her who suggested the idea, and of course it was. That's the way it was planned.

"Effie, are you alright?" Peeta headed over with a smiling face and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, Peeta, you are so kind. Olivia has been sentenced!" I really did want to laugh at how dramatic she made it, but I refrained.

"What? Is she alright?" He looked at me briefly, I thought there was a bit of worry for me but the way he asked Effie, of all people, rather than talk to me directly made me think twice.

"She is being sent to live in _your_ District!" Everyone knew that Effie wanted a better gig than District 12; I suppose she thought that I was her ticket to better things. I really should introduce her to Margery. They have so much in common.

"What?" Peeta looked shocked, and a little annoyed.

"She leaves with you tomorrow!"

"Great."

The night sort of fluttered by, meaningless. I was waiting until the next day, having only been on the train once I wanted to get to District 12. I was finally released at midnight and sent back to the hotel for sleep. I had managed to find Caledon and Margery and tell them where I was headed. Caledon didn't seem surprised but Margery had about the same reaction as Effie. I would have the chance to say goodbye in the morning when I collected my clothes and other belongings.

I didn't really sleep that night, with every close of my eyes I saw the visions from the games, except this time my eyes were weeping blood. I slipped my hands into the foam cuffs and tried to get to sleep but I just woke up either screaming or in tears. It was a long night.

I headed out into the common area early, trying to catch Peeta. I never did see him, I headed straight over to my old home to get my things.

As I was packing my clothes Caledon came in with a large brown bear. "I kept them hidden so that only you knew where they were." I know exactly what he meant; I knew exactly what was hidden in that bear.

"Thank you." I stepped towards him and he wrapped me in his arms. "For everything." I whispered.

He gave my head a kiss and pulled away. "You make sure you do this thing. You make sure you win it."

"There's too much to lose if I don't."

"If you find anything interesting over in 12, can you call? I'd love to know what you found."

I laughed, "once a historian…"

I realised that Margery was watching us from the door way. "You make sure that shower has hot water. I don't want you freezing in the snowy winters." I smiled and walked over to give her a quick hug.

"Good luck kiddo." Caledon put his arm around Margery and I finally felt nervous about leaving.

I know I'd just been in the games but moving away from my home was somehow just as daunting. I was about to zip my bag when I heard Margery pipe up.

"You know I'll never watch them the same again." I turned to see her looking at me with tears brimming in her eyes. "I know you're not my daughter, but you're the closest thing I have, and to see you up on those screens… I don't think I'll ever be able to watch them again without… without thinking about their mothers. And your mother, she would have skinned you before she let you volunteer." I took a quick step over and wrapped my arms around her and this time she gave me a good hard squeeze.

I felt the tears fall from my eyes and gave a sniff. "You're right!"

"She'd be proud though." Caledon kissed the top of my head.

"Okay, I have to leave," I wiped my eyes and grabbed my bag. "You remember everything?"

"My girl would you just get going! You'll miss the damn train!" Caledon laughed and gave me a little push.

I didn't look back. I knew if I did I would just get stuck here for more time. I headed downstairs and saw a car waiting with a peace keeper escort. My car. I watched the building get smaller and knew that they would be watching through their window.

It was barely any time before we reached the train station and hardly any time after that when I was sitting in the dining car and felt the lurch of the train pulling away from the station. The city looked so beautiful from over the waterfall bridge, the forest on the other side even more so.

In a few hours I would be in District 12, things are changing.

I couldn't eat on the train, somehow I just wasn't hungry. I sat by the window of the dining car and stared out over the Districts as we passed. I saw the water in District 4, the huge electricity towers in District 5. My eyes lingered on the forests of District 7. I imagine they had Caius' funeral in those trees. I can see his mother planting a seed to grow its first shoots after the winter; in that perfect green that was his eyes.

It was a few hours before I saw the livestock pastures of District 10. It was then that Peeta first entered the dining car.

I looked over at him and he paused a moment to look at me before heading straight for the main table.

"Peeta…" He ignored me. "Peeta I-"

"Please just… don't. Let me be, okay? I lost someone close to me and I'm not in the mood to make pleasantries with his murderer." I don't know why it got to me so much.

Maybe it was that he used the word 'murderer' as opposed to 'killer'.

I let myself go numb as I stared out the window. It was another hour before we finally pulled into the station of District 12. Peeta hasn't said a word to me. He just gives me a heartbreaking stare that makes me wish I'd kept my eyes out the window or on the floor. It won't be forever, I have to keep that at the front of my mind.

I stepped off the train and the first thing that I noticed was the smell. It was an odd smell, the smoky fire smell from the coal mines mixed with the smell of the forest. I shivered a little, not from the chilly air but from the memories that returned with that smell. The fire in the arena. I would have to get used to that.

A peace keeper was waiting to walk me to the victor's village. I watched as Peeta headed off the platform and in the opposite direction to me. We caught eyes again for a moment and I wished I hadn't seen the pain in them.

I was escorted to the village; it stood so incredibly alone in the trees. The peace keeper pointed out the third house along, the doors obviously open. They don't have locks or keys in the districts. Well, not in 12. I walked up the steps and opened the front door which gave a tremendous creak.

It was huge and empty. Almost eerie. I was finally alone. All alone. I left my bag by the door and wandered through the house. It was beautiful; nothing like the Capitol homes, but that was by design. I let out a shaky breath. I'm home.

I didn't sleep that night. I woke up with sweats and blood on my face, skin under my nails. That just made me want to cry and being alone didn't help. I wanted someone to at least say that everything would be alright. But there was no one, and one of the Districts was a scary place to be alone for someone like me. I don't know anything different than the quiet of the Capitol.

In the day I stayed in the house. I unpacked and tended to my stinging face. Tears worked well to wash the scratches. I may have spent hours lying on the couch just staring into space, trying to will the nightmares away. I tried so hard to shut my eyes for some peace, but sleep never came calmly.

The next night I woke screaming more than once, the bed soaked in sweat and dried blood plastered the pillow. It was another night of torment.

The morning came around so slowly and my face was covered in desperate little scratches, trying to claw out the bad memories. They were still there. I lowered myself into the bath, the hot water cruel against my open sores. Still, it was a relief.

I had a white bathrobe hanging on the door and when the water had gone cold I wrapped it around myself and headed out of the bathroom to be greeted with the smell of fresh bread and a knock at the door.

I tied the robe and walked slowly to the door. I opened it to see Peeta standing on my doorstop bearing a woven basket with a cloth covering its contents. I looked up into his eyes and I saw myself in them, raggedy and dishevelled.

"Peeta… what are you…?" I started, but he stopped me.

"Before you say anything, just… just let me say I'm sorry." His eyes were full of pity and I hated that he saw me that way, but how else would he see me when I looked like this?

"Come in." I stepped aside to let him walk through the door.

He put the basket on the table and as the smell filled the room my stomach let out a vicious growl, I haven't eaten in days. He must have heard because he started taking out plates and a knife, obviously knowing where everything was, his house was identical.

"I came bearing gifts, I had the chance to think, finally, and I know I wasn't fair to you. The games… they change you, they do things to you that you can't begin to explain to anyone who hasn't lived them. I guess I was upset that Haymitch was gone because he was the only one who really understood. It's not your fault. They just…"

"Break you." I finished his sentence, knowing all too well what he was trying to explain.

He sighed and looked over at me. "I really was hoping it would be one of you who made it back, I guess I-"

"You hoped it would be him." He looked slightly sheepish. "Don't worry, I understand."

He sighed in a way that let me know that he meant it all. He knew that I was one of the few people who really could understand.

"You look famished." He cut a thick slice of bread and headed over to a fully stocked fridge. "Wow, they really set _you_ up." He almost grumbled.

"Take anything you like, I'm not a big eater."

He spread some kind of jam on the slices and handed me one. "You have to eat, trust me; the first bite is the hardest." As I looked into his eyes I saw that they were warm again, the cold melted now that he was back home.

I took a bite, and then another and soon enough we finished off most of the loaf. When I say we I mean mostly me, I think he just ate so that I wouldn't feel awkward.

"There should be something to treat those scratches in here." I saw him eyeing my face critically and I dropped my head to let my hair fall over my face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"I've just never been this vulnerable before." I whispered. "I know I'm not alone, not even close but I feel it." He couldn't know the whole truth behind my words but he gave a small grimace. "It doesn't matter; they'll be back tomorrow, and in greater numbers."

"I guess you can't go without sleep. I could tie your arms down again if that helps."

"Again?"

Another sheepish look and he sighed. "I helped Effie restrain you that final night, in the foam cuffs."

"Oh. Well, sure, you can try."

"Okay." There was a pause before I thought to ask.

"How many days has it been since the last day?"

"Almost six I guess, why?"

"I just don't want to lose track of time."

"That'll happen no matter what in District 12." He stood up from his chair and walked towards the door. "If you need me, press 2 on the phone, it rings my house."

"Thank you Peeta." He left with a small smile.

I sat for a while at the table before I got some fresh clothes and pulled on my shoes. It was time.

I ripped into the brown bear that I had packed and pulled out some of the papers from inside. Shoving them into my backpack, along with the rest of Peeta's bread I headed for the door.

I found the fence for the perimeter. I know that I'm allowed out but I have to find the best spot. There was a giant boulder and an old elm tree, then a hole in the fence.

Twenty paces until the woods became thick and then there was a huge hollow log. I walked into it and crouched down; feeling around for what I knew was there. The flat piece of wood slid out of place perfectly and I climbed down, into what the people of the old world would call the rabbit-hole. It's too hard to explain, it was from an old piece of literature.

The stairs made from the rock descended for about four metres before I hit the underground chamber. Up ahead was a wooden door. It led to a hallway with two doors at the end. As I put my hand on the door to the left I took a deep breath and pushed it open.

The room may as well have been above ground, it was just like your average house, kitchenette, dining table, couch, and even a television that had constant power streaming from the Capitol. This was, of course, no accident.

A door opposite me opened and there he was, a small chuckle escaping his lips. "Well, well… I was wondering when I was going to run into you." I smiled as his grey eyes glinted with more than just curiosity; with life.

"Was it that obvious?" I smiled wickedly, the look in his eyes mirrored in mine.

"Let's just say you weren't subtle sweetheart." He took a seat on the end of the couch and I wandered to the other end of it.

"You're just saying that because you know the truth, imagine what the people of the Capitol would say."

"I'd imagine it would be something along the lines of 'him, really?'"

"Now Haymitch, you don't really believe that we think so little of you do you?"

He gave a little laugh and flicked his hair out of his eyes. "I think you're going to think what you want to. You got a backpack there, what's in it?" I rolled my eyes and unzipped the big pocket, taking out the rest of the bread and putting it on the table.

"Peeta's handiwork I see." He walked over and ripped a piece of bread of to take a bite.

I also pulled out a bottle of white liquor. "You better make this last because I'm not bringing you a bottle a day."

He looked at the bottle with caution and pushed the bread aside. "Not trying to poison me with food again are you?"

"Why would I save you and then kill you?"

"You Capitol people are always crafty."

I gave a little laugh. "I'm from the Capitol and you assume that you know me."

"I'm sure I know more about you than you could ever know about me." He sat back arrogantly and I gave a little smile.

"I know plenty about you Haymitch, more than you know about yourself." He gave a scoff. "How about I tell you a story?"

"Are you going to tell me about myself? This should be a treat." He folded his arms and stared over at me arrogantly.

"Okay, fine. So you were sixteen when they pulled your name out of the reaping bowl, you and three other tributes. What made you stand out was that you were smarter than them. You were smarter than all of them. The President hated that you figured out a way to cheat death, cheat the game. The force field was their source of control and you managed to make it work for you, like the jabberjays of the Dark Days War. So they planned on punishing you.

"They had to give you everything they promised because they needed to keep up appearances and they didn't want any uprisings. So they had to take away everything that meant anything to you. Two weeks after your return to District 12 your parents were killed, a tragic accident of course. Peace keepers would give you that look all over town, so that you knew it was one of them who took them from you. You were an only child so they thought you had no one. You made it seem that way."

"Have you been watching my tapes? Bravo, that's some good eyes you've got there." He looked amused, like he was so confident that I couldn't possibly know anything about him.

"Okay, here's something from your tapes; in your interview after the games you were asked if there was anyone special back home, you said that there was before you entered the games but now that you're a winner you can go after bigger and better things than a silly schoolhouse romance. You lied. You planned the whole thing with her when you first fell for her. She knew how smart you were so she agreed and when you got back you kept your distance and met in private so no peace keeper could touch her. You never thought they'd go after your parents."

He was beginning to get that look of curiosity in his eyes, the arrogance being pushed to the back of his mind.

"Your girl's name was Violet. She had this way of making you laugh when you showed up seething and she would hold you through the nightmares. You even managed to keep it a secret for two whole years. It was only when she fell pregnant that the real problems started." He was listening intently now, unable to tear his eyes from me.

"You had a plan; you were going to keep them safe no matter what. You knew that if the peace keepers found her with a baby they would put two and two together. So you kept her hidden away so she could have the baby in secret. Two months before the games she gave birth to her baby, a little girl. You named her Amber Abernathy; it was what you wanted to call her.

"When the reaping came around you made a scene on the stage so that she could make her way to the waiting train with the help of a peace keeper who was different to the rest. He smuggled Violet and Amber onto the train and hid them in the storage compartment. You managed to slip away from the tributes and the minder to say goodbye, a real goodbye." I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I saw the hard look on his face fill with sadness and pain.

"You brushed her hair out of her face and ran your fingers from the top of her head down over her face to hold her head in your hands and kissed her. Then you held your daughter for the last time and did the same to her. When you reached the Capitol you had a short time to yourself and so you called a man that you trusted, you had met him when you first came to the Capitol as a victor and he was so very different.

"You met with him and told him about everything, I think he had to sit down because it was so hard to hear. Then you asked him if he would take her in with your child. You asked him to save them, and he couldn't say no, not to a pleading face like yours. He agreed but he was unsure. When he saw the refugees for the first time though, he made it his mission to save them.

"You sent every cent that you had with your trusted peace keeper every year to them, as compensation to try and help, you would have used the extra food rations as trade back in District 12 but that doesn't matter. The point is you saved them by sending them to the one place you knew that they would be safe, so long as no one ever found out. Your daughter would never be reaped for the games like you knew she would be if she lived in 12 with your name. There was no doubt that they would use her to punish you for what you did in the games." He stared at me, not with disbelief, but with the eyes of a man broken, forced to relive that which he has tried so hard to forget. "Am I close?" I whispered, the tears finally falling from my eyes.

We sat in silence for a few moments. I wasn't even sure if he was staring at me or just lost in a world behind his eyes.

"How could you possibly…" He breathed, still unable to comprehend.

"Caledon Rochette told me." I said slowly.

"He would never…"

"Yes he would, because I wasn't telling you your story…" I walked over to my bag and pulled out the paper that I had stashed earlier. It was a letter, a well-read letter from a long time ago, and I handed it to him.

His shaking hands unfolded the paper and as he read the first line his other hand reached up to grip the letter, as if it were a matter of life and death. Tears had started to fall from his eyes. I knew the letter well, I had read it hundreds of times, and as he reached that tell-tale line his head shot up, shock and almost horror written on his sick, pale face.

"I was telling mine."

_My Dearest Haymitch,_

_I regret this already, I never should have let you convince me that this was the right idea. How are we supposed to live without you? I know we can survive, but living is a whole different thing. I see you in her eyes. They are so very grey tonight. It's almost as if she knows that something is missing. I know I do. I find myself sitting here watching the rain on the impossibly clean windows with the light from the games centre filling the black night. I know you always did say that my words were like your lullaby, well mine is your arms wrapped around me as we drift to sleep. I don't think I'll ever sleep again. Violet is gone, she'll never come back, and I blame the games for that. They stole you from me and now our daughter will never know how gentle and sweet you are, she'll never know how much you love her or the sacrifice you made for her. I'll never let her know the truth. It will be safer for her if she doesn't know. You saved us and now I'll save her._

_My name is Charlotte now; it says so on the paperwork. Your man is very brave and so very clever. His wife makes me grind my teeth. Our daughter has a new name too, Olivia, Olivia Hanspark. I do hope she'll fit in but with your blood in her veins I don't think she ever will. I know she'll be just as clever as you are._

_This letter will never be sent, I know that, but it brings me a little bit of peace. I will think about you every day. I'll love no one else. Keep my heart locked away in your chest and know that you'll never leave me. I almost feel like I can't stop writing because it means this is so real. I love you my sweet Haymitch, please don't ever forget._

_This is the last lullaby,_

_My love always, Violet._

I knew most of that letter off by heart. I have read it so many times.

"You…" He barely even breathed.

I put my arms out to the side and took a shaky breath in.

"Is she…"

I tried to hold back my tears as I shook my head but they came flooding out when I saw the look on his face as he hung his head.

"How long?" His voice strained as he sucked in the air from the blow I had dealt him.

"Almost eleven years."

I could see the heartbreak in every move that he made, at least if he didn't know, we may as well have been alive out there, safe in the Capitol.

"She… she caught an infection in her lungs. They said it looked like she'd spent most of her life living by the mines than living in the Capitol. Caledon told them that she'd been trapped in a fire when she was younger." Haymitch gave a little laugh.

"She lived in the closest area to the mines and there was an explosion that blanketed the houses with soot. We were only ten." He pressed the back of his hand to his mouth and he looked up at me. "I saw you that first day and I knew there was something, I never would have thought… Caledon knew she didn't want you to know… why would he…"

"He didn't break the news…"

He muttered something that sounded like 'Marge' and began to stare at my face. "If your eyes weren't so grey they'd be just like hers."

"They change, from as grey as yours to as blue as hers were."

"How did you get this?" He held up the letter desperately.

"She wrote hundreds of them. Every now and then she would get this look in her eye and just sort of fade out. She would lock herself in her bedroom and I guess she would just write. She wrote to you, and then me, when I started asking questions that she couldn't answer truthfully. I have them all with me; I'll bring them to you."

Haymitch put the letter on the couch and stood up slowly, never taking his eyes off me. "You have the letter, you look… you know all the details, still, how can I believe…"

"A poem…" She used to tell me a poem every night before I went to sleep. She had said that it was one that my father used to recite to her. "You recited a poem to her on the train." He was listening intently now. I took a deep breath in and began the poem I knew so well. "Remember me when I am gone away,  
Gone far away into the silent land;  
When you can no more hold me by the hand,  
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.  
Remember me when no more day by day  
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:  
Only remember me; you understand  
It will be late to counsel then or pray.  
Yet if you should forget me for a while  
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:  
For if the darkness and corruption leave  
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,  
Better by far you should forget and smile  
Than that you should remember and be sad."

He took a ginger step towards me and looked into my eyes. I could finally stare into the eyes of my father. He lifted his arm tentatively and pushed my hair behind my ears with a tenderness that caused me to sob out loud and as his fingers brushed over my eyes the tears spilled over. They grazed my damp cheeks and my nose and then my chin before he wrapped his arms around my body and I did the same, holding him so tightly. His arms squeezed me with such a pressure that I couldn't breathe but there was no chance that I would ever let go, not now.

He pulled away but kept a firm grasp on my shoulders. "She would kill you if she knew what you did!" He said with a lack of breath.

I gave a small laugh and wiped my eyes, "That's why I couldn't fail."

"I've seen the footage; I'm not the only one. What the hell is your plan?" We sat down on the couch.

"I want to save them, I want it to change. I don't want any more people to have to watch their children die or lose everything they love because someone feels the need to have control. I want to fight this."

"Well you're stubborn as hell like me, I just can't believe I'm staring at my daughter." I smiled and he exhaled heavily. "Does Peeta know?"

"The two of you are pretty close,"

"He's too good for his _own_ good."

"I know, I don't think he's forgiven me for killing you. He apologised for being cold but he's still… reserved."

"He's pretty loyal, to a fault. When are you going to tell him?"

"When he trusts me."

"He's a trustworthy guy."

"I can tell, but I need him to trust _me_, not just you."

We sat in silence for a while and he gave a little chuckle, "If I'd known who you were when I was watching those damn replays I'd probably have been a bit more annoyed."

I couldn't help but laugh. "I know some of that stuff was not really what I'd want you to see but things get a little distracting in there. I started this to find you."

"When did you find out about me?"

"When I was seventeen you were stumbling about on the stage and Margery made a comment about you. Something like 'she should be glad she doesn't know about him' and I got interested. Caledon thought it was the right time. I guess he didn't think I'd plan all this out."

"You better hope you know what you're doing."

"Here's hoping."

The sun was starting to set over the western horizon as I made my way back up to the surface and the confines of District 12. I could feel the warmth in my cheeks and I knew it would be there until I rest my head upon my pillow; that's when the nightmares will start.

I climbed through the fence and headed back to the Victors village. I could see that people were watching me and I could hear their whispers as I walked with my head down.

"…Like they really need more of a Capitol presence here…"

"…I don't know who I'd rather; a reject drunk or an obnoxious Capitol princess…"

"…Who has to die to get her what she wants…"

"…Does her victory mean that more of us get to die…?"

I took shaky breaths as I took very quick paces up to the Victor's Village. I was almost on my front porch when I ran into Peeta. I mean I literally walked right into him.

"Oh!" I turned my face away and wiped my eyes on my forearm.

"Hey, are you okay?" He grabbed my arm to try and turn me toward him and I flinched. "Sorry."

He looked a little sheepish, as if he should have known that touching me would cause me to recoil.

"No, it's fine. I'm just finding it hard to feel at home in a place where no one wants me."

"Don't be silly, people want you here." I gave him a look and he smiled like he was holding back a laugh. "Yeah, you're not what I'd call a favourite around here."

I couldn't help but let out a laugh myself. "No, I'm not."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm better than yesterday, for now." Which was true.

"Do you need… anything?"

"Uh… I could… no, no I'm okay."

"Are you sure? Anything, really."

What I wanted to ask was if he would stay with me, I really need some sleep.

"Nothing, I'm okay."

"Did you want me to come in?" I looked up at him just screaming yes with my eyes but saying nothing. "I mean… if you want some company."

"Yeah… okay."

We headed into my vastly empty house and I sat down in one of the kitchen chairs while Peeta leant against the bench. The silence was slightly awkward and all I could think about was how I would sleep tonight. I put a hand to my mouth and bit down on my fingernails almost thinking that I could taste the blood that was surely under them.

"You hungry?" He asked quietly.

"I guess."

"Why is this so…"

"Weird?"

"Exactly."

"Maybe it's because we know that both of us feel exactly the same thing as the other. I'm the same as you were a year ago and I'm terrified of making it through to the point where you are."

"Maybe it's just that I feel terrible about the fact that I left you alone over here." He looked over sympathetically.

"You don't have to feel bad about anything."

"We're tributes, victors; we fought the same war and we should be on the same side. I guess I forgot that for a while. I had my family; they kind of ripped you away from everything."

"Thanks for reminding me."

"Sorry," he smiled, "I just mean that it's probably a lot harder being alone."

I thought about it and turned away, my eyes wistful. "I actually feel less alone now than I did back… in the Capitol." I almost said 'back home' but I am home.

I saw him turn away from me and I realised that he probably thought that I meant being here with him. I figured that I had better not say anything and make it worse.

I watched him get up and head over to the fridge, taking out a piece of red meat and looking at it with hard eyes.

"What is it?"

"Oh nothing, I just, we don't get this kind of thing out here." He was still making me feel guilty.

"Just take it all, take it to the hob or something."

"How do you know about the hob?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Oh I walked past it today. I heard someone call it that." He didn't seem convinced but he let it drop. "Just take whatever you want, I haven't been eating much anyway, it'll just go to waste."

"Why wouldn't you eat it?"

"Do you have any of this stuff pre-stocked in your fridge?" He looked away. "I didn't think so. I don't want special treatment. I know everyone thinks that I have it anyway but I don't need it." I pulled my feet up onto the chair and held my legs against my chest.

The glow of the setting sun illuminated the room and I stared out to the shadowy line of the forest as night fell. I shivered.

"Are you cold?" Peeta walked over and stood next to me.

"No, I just… I know that the nightmares are coming."

"You think that's the hard part, then they finally recede to once a week and you have to go on the victory tour. The hard part is standing in front of the district of a tribute you killed. That'll just bring the nightmares back." His blue eyes turned cold and he looked like he was in a whole other place.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" He looked up in confusion.

"I'm sorry that you had to be a part of the games. It's not the grandest of traditions."

"I knew there was something very… un-Capitol-like about you. In all of the moments before the games. Well, except when you fell all over yourself in front of… of Haymitch."

Now it was awkward again.

After a long silence he finally spoke up. "Did you… I mean… do you want me to stay here tonight?"

I didn't expect that, and as much as I knew that I should probably say no every inch of me was practically screaming yes. It slipped out of my mouth before I could even try to stop it.

"Please?" I looked down with flushed cheeks and he looked over thoughtfully.

I even felt like maybe he was just as vulnerable as I am.

"_How was school my princess?" my mother asked as she pulled me into a hug._

"_We got to watch a movie from the old word today mum." She held my hand as we began the walk back to our house._

"_I bet that was exciting." She gave my hand a gentle squeeze._

_Of course it was, but in my six year old mind much more important things were spinning round and round._

"_Mummy,"_

"_Yes my darling?"_

"_All the other children have daddies. Why do I only have a mummy?" I felt her stiffen up and tighten her grip even more on my hand._

"_Your daddy… he isn't with us anymore. He isn't here." There was sadness in her voice that even a little girl could understand._

"_Where is he mummy?"_

"_He's gone." Her voice was morose; she was missing him so very much._

"_Is daddy an angel mummy?"_

"_He is as close to an angel as you could possibly find." She stopped and knelt down to face me, her eyes teary. "I promise you that where ever he is right now he is thinking about you and loving you."_

She always did make it seem like my father had died, and for all those years I really did believe it. The more I think about it now I realise that she never actually said the words. I had a bundle of my mother's early letters in my pack for Haymitch along with a few slabs of meat that I took before I gave them to Peeta. I even had a fresh loaf of bread.

It was three nights ago that he first stayed in my house. He took the spare bedroom; it was an awfully big house, especially when you were alone like Peeta and me. His family were welcome to his house of course, but they chose to stay with the bakery, it was easier. Peeta didn't have a choice.

I would still wake up screaming, a few times with Peeta by my side, hushing me. Once he left I would lie awake in fear of falling back to sleep. I heard soft banging noises from the other room; it must have been Peeta dealing with the darkness in his mind.

Last night there was less nightmares. Only three. After the last one Peeta went to sleep in the armchair by my bookcase. When I woke up he was gone and there was fresh bread on my kitchen table.

I took a loaf for Haymitch and packed the rest of my bag to take to him. I didn't see him yesterday. I actually spent the day exploring the outskirts of the district. There was probably much more beyond the fence but I had better start close to home.

The old log and trap-door was beginning to become familiar and I smiled to myself as I headed underground to meet Haymitch.

"There you are! You know that spending a day alone is basically like a week?" I handed him my backpack and he started pulling items out like it was a normal routine. "Someone gets the good stuff." He held up the red meat.

"Well just be thankful that they keep giving it to me."

"I see there is bread, but no Peeta?" He raised an eyebrow and I sighed.

He had been asking me about Peeta since the second day I visited him. "I told you, not yet."

"Well why not?"

"I told you, I want him to trust me first."

"Tell him you saved me instead of killing me, that'll do it."

"I want him to trust _me_, not trust me for what I did." I sat down on the couch and pulled my feet up.

"I see…" He walked over slowly to sit on the couch with half of the loaf of bread in his hand. "So why is it that you need him to trust you before you tell him."

"I need people on my team who trust me before my actions; I need people to have my back because they are on my team, because they believe that what I'm doing is right. I don't want to have to explain myself even if I do make rational decisions. Can you understand?"

"Yeah, I know what you're saying. You can't have any chance of someone going against you if they can't see exactly where you're going. I do understand but I know Peeta and I'm pretty sure you do too. I'm pretty sure I know what you're doing here as well. And by the way, watching those repeats of the games after finding out that you're my daughter; I've got to say, I was a little grossed out." I laughed and he shoved me a little. "Do you mind if I ask what you were planning to do if you got out?"

"What do you mean?" I knew exactly what he meant; I was just avoiding the question.

"I mean, what were you doing with him in there when you knew that it was possible for both of you to get out? Was it all just acting?" We had a long period of silence and eye contact before I answered.

"I do mind that you ask, and I don't know. I don't." My eyes were glassy as I looked over, a curious look on his face.

"You don't have to be scared…"

"I'm not."

"Well, you're either scared or unsure of yourself. I know that look." So did I, my mother used to pull the same face whenever the games came around.

"That reminds me, there is a bundle of letters in my bag."

"Letters to me?"

"Yes, I'll bring them to you day by day. I have hundreds of them. I can bring you the ones she wrote for me when you finish all the others. They have a count on them."

"A count? What does that mean?"

"Read the lowest numbered ones first, they're indicative of the number of days you were apart."

His eyes dropped but his hand reached out to mine and he pulled me into his side. We shared an embrace for quite some time. I let his scent linger in my nostrils and I felt my heartbeat align with his as it pounded in my ears. When I would cry as a child my mother would hold me like this and so many times I would wish that I had a father who would do the same. Back then I thought it was something special that she did for me, now I realise that it was the way that he comforted her. I nuzzled his chest with my cheek and he rested his head on mine, still holding me tightly.

We didn't need to say anything more; I was so content to just be held in his arms. This was what I dreamt about when I was a child. Everything else would always come second.

I left him with the letters and I heard him ripping into them as soon as my back was turned. When I emerged from the old log the sun was beginning to set and my throat became constricted. I couldn't be out in the forest after dark. The panic set in as I ran back to the fence and climbed through, it only gave me a little bit of comfort. I wasn't moderately comfortable until I was passing the lights of the town centre.

I must have been running since the boundary because I had to stop to catch my breath.

"Olivia!" I searched for the voice all around me.

Then I saw Peeta walking towards me holding a wooden crate.

"Hi!" I was a little flustered and he gave a little smile, probably because he thought that my cheeks were flushed from seeing him.

"I uh, I have some things for dinner." He signalled to the box.

"Okay."

"I mean, I have things for _us_ for dinner, if you still want me to stay at yours."

"Maybe we could just stay at your place tonight; I don't mean to take you away from your house."

"No, no, I… I'm glad to be out of there. It's so…"

"Cold?"

"Yeah." We smiled at one another, as victors we share an understanding that no one else could hope to come close to.

One thing I've noticed since the games is that I spend a lot of time in silence. It's like there is so much to be said, but most of it doesn't need words. We walked back to my house and Peeta began taking different breads and sweet buns out of his crate.

"Did you make all of these?" I asked as I admired his handiwork.

There were little cupcakes with intricate iced patterns, there were buns with soft fluffy icing, they could have been from a pastry store in the Capitol.

"Yeah, my mother was ill today so my father let me use up some extra ingredients. He thinks you're fiery. He says he actually quite liked you in the games." I gave him a little smile.

"I'm glad to hear it."

"I should tell you though; he's a sucker for the underdog."

He was so sweet, he started out hating me and now he's being so accommodating. I guess he just didn't want them to win. He wanted to be himself despite the way they're trying to shape him. I watched him take a bite out of one of the sweet buns and I took one myself.

"These are amazing. I really hope you don't have any more of these because otherwise I'll probably eat them all." He laughed as I took another big bite.

"You have icing on your cheeks." He reached out and brushed it away and we laughed, the night seeming like less of a threat to me now.

It has been three weeks since I arrived in district 12. I have been trying to see Haymitch most days but I've needed to go out and actually search for some kind of old world history. I see Haymitch about five times a week.

He pesters me every single time about Peeta. He wants to see him, he misses his friend. Not that he says it like that. He makes some remark about my face getting pretty monotonous and that he'd like a little diversity. I know he just doesn't want to seem weak. Twenty years of acting tough doesn't exactly get reversed overnight.

Peeta and I have spent every dinner together. He stays at my house and disappears in the morning. I thought it was to go to the bakery but lately he has been there when I wake up. About a week ago I woke up screaming and he came running into my room. I was shaking and I could feel the cool sweat on my forehead. He put his hand on my head and hushed me.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry." My voice cracked and the tears fell from my eyes as he looked down at me sympathetically.

He looked like he didn't know what to do; he didn't know how to help. "Don't say sorry. I know… I know how you feel." He pushed my hair out of my face and looked so desperate.

I finally calmed down. I let my breathing calm down and our eyes met. I searched his big blue eyes for something, anything to let me know that he wasn't going to leave.

"Move over." The way he said it made me think that it was an impulse but his eyes were telling a whole other story.

"What?"

"I'm tired of having to come in here every night; I may as well…start here…" I scooted over and he climbed in beside me.

Our bodies didn't touch. He just lay next to me in the sheets and gave a large sigh. We both lay on our backs and stared at the ceiling and for the rest of the night I didn't have a nightmare.

After that I had maybe one or two a night.

Two nights ago we were both awake for hours. I can't even explain why, or what kept us awake but we were just lying there. Neither of us said anything but he reached over slowly and took my hand. Nothing more, just a gentle squeeze. He didn't let go all night, as far as I'm aware, and he was still with me in the morning.

Our eyes connected as the sun started to pour through the window. I smiled warmly and I felt him lace his fingers between mine and squeeze tightly before he sat up and stretched out.

"I'll see you later okay?" I nodded and he headed out of my room.

Then last night I decided that I was going to take him to Haymitch.

He climbed in beside me and this time I rolled over to face him and he did the same. The silence was our new thing. We hardly talked and it worked for us.

After what seemed like a long time he spoke up. "This has really helped me you know. For the first time in so long that I haven't felt totally alone. You get it."

"I know exactly what you mean." He inched closer to me and pulled me into an embrace. I rested my head on his chest and sighed with content as I listened to his heart beating.

"I'm glad I have you as a friend."

I don't know why it made my stomach churn to hear him out it like that, but it did. He called me his friend and that shouldn't have been a bad thing. It isn't a bad thing, but for some reason I couldn't shake that regretful feeling.

I wasn't going to bring up what happened before the games, I was trying not to even think about it. Maybe it was because I felt guilty about what I did after that, about what he had to see me do in the games. He didn't seem to be angry about it, or sad, or even remotely concerned. I should just forget about it.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" I asked with a smile.

"I was going down to the bakery, but did you want to do something?" His smile was laced with hope. It was such a strange thing to see under these circumstances.

"I want to show you something, outside the district."

"Did you find something interesting?" I thought about how I would respond to that, I decided to just be elusive.

"You could say that."

Again I fell asleep with his fingers between mine. It was nice to have the added comfort.

I did wake up thrashing in the night but Peeta pulled me into him with a strength I didn't expect and restrained me. I hardly even remember it, I was so groggy. I just remember waking up in the morning to see Peeta's angelic face still suspended in slumber and watching him for a while. In one quick moment it changed from peaceful to pain as his soft expression grew tense.

He took a sharp intake of breath and startled himself awake, his breathing becoming more frequent. I lifted my hand to his arm and squeezed it tightly. His eyes shot towards me and for just a second I connected to the panic inside him. It was just as dark and cavernous as mine.

When the darkness lifted from his eyes his breathing started to slow and he blinked the darkness away.

"I guess you didn't stay here for my benefit, at least not completely." I smiled lightly.

"It's awfully lonely in a great big house, and it still feels crushing. So yeah, having a little company is definitely a plus." I sighed; I know exactly how he feels.

"Come on!" I climbed out of bed and headed for the bedroom door.

We loped downstairs and I grabbed my bag and threw some food into it, including the rest of yesterday's loaf of bread.

"You won't eat that whole thing today will you?" Peeta laughed a little as he saw me packing it.

"No but I'll need it." He gave me a quizzical look and I must have had a rosy glow in my cheeks. "Come on."

We headed out and into the district and I led him to the fence where we hopped through to the other side.

"Where is it that you're taking me?" he pushed past the low-lying brush and we weaved between the trees, the light of the early morning sun shining in rays through the canopy of trees.

"Do you know much about Old World literature?" I held a branch back to let Peeta through.

"A little, I saw some movies when I was in the Capitol, and my father had a few when he could afford to treat us, and the power was available in the bakery."

"Have you heard of someone called Shakespeare?" He pulled a face and shrugged.

"Never heard of him."

"Well he was a writer, apparently he was quite well known."

"What does he have to do with anything?" I headed up over some rocks and extended my hand to help him up.

"He wrote a play, people used to go on stage and act out what he had written, it sounds amazing to me. He wrote lots of plays but Caledon gave me the entirety of one. Romeo and Juliet, it was about two star crossed lovers."

He raised his eyebrows at me.

"That's not the bit that's important," I said quickly. "You see, Romeo and Juliet were from families at war with one another. When they met one night by chance they fell madly and passionately in love. Of course if wither of their families found out they would have been furious.

"Romeo threw pebbles at Juliet's window and recited his love for her after he hears her vow to love him despite their families' quarrels. They marry secretly but when Juliet's cousin finds out he begins a fight with Romeo and the Montague's.

"He kills Romeo's friend and so Romeo slays him to repay the debt but Juliet's father banishes him from the city, threatening exile if he ever returns."

"It sounds really dramatic." Peeta smiled over at me as we made quick steps down a small hill.

"If I can get my hands on it on the Victory tour I'll show you, you wouldn't believe the writing, it's like another language. It's… it just… it takes your breath away." I know I was off in another world again and I could tell that Peeta saw it in my eyes.

"Finish telling the story, I want to know how it ends." We both paused from our walk to look at one another and I waited in silence for a few moments before starting the story again.

"That night, before he left the city, Romeo spent the night in Juliet's bedroom. They consummated their marriage and got to spend one last night together before he was banished, knowing that it was the last night. He left the city and Juliet was full of grief, pained. Her father, to make her happy, told a suitor by the name of Count Paris that Juliet would accept his marriage proposal. Only Juliet refused, she was married and loved Romeo, even if she couldn't see him again. Her father threatened to disown her. When she sought out her mother to plead for a delayed wedding, she rejected her."

"Her own family would rather she marry someone she doesn't know or love than be with a man from a family they deemed… disgraceful?"

I shrugged. "There are families like that in the Capitol, mainly ones high up in the aristocracy."

"The what?"

"The really rich powerful families."

"I see. So what happened to Romeo?"

"He left for a small town, he was heartbroken. Juliet pursued the friar who married them and asked him to help her. He sent her to an apothecary."

"A what?"

"They deal with like potions and poisons and herbs and all sorts of stuff."

"Like your mother?" I paused to look over at him and smiled.

"Yeah, like her. So he gave Juliet a vile of poison that created a death-like state to the drinker. Her heart would appear to stop beating, her blood would slow so quickly that she would have no pulse and she would turn pale. She would stay this way for almost two whole days. No one would believe that there was life in her body. The friar said he would send a messenger to Romeo so that he could meet her when she woke.

"She took the poison and they proclaimed her to be dead. She was placed in the Capulet crypt and mourned. The messenger never made it to Romeo and he heard of her death from his friend. He bought a powerful poison from the apothecary and took it with him to the crypt. When he went to mourn the love of his life he ran into Paris and killed him. He saw his Juliet dead on the bed of rose petals and wept for his love.

"He unstoppered the poison and drank it. It was only after his death that Juliet wakes up to see him dead and, overcome by grief, she stabs herself with his dagger and they are finally together." We reached the log and I climbed in.

"That's a horrible story." He followed me in, looking unsure of it all.

"It's kind of beautiful, but I told you that story more for underlying reasons." I opened the trap door and headed down the ladder.

"What reasons and where the hell are we going?"

"You'll see." He followed me reluctantly and we walked down the cement corridor.

"The poison thing, was that it? The point to your story? Were you trying to tell me that you were doing the best thing for them by letting them die peacefully in the games?"

"Close," I opened the door to Haymitch's chamber and we stepped inside.

"How long does that damn walk take? Oh, and you brought a friend." Haymitch grinned and Peeta's face went pale.

He said nothing; he just took a few breaths and leant back against the wall, in complete shock.

Haymitch was giving Peeta a big goofy smile and Peeta was just standing there with his mouth open. I walked over to Haymitch and slapped his arm; he was finding this far too amusing.

"Oh relax sweetheart, just give it a minute." He smirked.

"H…How…?" Peeta fumbled with his words.

"Why don't you come over here and take a seat." Haymitch walked over to him and put an arm around his shoulders, guiding him to the couch.

"Peeta, just take second to think it all through, remember the story?" I said calmly.

"What story?" Haymitch looked up.

"Just a story."

"You mean the one about us?"

"_No_. A _different_ story." I hissed.

"What about you two?" Peeta looked up, so confused, and his eyes darted from me to Haymitch.

"Do you see what you've done?" I sighed.

"Do you?" Haymitch laughed, clearly loving it.

"Can someone please just start at the beginning?! You're alive?!" The shock on his face was undeniable.

"First, yeah, I'm alive, and second, do you want the _beginning_, or do you want the bit where she cooked up this crazy pot of madness?"

"There's a difference?"

"Oh yeah, a pretty substantial di-"

"Haymitch!" I slapped him again, he wasn't helping.

"Alright, alright, but let me start this story." He started telling Peeta about my mother.

He went into so much detail and I couldn't help but feel a warmth spread through me as his face lit up with her memory.

"… She would always come home from school or her job at her mother's store with such a huge smile on her face, no matter how bad the day was. She would flounce through my door, after dark of course, and kiss me right here…" He pointed to his left cheekbone and smiled, "every single night."

He talked about her for so long that I thought Peeta might start rushing him but he seemed just as entranced as I was. Maybe he just couldn't believe that he had his friend back.

"Then one night we were just sitting around like we always did. We were eighteen and still terrified that someone would find out and she would be taken care of, well I was afraid, she was stubborn as hell." He looked over to me and I gave a tiny laugh. "She had been feeling off for almost three months and we had no idea what was going on. It was only when I felt it that we knew. I felt it move inside her, she told me that she had been feeling it for days and just hoping that it was nothing. She always wanted it but she had resigned herself to the fact that it could never happen because she loved me and wouldn't leave me.

"She cried for so long, she apologised and apologised but I had never felt so happy, not since the games anyway. Everything just sort of came crashing down in flames after that, it all hit me. My girlfriend was pregnant, and that was going to be a hell of a lot harder to hide than a relationship.

"We talked to her parents and as happy as they were, they knew that we were both in a very dangerous position. All three of us were. When things started to become more… obvious, she stopped going to school. She stayed at home and avoided as many people as she could. Eventually I moved her into my house, secretly at night." He rolled his eyes and sighed before he continued. "Then I had an idea.

"It was so crazy and moronic and I didn't actually want to go through with it… but her parents agreed and I practically had to force her into it. They had to go; they couldn't stay without risking exposure. My daughter was born two months before the games and I had a plan that involved the train."

"You sent them to the Capitol." Both of us recoiled a little as Peeta came out with a pretty spot on guess.

"You want to finish this story?" Haymitch said.

"I was just taking a guess, I take it I'm right though." He said softly.

"Yeah, you are." Haymitch continued his story.

He kept practically all the details in, not the saying goodbye stuff. I think that's something private, just for us. He told Peeta my name, my real name, and even without telling him explicitly about me, he just knew.

"How is that even possible?" He looked at us shakily and we turned to each other, not entirely sure ourselves.

"I guess we got lucky." I shrugged.

"You call this lucky? You call being cooped up underground _lucky_?" Haymitch raised an eyebrow.

"You're right, this is no way to live, how about we go outside and throw knives at you." I said sarcastically.

"Wouldn't being dead be even worse than cooped up down here?" He smiled, thinking he'd won.

"I'm glad you think so." I smiled arrogantly and he laughed.

"You know what? I think I can sense a resemblance between you two." Peeta gave a small chuckle.

"Yeah that and the fact that we both cook up crazy plots that will most definitely get us killed one day." Haymitch said

"What exactly is your plan?" Peeta looked directly at me this time and Haymitch did the same.

"That is something I would very much like to know too."

I sighed. "I hate everything that the Capitol stands for. Most of the people are arrogant and cruel and superficial. They're selfish and worst of all is Snow and the aristocracy." I thought of Katia, she was most definitely suspicious of me. That's mostly because she doesn't like me but even so, she's dangerous. "I hate the games. They stole me away from my home, my family and my mother… I don't think she was ever the same again. What you tell me and what I read in her letters say totally different things. They broke her heart. I will never forgive them for that."

"Agreed." Haymitch had a stony face and looked like he could use a drink.

"I want revenge." I said flatly.

"You can't just start a war." Peeta said.

"I know; that's why I want to do as much good as possible before it comes to that, you know it will come to that." They both nodded solemnly. "I want to teach the next tributes how to save themselves and the others."

They looked at each other like they thought it could be a good idea but I know that they're thinking about the risk.

"I know how hard it will be, but if we can at least show the districts that there is a way to save their kids then we can take them on."

"You can't do this alone; you need more than just us." Peeta sighed.

I looked over at him and smiled with one side of my mouth. "I have people everywhere. I'm not the only one working to overthrow them."

It was quiet that night in my house. Peeta and I sat at the table and ate without as much as a passing comment about the food. I did notice that Peeta was watching me, his eyes lingering on me as he chewed and I avoided making contact with them.

After half a meal of staring and silence I put my utensils down loudly. "Okay, what is it?"

He smiled warmly, the expression on his face so pensive. "I'm just… I just can't believe this is real."

"You know, I don't really believe it either. It's all kind of like a big, nightmarish dream."

"What the hell were you thinking? Volunteering for the games? You could have died before anything even got done."

"It was the best way to do it, it was my idea and I didn't want anyone else doing it anyway."

"You really are going out of your way; it's not up to you to do all of this." He said softly.

"This is what I had to do to get Haymitch back, and if I have to go further to take down the people who ruined so many lives then I have to. No one will ever change my mind or make me think I'm doing this for the wrong reasons. Yeah when I first had the idea I wanted to do it for me, but now… I know how many other families have been ripped apart. How many more people have to die for them to prove that they're in charge? How many more people have to die because they are so scared to lose the control?" I wasn't so much asking him as I was asking myself.

I don't think I will ever get an answer.

"Well I'm on your side until this thing is over."

"And then?"

"Well there will only be one side to choose wont there?" We gave each other hard knowing looks.

We both know it, we'll either win this thing, or both end up dead.

I piled the few dishes that we made in the sink and felt his arms wrap around me and squeeze me tightly. I couldn't help laughing; I didn't see it coming at all.

"What is this for?" I said as I tried to stop laughing.

"Thank you." He said softly as he rested his head on my back.

"For what?"

"Bringing him back."

"I had to."

"This isn't going to end well… is it?" This time it was his turn to ask the questions he didn't need answers to.

I sighed and we stood there for a while, his arms loosely around me and his cheek resting on the back of my shoulder. After a long moment of just thought I spoke up.

"I want to keep things as subtle as possible until it's completely unavoidable to send this thing into a full blown war. War means more death, and I want to prevent it for as long as I can."

"How long do you think that'll be?" He murmured into my shoulder.

"Hard to say…"

We didn't say any more on the subject of war after that. We didn't really say anything at all.

We headed to bed quite early, I climbed in and he followed suit. Usually our hands don't meet until we're almost asleep. It's almost as if we're pretending that the other is asleep so things aren't weird, but we know it's happening.

That night we lay there staring at the ceiling, not touching, in silence until Peeta finally spoke.

"So where to from here?" He said quietly.

"Well, for now I pretend that I am barely coping with being stuck out here. I do all the appearances and promos in the Capitol. I give them their precious satisfaction. Then come the games I try and save more tributes, and avoid suspicion for as long as possible. When hell breaks loose I go underground and this thing really gets started."

"So nothing concrete?"

"Not really. I'm waiting for someone to tell me that I need to change the plan. If someone does, then I'll stop and figure out something else, but for now I have to keep with the basics." I sighed.

This time he reached out for my hand early. We laced our fingers together and I breathed out to calm myself.

"I know I can do this and I have to keep telling myself that."

"Well I think what you've done so far is pretty remarkable. Getting out of that arena alone is… not too easy." He laughed a little.

We talked about some of the things that were involved in my plan, some of the things that could go wrong. We talked until we sort of drifted off to sleep.

I began to dream as soon as I lost consciousness.

I was watching the games, I was watching my tribute. She was searching for food in a dense Pine forest and the other tributes were nowhere near her. I sighed with relief. I could see the other mentors watching their tributes; there was Peeta, three stations to my left. He had a hard look on his face, like he was trying to solve a riddle.

"They're all so far away from one another," Peeta spoke as if to himself but everyone could hear him.

I was trying to send my tribute food but before I could Peeta pressed his button, sending rocks flying down the hilly slopes and the tributes running toward each other.

I had to stop it, I had to save her.

I looked down at all my buttons and dials and I pulled one. When the mutts began running for her my blood ran cold. My stomach twisted into knots and I jumped back from the board. All of the mentors had red eyes, filled with blood and anger and malice, even Peeta. They watched hungrily as tributes were crushed by boulders and torn apart by ferocious mutts.

My tribute was screaming as the mutts tore her open, exposing her insides and killing her slowly. I did that to her, we aren't mentors… we're game-makers.

I woke up with Peeta trying to restrain me as I screamed and kicked. In the dark his eyes looked like they were swimming in blood and I became terrified that it wasn't just a dream. I shoved my palm up into his face and he recoiled so I kicked him off me and ran frantically for the door.

I couldn't see straight, it was dark and I had to escape. I ran groggily down the hall and slammed myself into a door, frantically trying to get in. I scratched at the door so hard that my fingers became raw and red. I threw my body at the door until it opened and I fell to the floor.

It was so dark and I was shaking as I tried to pick myself up and before I knew it someone had their arms around me and was pulling me across the room.

"Get off me! Leave me please! Stop it!" I screamed as I struggled against their arms and as they threw me down I felt my nails rake their skin.

"Olivia, please wake up!" His voice was so distant because all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears.

And then I heard the familiar squeak of the taps and I was hit with a cold stream of water. I gasped and sat upright, every inch of me shaking. I could no longer hear my heart in my ears; I didn't feel the chronic paranoia.

"Peeta…" I whimpered.

I could hear him panting and he put his hand out for me to hold. My fingers were numb and my sides ached, I was afraid to see what Peeta looked like. I could remember everything so very clearly; the dream and the hallucinations alike.

"I'm sorry…" I said shakily.

"It's okay; I was the same as you last year." He sighed.

I started to sob.

"Come on; let's get you out of those damp clothes." He helped me out of the bath and practically carried me downstairs.

I don't remember much of the night after that.

I woke up in the morning alone in my room. I lay there for a while trying to gain the courage to get up. I gently put my feet on the floor and stood up tenderly. I tried to stretch out but recoiled when I felt the pain in my sides. I walked to the bathroom to look in the mirror. I could already see that some of the skin had been scraped off my fingers and the paint on the bathroom door was scratched in a few places.

I lifted my shirt and gasped when I saw the bruises on my sides. They must have been from the bath, Peeta had to have thrown me down pretty hard. I don't begrudge him that, he was saving me.

When I cleaned myself up and dressed, I headed downstairs. There was a loaf of bread on the table but Peeta was gone. I know where he is of course. He's gone to see Haymitch.

I started out for the old log myself. I was a little sore from last night but I managed to get there in one piece. As I headed down the corridor I could hear their muffled voices. I pressed my ear against the door to listen.

"It'd the same thing that happened to me Haymitch; you remember how hard that was for me to break."

"Yes and you were more alone than she is. It will get better. You know that."

"I still have the nightmares Haymitch! I still have them and sometimes I wake up and have the same kind of paranoia that she did last night. You should have seen her Haymitch, it was like she didn't even recognise me, or remember what I've been through."

"She probably didn't. You remember what it was like for you. Do you remember that time I woke you up from the nap and you had me bruised and bleeding? It's the same. It only gets better with time."

"I don't know how you did it; I don't know how you helped me. I don't know how to help her."

"All you can do is be there. I didn't know how to help you, I still don't. But it's your job as her mentor, as her friend, as whatever else you are to her. I can't do it so promise me you will."

"If she knows I'm protecting her she'll pull away, she won't want me to think she's weak."

"She is a bit like me in that way isn't she?" I heard Haymitch chuckle to himself. "You just have to try."

It was silent for a moment so I opened the door.

"I thought I'd find you here, what are you- oh!" I gasped at the sight of him.

Peeta had three scratches on the side of his neck and a purple shadow under his eye.

"I am so sorry Peeta!" I walked up to him and put my hand on the side of his face gently.

"Don't be, I'm sure you're a little worse for wear. Besides, you should have seen the state of Haymitch after I'd had at him after the games last year." His smile was so warm and forgiving that I couldn't help but return it.

As Peeta and I were looking intently at one another I heard Haymitch start talking.

"Well hello father, so wonderful to see you." I couldn't help but laugh.

The weeks are slowly leading up to the Victory Tour. In two weeks I will catch the train up through the districts one by one with Effie and my mentor. I am so thankful that Peeta will be coming with me; I don't think I can cope alone.

There will be a whole week in the Capitol to network. I do want to see Caledon and Margery, I have missed them. I know Katia will be breathing down my neck with her sweet demeanour but cold calculating mind.

Peeta and I were sitting at breakfast one morning, the night having been reasonably peaceful. "So how did you even find the place where you're storing Haymitch?" He asked as he took a bite out of his bread.

"Okay, for one thing, I'm not _storing_ him anywhere, and history and research is what led me there."

"How is that?"

"Okay, well it turns out that some of the people from the old world saw the Great War coming. They made these… underground cities to escape from everything."

"Really? You mean they built whole cities underground?"

"They spanned close to the entire country."

"So… you mean to say…"

"They're under all the districts."

"So how did you find out about it?"

"Caledon was doing some research that he probably wasn't totally authorised to do when he stumbled on some old journals from the old world. They kept talking about this place they called 'the Sanctuary' and we couldn't figure out what the hell they meant. Caledon studied those damn things for weeks. One day he came to the meeting, late of course, with this big grin on his face yelling 'I found it'!" I laughed to myself thinking about it. "He found a Capitol entrance to the Sanctuary. After reading things like 'we started the descent' and 'heading down to the sanctuary' he realised that maybe it wasn't just figurative, maybe it was literal."

"And they're all connected?"

"You virtually wouldn't be able to tell where one began and another finished from down there. It's amazing, there is everything you would need to survive. I went on a 'research trip' with a few of the people involved and I think we made it to two. The others went all the way to the end but for me I could only risk a few days. If I was going to be in the spotlight I couldn't have anything conspicuous on my record. On some of the floors it really is like a city down there. Eventually things will run out but there's enough to feed whole districts for years. Something tells me that it'll only be one or two years before all the rebels are down there. Then the war probably won't last all that long either." I sighed.

Peeta looked pretty impressed. "So what kind of people do you have on your team?"

"Well, a lot of the staff at my higher education school are planning and organising things. My biology teacher helped me create the poison. Quite a few students are on my side too. Then there are some Peace Keepers-"

"Peace Keepers? How could you trust a Peace Keeper? How do you know that they won't become an informant?" He looked taken aback, I knew this would happen.

"These are people who I went to school with, they have opinions just as strong as I do on the matter and they've given up their entire lives to infiltrate the ranks for the cause. They go through interrogation training and they know what people will throw at them. They're not stupid or weak in any way. Plus, the Peace Keepers get shipped out to every district and the ones on this side jump on anything they hear about a rebellion or any displeasure that they hear about the Capitol. They're everywhere.

"You said that you trust me, so don't go back on that."

He looked a little sheepish and mumbled a small 'sorry' and I sighed.

"Sorry, I just, I need to know that you're not going to fight me on this." I smiled weakly.

He smiled back at me and we suffered through a short awkward silence.

"So… does that mean that some of the Peace Keepers here are…?" He said slowly.

I nodded, "I know of one, I can't keep track of everything, it's not like I'm totally in charge anyway."

"Who is it?"

"Peeta…"

"Just tell me so I can at least throw my scowls in another direction." I tried to hide my smile.

"Raymon, something Raymon. That's all I know."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." I stared at him with an amused smile and he gave a small breathy laugh.

"What is it?"

"Just you." I said.

I'm so glad to have Peeta; I don't know how I would have coped alone. There is too much more to do for me to stay underground with Haymitch, as much as I want to.

"We better get going." I smiled and we got up to head out of the district.

The walk has become so familiar now. We even had a select few paths that we took. We were smart enough never to take the same route two days in a row. The path we took today was the circle route. It was a long detour about half an hour out of the way but we needed to make sure that we changed.

Though thinking about it, it probably wouldn't matter if someone did see us, we'd be taken in an instant.

I could hear rushing water at one point and I thought to myself that I should probably do some actual educational activities to have something to tell the President. At this point though, I don't care.

As we climbed up some rocks Peeta took my hand to help me up. He didn't let go even when we were on flat ground. We climbed through the log and down amongst the cement into Haymitch's quarters.

"Haymitch?!" I called.

He wandered in from one of the doors.

"Well, well, well… it's about time. We were wondering when you were going to show up." He said dryly.

Before I could even ask him what he meant Peeta dropped my hand and all the air left my body.

I couldn't even believe my eyes, but there he was, green eyes sparkling.

"Caius…" I breathed.

"What is he doing here? When did he get here? Why didn't you warn me? Why didn't he stay in his district?!" I was pacing back and forth in front of Haymitch.

"I don't know, early this morning, I couldn't, and isn't it obvious?" He answered blatantly.

I ran my hands through my hair and tried to calm myself. "Why didn't he stay in his district?" I whispered to myself.

"You know, he and Peeta can't sit out there in silence forever." Haymitch was far too amused about that for my liking.

"How do you know they're in silence?" I snapped.

"Well, judging by Peeta's hurt puppy look when you saw Caius, and Caius' smug tree climber face when he _saw_ Peeta's hurt puppy look… I'm going to say that they probably have nothing much that they _want_ to say to each other." Haymitch smiled and I just looked at him as if to say that he wasn't helping.

"Well what the hell am I supposed to do?!" I was shaking and stressing.

If Caius was this reckless as to come all the way to District 12, who knew what else he would do to… to see me?

Haymitch sighed and stood up to face me. He put his hands on my shoulders. "Look, sweetheart, as much as I wish the little rat was gone, this is probably a good thing."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Little rat?"

"I've seen the replays… finding out that you're my daughter means I'm obliged to think he's a shady little rat." I felt my cheeks flush.

"What about Peeta?" This time it was his turn to raise his eyebrows.

"What _about_ Peeta?"

"Regardless, he's out there now, what do I say to him?" I asked.

"You tell him that he's committed to this thing now." I sighed, knowing how true it was. "And then when you want to have your little reunion please go and fins another hidey-hole in this cement tomb."

I actually managed to laugh a little at that one.

**Thanks for reading guys! Stay tuned for the sequel CLOSING SPEED. The first chapter will be up very soon! Thank you so much for reading and showing your support! I love you guys **


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